Archive for month: January, 2019

It had not occurred to me, but should we be worried about supplies in the UK if we have the dreaded hard Brexit?  I have been in countries like Cuba and gone into shops to be greeted by empty shelves, but I have been brought up in a land of plenty. Apart from the food rationing during the last war, during which time people were much healthier, we have really been living the life of the richest people on the planet. So should we be worrying?

Colleagues of mine have been discussing what they need to stockpile in case of a hard brexit. The conversation began when one of the hospital departments ran out of tissues and no one knew when the next shipment would arrive. This turned into…

“what would we do if the shops ran out of tissues?” 

This then became a fear of the lack of sanitary products in general and then went on to cosmetics. It was a good twenty minutes before anyone mentioned food. There was then a bunch of stories from the good old days, like when how each family had stretched food to last into the week until payday. Now it became serious. 

‘should we be stockpiling food, just in case?’ 

The next thing was, what then should we or could we stockpile? Well, it was decided that the freezers should all now be stuffed full with meat, fish and other perishables. Now the fear “what would happen if there was a power cut?” The decision here was that it would need to be cooked and re stored. Then someone said “but if there was no power you couldn’t cook it, could you?”

It was a good lesson in anxiety, watching this group of people go from a happy lunchtime sandwich to the point of panic.

The next obvious thing was that tinned foods that would always be fresh. Baked beans were the obvious and the favourite of course, tomatoes. Then came the jars, jams and sauces. Of course we would need sugar! As a veggie I suggested the dried foods, beans rice etc., to which they all looked a bit snotty. And, there are long life cheeses such a Hallaumi that can have two years dates on and nut milks that do not need to be refrigerated and long life cows milk.

Then, shock horror, if the French cut us off where would we get our wine? They all laughed when they realised that what they were drinking came for Australia anyway. But, what about German beer? Then as our one remaining smoker got up to go and have a fag in her car she said ‘I better stock up on me cigs’.

I was thinking about how each Christmas and Easter, when the shops are shut for just one day, people load their trollies to the ceiling as though they are preparing for a siege. Does that mean that we need to get to the shops before it all goes? But, that just creates the panic that makes people hoard goods in the first place.

Hey ho, interesting times ahead.

Take care.

Sean x

I have been moved to look at this issue for the podcast and the blog due to the amount of people, mainly professionals and parents, that come to me feeling guilty because they believe that they got ‘it’ wrong and now feel guilty about it. This spans from partners in failed or ailing relationships, parents of drug addicted or suicidal children, managers and owners of failed businesses or departments/doctors who have misdiagnosed or surgeons who have lost patients on the operating table.

My thought process around this was triggered when someone came to see me after having a near fatal road traffic accident. Well, it was near fatal for the person that they hit. The guilt was based in the fact that they were looking down at their phone and didn’t see the person step out into the road in front of them. Just a few seconds of lost concentration and ‘bang’, almost dead. That event was bad enough but when the following thought was the anxiety of ‘but would have happened if they had died?, How would I live with it?’

We all make mistakes, it is the human condition. 

Some mistakes will be obvious and others hidden.  Sometimes the only person who ever knows about it is ourself. Depending on what we were doing at the time of our mistake, will either just effect us or will effect other people, or maybe a lot of other people. So, how do we deal and hopefully come to terms with the results of our mistakes?

I start from the point of view that all of life, positive or negative, is consequential. Everything that we think, feel or do has a consequence, there will always be an outcome of some sort. Some of these consequences will be the result of an intended event or a conscious act. Others will be the result of an unconscious act.

In most cases it is easier to deal with conscious rather than the unconscious acts because when the act is conscious there was a process that justified our actions to us before we committed them. We may regret them afterwards but it was an active decision to proceed at the time. 

The person who looks down at their phone while driving and damages another person did not intend that outcome to happen, it was an unconscious act. There was no plan and no forward processing. Often these people are left with the unanswerable questions such as ‘If only I had…; or ‘If only I hadn’t…’ Regret and guilt in these cases is often the precursor of depression, anxiety and some psychological disorders, including post trauma or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

However, whether the action is conscious, planned, deliberate or accidental we are responsible for the consequence of that action and this is what we have to live with.

When I worked in the prison service there were prisoners who had committed terrible acts on other people that resulted in awful injury or even death. Those with a psychotic turn of mind were able to dismiss the consequences of their action and would, in all likelihood going on to do similar things after their release. There were also those that ended up in prison for unconscious acts such as hitting someone when in temper or provoked and the person fell awkwardly, hit their head and died.

Some were there for criminal negligence and lived in an internal hell of self recrimination, guilt and regret and often felt that they deserved the worst punishment possible. For some this became the issue of regret that led to a penitential attitude that sought forgiveness. Some had religious conversions and vowed to live a life of free giving and service to others.

Some of our hardest critics are often the ones that we love, family, friends and partners. Who become over critical of who we are and what we do and seek to blame or punish us for what ‘they’ see as wrong or do not agree with.  Of course our greatest critic is our self. If you have an internal critical parent in your mind you will never get it right and potentially always get it wrong.

When developing the steps for the Live In The Present course it was pretty obvious that forgiveness of self and others was the primary step to any level of change. The hurts and grudges that we hold from unresolved past events whether they are to do with our self or with others will hold us back like an anchor if they remain unresolved. Another thing that can really help is an apology. It can unburden you and help others.

However, over all I like the idea that we do not have problems we only have learning opportunities. When things go wrong, or when I get things wrong, my first response is to question why did that happen, what was that about? Somewhere within it will be a lesson that once learned need never happen again. But, like lots of us, I have often revisited the same lessons time after time and only learned in small instalments. Such is life.

Take care

Sean x

Ed and I were looking at Theresa May and the way that she has been getting hammered by her party in the Brexit fiasco. As her bill was defeated by over 200 votes Ed was wondering how it must feel to deal with that level of rejection by your peers. That got us thinking about rejections opposite acceptance. In most situations in life we are either accepted or rejected. It could be in the family, at school, college, work, in relationships and so on. Just how much do we compromise who we are in our drive to gain acceptance and avoid rejection?

I suddenly had this idea. I could remember an airline pilot telling me that they didn’t steer the plane. What they were doing was correcting it’s path as it went off course. Apparently the same thing is true for a ships captain. With both a plane and a ship you point it in the direction that you want to go in. The elements then come into play as wind and air pressure force the plane off course and the tides and current force the ship off course. In both cases the job of the captain is to keep it on course. Therefore they are not steering they are correcting.

That made me think of walking down the corridor in the hospital. Those that I pass make eye contact. Some smile and some say hello. What are we doing? Well, I think that we, just like the captains, are correcting our progress to our destination which is acceptance. In being polite and acknowledging other people I am, in some way, demonstrating that I belong. I am more importantly avoiding rejection.

Through evolution the individuals of almost every species has relied for their safety on belonging to the herd, flock, pack, troop, tribe and so on. In modern times we humans might need to include things like school, university, class, ethnicity, gender, political party, union, profession, and so on. What is it that you do to ensure that you are accepted by your group or groups?

If we look at the behaviour of Trump. It is fairly obvious that he is rejected by many of his own electorate and also many people around the world. So, what’s his driver to behave in such a way? His payoff is the acceptance from his supporters. The people that he wants to be accepted by need him to be objectionable to other people. Strange but true.

Going back to Brexit, we now have the vote of no confidence this evening, we have a direct split across the country to leave or remain, to reject or accept. Acceptance and rejection is the same from whichever side you view it. The thing that we tend to find is that rejection can lead to emotional backlash. 

One expectation is that if leave is scuppered or put back to the people for a vote the Brexiteers will feel the full force of rejection and may well react negatively. The same could be equally true the other way around. If the we leave and the remainders feel that it was a lie and a con, their feelings of rejection may also erupt. It sounds dramatic to talk about civil unrest but it could happen. With a split which is around 50/50 people are talking in terms of a civil war.

I guess a democracy works when we respect the will of the people. However, a democracy only works well when the information is transparent and people tell the truth.

However this lands I suspect that we are in for interesting times. Our abilities to deal with rejection and our ability to accept will be pushed to the limit.

Take care and be kind

Sean x

This week, as we are into the New Year, Ed and I decided to focus on the positive. The ‘Wired’ article, ‘It’s not all bad! 18 things that made the world a better place in 2018’, got us thinking.

Environment

We have all the bad news about pollution and the human ability to destroy the planet. However the good news is Nepal Tiger that we almost managed to make extinct has doubled it’s numbers and seems on the road to recovery. 

Two scientists, Miranda Yang and Jenny Yao have developed a catalyst that will break down the plastic in the ocean to enable them to bio-degrade. Considering that a single use plastic bag will take 450 years to degrade if left to it own devices

Virgin Atlantic made it’s first 747 flight using recycled fuel.

Health

And we all need it, is starting to be dominated by AI. A new watch can detect changes in sweating that are the precursor of an epileptic fit, warning the wearing to get to a point of safety before the seizure begins.

I love this one because I used to run reminiscence session in elder homes. This has now been advanced to include virtual reality headsets that can take Alzheimer’s sufferers to recall memories from the childhood and early life that can be more real to them than the present moment.

Talking of AI a machine at Moorfields Eye Hospital was able to diagnose eye disease in 94.5 percent of cases. That is as good if not better than the leading ophthalmologists.

Science

Donna Stickland won the Nobel Prize for physics. Being only the third woman to ever do so. Well done Donna.

This is a good one. Mosquitoes have been genetically engineered to reduce or stop them from spreading Malaria. That has to be one up for GM science.

Not so sure about this one. The first baby has been born after the successful womb transplant. Not sure where that one could lead us.

Technology

People are said to be spending less time on Facebook. That does sound like a good thing. However, it is only happening because the providers are manipulating again, and in reality it only works out to two minutes a day per individual. Which I guess is a start. Throughout the world population that computes to a total of 50 million fewer hours per year.

What about a cyber Robin Hood who is hacking into systems that do not protect our data too well and reverse hacking them. They are repairing and improving systems so that they work better and we are protected.

I could go on. There is so much to be appreciative and grateful for, not just in 2018 but, in life everyday. The human mind and creativity is an amazing and, largely untapped, resource. We all have the creative potential to contribute, if we just spend a little time to be mindful enough to give back.

That reminds me. The other day a client was telling me about a Harold Robbins 90 day programme designed to help improve you relationship. His simple, yet powerful, idea is that each day you ask your partner ‘what can I do for you?’ Rather than focussing the other way around ‘what I need you to do for me is…’

So back to my philosophy…

‘If we all look after each other we will all be okay’

Time to focus on the things that made you happy during 2018 and maybe consider asking your partner what it is that you could do for them in 2019.

Take care

Sean x