Archive for month: March, 2022

Let’s make a pandemic (of happiness)!

As the various disruptions have happened in society over the last few years psychologist  tell us that happiness is really a state on mind. I guess most of us would agree that this is in most ways true but I would think it takes a lot of strength and belief to keep cracking jokes when the bombs are going off outside.   (https://www.happiness.com/magazine/inspiration-spirituality/why-happiness-is-a-state-of-mind/) 

Over the last few years leaders from across the world are also now deciding to tell his that happiness is a state of mind. Bhutan is held  up as a world where happiness is described as their “gross domestic product” (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-14243512).  This seems a level of enlightenment that the rest of us can only observe with envy or discount as nonsense. It may be something that we all need to tap into right now.

All that we now know about brains and neuroscience tells us that this idea is really on the money, and that we all do create our own experience, in the sense that we do have choices as to how we respond to any event in life, even the worst. It is hard to decide whether the political drive behind publishing such an idea as happiness for all is real concern for our welfare or a way of making the difficult decisions about economic cuts in mental health support more palatable.

Many apps now offer us ways to step over our negative thoughts and feeling. Our friend Andy Puddicombe at http://www.getsomeheadspace.com/, is actively attempting to change that way that we all think and feel with his headspace meditation programmes.

My own area of work with mangers in both the private and public sector to develop a coaching style of management that improves the moral of staff because, surprise, surprise, a happy workforce is more productive.  Check out this article (http://m.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/jul/15/happiness-work-why-counts?cat=money&type=article), it explains why a positive work force might actually save money and even make money.

In my own work I know that when an organisation decides that their customers are more important that their staff, they have lost the point.  The principle is simple, if you look after your staff they will always look after your customers because it is in the ethos.  Just go into an Apple Store, or a branch of John Lewis and you will realise what I mean.

When I first started my training in psychotherapy my teacher said very clearly “what you hold in your bindi will come to pass”.  In western psycho speak we would say “thoughts become things”.  Now neuropsychology tells us the same thing.  Once we understand that we are in control of what we do and think, we do have choice.  The biggest realisation is that we are also in control of what we feel.  Mindful managers, politicians and leaders who understand this encourage others to feel positive and good. This has never been more important. In the likely troubles ahead as things get tighter we need to stay positive.

If we take the politics, the news and Covid out of the idea then it is exactly and completely true.  The only reason that anyone is not happy is that they have learned to be that way.  When you are in a miserable or unhappy state it can feel that the task of being happy is impossible and that the idea of having a choice is ridiculous or even demeaning.  It may be hard but the one thing that I have to tell you is that if you are not living a happy life then you have learned that way of being, thinking and feeling, probably from the moment of birth. These habits do not serve you well, and, whatever your situation you can change it to create the life that you want.  It may sound far fetched, it may sound ridiculous, but over the years I have worked with thousands and thousands of people who have down exactly that, including me.

So, how about for a little while we forget the politicians, health and wars and concentrate on ourselves, how do you feel today?  If your response is anything other than “I’m doing ok” or at a pinch “it’s tough, but i’m getting there” you need some help to the get your head on the right way around. There are plenty of books and ideas that will help you in your task including the resources on the liveinthepresent.co.uk website.

Marharishi Mahesh Yogi, the inventor of transcendental meditation had one simple aim.  If he could get six million people meditating a the same time then the bioenergetic mindbank would be great enough to affect the course of human destiny for the good. I wonder how powerful the mindbank would need to be to change the course of Russias aggression.

Have you meditated today? When you do meditate you add a bit more positive energy to the collective consciousness.

Take care and be happy 

Sean x

We all have that inner voice that tells us if we are doing right or wrong. I say we all have it even a full blown psychopath has an inner voice it is just that it is never heard or listened to. Your inner voice is your conscience.

When we look at our friend Vladimir we can see that he is unable to hear or listen to his inner voice. He is able act in ways that cause others pain, distress and death or worse to many thousands of people. What does it take for us to listen to our inner voice? Well like all aspects of human consciousness it is the same, either pain or awareness. Either we are aware and awake enough to listen to it or we need some pain to make us wake up enough to listen. We could say that Vladimir, who is probably the product of a highly dysfunctional childhood, has no consciousness, though he does. What we do not know is how deeply it is buried within him and if there will come a point when he will be able to hear it.

Do you ever wonder why you have a conscience? Could it be that your conscience is actually a very important part of your life process? If you think about it, you would be in big trouble without it. Without some kind of internal voice you would never question what you were doing or why you were doing it. This leads to real narcissistic and totally self centred behaviour that allows us to do whatever we want and take whatever we want without any consideration for the effect that it might have on other people. Psychopaths are unable to hear their conscience and sociopaths have learned to ignore their conscience.

Your conscience is your positive inner voice that is giving you sound advice though It can create internal arguments that may lead you to suspect that you are going mad…

‘why are you doing that?’

‘I don’t know’

‘But you know you shouldn’t be doing it’

‘I know’

‘So why are you doing it?’

‘I don’t know’

and so on….

It can feel like your conscience is a pain and a problem. Many people attempt to quiet their inner voice with intoxication or use their intellect to create rationalisations and justifications to avoid facing up to the demands of their inner voice. Yet to the awake mind the inner voice is very positive thing. Could it be that… 

your conscience is really your very good friend!

You inner voice isn’t the enemy, it is a friend who’s delivering the positive criticism to enable you consider your feelings, the feelings of others and the outcome of your actions. You probably have friends or family who do that for you from time to time. Well, your inner voice is doing it all the time if you listen to it.

The trick is to understand that your inner voice is on your side delivering genuinely constructive criticism. It is the inspiring coach who urges you to do your best. Your inner voice and your happiness are not mutually exclusive they are, in the end, the same thing. The easiest way to get to know your inner voice is to still your outer voice. This is meditation – the silence in which you are able to hear the answer to your problems.

When we have an issue, a question or a problem we tend to turn outwards ask for advice or reach for Google. While there is nothing wrong with seeking feedback and advice from other the answer often lie within. We just need to be still for long enough to listen to it.

Most people will start with five or ten minutes a day. This can build to twenty and then thirty. The best effects come from a daily one hour. I won’t the word meditation. It is enough just to sit in silence, allow your mind to do what it want and be still. Ideally in a quiet room with your eyes closed. There are plenty of recording on the LITP site.

Gradually, over time, your mind will become still and your inner voice will become clearer. 

Be still and listen.

Take care 

Sean x 

We have been asked in this episode to look at addiction with particular attention to alcohol.

We use the word ‘addiction’ to indicate an illness which is based on the behaviour of a person who is compulsively or habitually ‘addicted’ to a substance or a set of behaviours. Most behaviours that are described as addictions are seen as negative. When we hear the word addiction we tend to think of drugs or alcohol. We might even consider the workaholic. Which ever way we view it addiction is seen negative.

I will get onto alcohol in a minute but first consider this…

Perhaps we are all addicts

I would like to suggest another way of looking at it, we are all addicted, we are all addicts, it is just that we are often unaware of what we are addicted to. So my question is…

What is your addiction?

An addiction is simply a chemical state, that is in both our brain and our body.  We become addicted when we have learned to accept this chemistry as our ‘normal’ state of being. The chemistry comes from the habits that we have practiced from the moment of our both. We know that when someone exercises regularly their brain responds by releasing powerful endorphins. We also know that once this chemistry has been established  as their normal they can become addicted to this exercise. Once this habit has been established we find that if they are unable to exercise, perhaps because of an injury, they go into withdrawal just like any drug addict. All the symptoms of drug withdrawal are played out through their brain and body until either they restore the exercise and the chemistry or undergo the ‘cold turkey’ of drug withdrawal and re establish a new chemical norm.

Any behaviour from meditation to sex, from knitting to hill walking, from laughing to crying, will have a chemical effect on our mind body system. Once these are established in our mind brian they become our habit and our chemical normal. The issues of anxiety, anger, depression, love and happiness may also be our addictions.

As an ex drug addict, mainly opium and having had an interesting relationship with alcohol, I know quite a lot about alcohol and drugs as a therapist but also as a practitioner.

Let’s have a look at alcohol

Alcohol 

Alcohol is probably one of the most natural substances we can become addicted to. I have seen horses in very strange states after eating fermenting apples that had fallen from the trees in an orchard. Human beings probably slipped quite easily into using alcohol as the vegetables and fruits around them fermented and the relationship was made between the alcohol and the pleasurable feeling of being tipsy or drunk.

The way that alcohol works is that it turns off the frontal lobe of the brain which takes away our worries, concerns and feelings. Alcohol is an emotional anaesthetic. We stop feeling. Then we get the rebound of the depressant effect as the frontal lobes attempts to fire up again. When the depressant effect is on us the easiest thing to do is to have another drink, known as the ‘hair of the dog’, and anaesthetise the depression. Once the cycle is established it is the normal behaviour of addiction. However the cycle will vary. Some people can drink a lot of alcohol before their frontal lobe switches off. For others it may be half a glass of wine. The thing is that once the frontal lobe switches off resistance to more alcohol and normally unacceptable behaviours diminishes. Plus all reason and cognitive thinking is lost.

Controlled drinking/drug programmes 

My experience is that for the vast majority of people controlled programmes do not work. For most of us you are either in or out. One of the main problems with alcohol is that, outside of Muslim countries, there is an alcohol pusher on every street corner, in every super market and in television adverts. It is the wests acceptable addiction.

Therapy

Therapy is usually the only answer. That often means rehab and some supportive medication as the addictive cycle quietens down in the system. In our society in the UK I do still commonly deal with alcohol, nicotine, skunk and anger addictions. Though I experience that we are all addicted to something even if that means being addicted to having a completely clean system.

So what is your addiction?

Your chemical normal is the one that makes you feel just right. It comes from the habits that you have established throughout your life. If something happens to alter your ‘normal’ you will adopt behaviours that will return your chemistry to recreate your normal. My normal involves meditation, cooking, often running, definitely playing music, mainly guitar, certainly working with other people and always my lovely Rie and holidays away. When I am deprived of my addictions I feel withdrawal and need to act to bring my chemistry back to my normal.

Some addictions are good, as in they do not harm us or others. Bad addictions do harm us or other people. We have a choice. Once we mindfully examine our behaviours we can decide which addictions we will feed and allow to grow and which once we will starve and allow to wither.

We may decide that allowing our children to develop the habit of internet gaming is a good or a bad addiction. Current evidence would suggest this is a bad addiction.

Be happy and check your addictions.

Take care

Sean x