Archive for month: August, 2022

Ok, so what is a family? Well, it all begins with the individual as the basic building block. Then we get into sexual mathematics. One individual meet another individual and we have  gone from onto two people and we have a couple. In most cases the sexual mathematic means reproduction and then we have three as baby number one comes along. In modern society  a family is a socio-economic unit that was preferred by the government and the church. In evolution the family unit meant safety. Groups of families became tribes, became communities, became societies, became nationalities. Ultimately they became the factions of ‘us’ and ‘them’. Either you are in or you are outOne of us or one of them.

Now, it would make sense for a family to be a self supporting caring unit where each persons need were met. Sadly this is so often not the case. My own natal family was not a supportive unit it was a snake pit where the individual member sort to dominate and out do the the other members to gain supremacy. I left home at the age of 15 to get away from it. When I left I had no faith in the idea of family that I saw as a destructive thing. I then went on to play out the role models that I had learned as a child and made bad relationships with dysfunctional people who supported my beliefs and understanding of what a family was.

However, over time and a lot of anguish I learned and gradually get better at it as my understanding has grown so that now I live in an amazing extended family who in the main think of each other first and look out for each other’s needs. This is really weird for me to be in a place where you do not have to look over your shoulder to see who is going to stab you in the back.

This has never been more obvious than how they have all responded to my recent stay in hospital for heart surgery when they all piled in to support both me and Rie. It all got me quite emotional to realise that these people lovers me and accepted my as on of them.  I was reminded of when I was 13 or 14 years of age and I had to go to hospital to have a large and manky mole taken out of my back which was suspect CA. It wasn’t that was good. Anyway, I walked three miles or so to the hospital on my own, no one from the family thought that I might need someone with me. When I arrived the surgeon looked at my face that also had a large mole on the chin and said ‘I’ll have that one while I am here as well’. A few hours later with both wounds bandaged I walked the three miles back home again. 

My current experience of family is mind blowing. I recently had ten weeks in hospital and the family were in daily contact, wishing me well, enquiries, food and gifts. What a difference. Back in my childhood home I could have felt abandoned. Though it is true that in extreme emergencies they would gather round and act.

It would seem that in the end I have found my family. Which is great.

I suspect that it is my early childhood experience that led me to…

…If we all look after each other we will all be okay

Family is community and community is humanity.

Take care

Sean x