Archive for month: June, 2020

 

Us Brits are not good at blowing our own trumpet. We have real problems in understanding the difference between positive self belief, which is really self love, and arrogance or being up your own backside. Now, I think this is really sad because self belief is essential for so many things in life. 

Self Belief vs arrogance

There is a very simple way to understand this. People that have arrogance do not actually have positive self belief they are looking to you to tell them that they are ok. Imagine this scenario. There is a party, a gathering of people to celebrate an event or simply a social occasion, you get the idea. There are two people that are a little different to all the rest. One is sat quietly in the corner having a meaningful conversation with someone else. The other, makes a grand entrance that is loud, demanding attention and, getting it. Which one is the most confident and has the most self belief and which once feels small and insignificant?

Well, people that make lots of noise, who are larger than life and, demand attention are those that need other people to tell them that they are ok. They need the attention to give them value and to convince them 0f their self worth. The person who is quietly getting on with life in the corner has self belief within them. Their value comes from the inside out, they do not need anyone else to tell them that they are ok.

Belief to me is not solid. Belief has that faith element that is found in religion. Confidence on the other hand suggest the solidity of knowledge, of knowing. Very often self confidence developer through experience. When we are confident we might not know how to do something but we have the confidence to know that we can work it out. This ability to problem solve is creativity in action.

Often those that seem to be confident and full of self belief are actually not. Those of us that need to make lots of money, to obtain expensive possessions, to be rich and famous are often those that feel the least for themselves and actually lack self belief. We often make the mistake of believing the opposite. We may see the material trappings as an expression of success and self belief. Often they are saying ‘please pay me attention and tell me that I am okay’. Those that are genuinely confident about who they are do not need to make great shows for others to applaud. They can be happy just being themselves.

People with self belief can deal with it when things go wrong or they make mistakes. To have positive self awareness of your skills, qualities and to be open to accept your failings and, to have the awareness to be getting better at being a human being equals positive self belief. 

What do we teach our children?

We, as a society, whether we are parents or not, have a responsibility to teach the children around us to have value in ‘who they are’ and not in ‘what they have’. In a materialistic society it is easy to mistake possessions for personal value and real self belief. So many programmes on TV from “the house wives of…” wherever to “Big Brother” often show us the worst kind of people, with the worst moral and ethical values assuming a sense of self importance and self belief.

There are times in our society when we need to be aware of how we are seen/experienced. I can rarely attend a business meeting in shorts and a tee shirt I need to be in a suit to be seen as credible by my peers. This kind of fancy dress is playing a societal game which, for me, is ok as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. I am saying that I have the same value as you.

Self belief and confidence comes from within. It is an expression of how we feel about ourself and not about what we have or what we can display to others. If you feel deprived you may need to create more wealth, change your job, adjust you living situation and there is nothing wrong with aspiration. However, it does not matter how many material things you manage to accumulate unless you feel good about you and who you are. With wealth you will only be miserable in comfort.

Time to develop some positive self belief and confidence. Look in the mirror every morning for the next one hundred days and say out loud to yourself “I Love You”. If you can’t do it you have little self belief. But, if you do it for one hundred days it will become a new habit that is inner self belief. Because, guess what, self belief is a habit! None of us popped out of the womb with positive or negative self belief. The way that we feel about who we are is what we have learned to be – maybe time to change?

Be happy and keep looking in the mirror 🙂

Take care

Sean x

After prolonged lockdown more and more people have allowed their natural sleep pattern to slip. To enable us all to get back to work we need to rebuild our sleep pattern so that we can get back into the our pre-lockdown rhythm of life. We all need different amounts of sleep but what neuropsychology tells us is that if you get less than seven hours you may be suffering from anxiety and if you get more than nine you may be suffering from depression. Sleeping seven to nine hours means that you are emotionally balanced neither anxious or depressed. Getting a good nights sleep is essential fo our physical and emotional health.

What time do you naturally wake in the morning?

All of us have a natural body rhythm. My body/mind system is set to 5am and it has been that way for many years. This is so embedded in my system that even if I go to bed at 1am I will still wake at 5am though I might choose to go back to sleep. This is true except for when I go on holiday. I do what we all do and arrive on holiday feeling the everyday stresses of life but after a few day the levels of stress hormone in my mind/body system gradually reduce to a point where I might still be asleep at 8.30am. Then comes the magic moment when the holiday is over and I have to get back into my sleep rhythm to do my work. This can be tough. It might take me three or four weeks to rebuild my normal pattern and then there it is 5am and I am wide awake.

Lockdown sleep patterns are the extreme of holiday sleep. It starts like holiday sleep slipping into getting up later. After all there is nothing to do, no work to go to, nobody wants anything and nobody needs anything, the routine has gone. Prolonged holiday sleep in lockdown can start to become disordered. As it extends and we get up later and later the amount of hours that we are sleeping extends and that can be the key into depression.

Getting a proper night sleep is essential for our health and disturbed sleep can lead to deeper and more profound psychological and medical health issues. Sleep scientist tell us that the magic three for total health are exercise, nutrition and sleep. I would add in that we need to be leading the sort of life that makes us feel happy, valued and worthwhile.

Sleep has two main functions. The first is deep sleep or non rapid eye movement or NREM sleep. This part of the cycle deals with physical repair of the body tissues. The second is rapid eye movement or REM sleep. This is the dream cycle and deals with emotional processing and emotional health and wellbeing.

Many of the symptoms that I am dealing with during lockdown have their origins in the fact that our routines have been disordered and that we are unable to regulate our mind/body systems as we did before lockdown. As well as depression and anxiety commons issues are…

High blood pressure

This can come from lack of sleep and increased consumption of caffeine and alcohol and a reduction in exercise.

Mood changes and disorders

Often driven by boredom, anxiety and depression we can start to develop a short fuse, become irritable and intolerant. This can be associated with angry outbursts and even domestic violence and abuse.

Inflammation

Disturbed sleep can lead to inflammation in the body tissues. I take turmeric everyday to counteract any stress related inflammation. Constant inflammation can create cardio vascular disorders and the pain in arthritis and rheumatism. It can lead to diabetes and premature ageing. 

Confusion

Memory loss, especially short term, are commonly associated with disturbed sleep. Some people talk about brain fog or brain freeze as the frontal lobe of the brain becomes affected.

Muscle tension

We can feel stiff and develop aches and pains in our muscles and joints. This can be both from disturbed sleep and from lack of exercise.

Lowered immunity

We know that people with a good sleep pattern tend to have a more robust immune system. At the time of Covid 19 a good sleep pattern and a robust immune system is very important though maybe hard to achieve.

Getting back the rhythm

If we are going to make it out of lockdown and back into the normal rhythms or our everyday lives of work, family, school, socialising etc., we will need to start with getting our sleep pattern right. This means avoiding media and devices like phones and tablets prior to bed time.

We need to move our sleep pattern back to where it use to be. The easiest way to do this is to set you alarm and get up at your normal time, even if you feel really tired. This has the effect of making us want to go to sleep earlier. As long as you keep getting up to your alarm you’re pattern will shift back fairly quickly.

When you do get back into work you will probably feel exhausted and it may take several weeks for your mind/body system to reset itself. Then you will say, “I feel like I have never been away from work”.

Assuming that there is not another rise in the R number we will not go back into lockdown. But, if we do, try and keep you regular mind/body system pattern in sync so that when we come out again the transition will be easy.

Take care and sleep well

Sean x