TSHP355: How’s everyone doing? #COVID-19

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What’s Coming This Episode?

The world has tilted on its axis in a matter of weeks. There’s pain and anxiety, but there is hope too. Sean and Ed dive in for a quick catchup on where we’re up to and setup the possibility of greater things to come for us all…

Enjoy the show and take care, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

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COVID-19 update: How’s everyone doing?

I watch as the world around me shouts at the screen as the news is being broadcast “which bit do you not understand people – just stay at home”. To realise that we each have some responsibility, not only for what has happened in the world but also for what will happen next,

Well, with lockdown now in force, and the force probably getting stronger, our lives are changing as never before. Well, not for this generation at least. The previous generations were very much in the world of hard work, suffering, make do and mend and most importantly the collective ‘what can I do to help other people?’ There will always be selfish and mindless people but in the main people are good and will do what they can. Once the fear has lessened and we know that we will be fed our attention will, hopefully, turn to helping others.

I received the letter this week asking me to come out of retirement and come back into the NHS to support staff. This, I am more than happy to do. At the same time the government is asking for 250,000 volunteers to come in and support the NHS. We all need to do our bit. In the First and Second World Wars this phrase became common place…

Your country needs you!

It reminds me of John F. Kennedy, President of the USA, saying in the 1960s…

Don’t think what can my country do for me

Think, what can I do for my country

If we can grab hold of the idea that ‘the’ country or society is actually us, we might then be able to say…

Our Country needs us

If we could make the big leap to identifying with all of humanity we might get as far as…

Our species needs us

But if we were to really go for it and start to take some responsibility for the mess that we are making of Mother Earth and all the other species that inhabit it, we might get to…

Our planet needs us

My hope, desire and dream is that out of this crisis comes a new awakening of human consciousness. Just as the coronavirus can spread from country to country destroying life, a positive viral idea of caring, sharing, love and acceptance could equally spread just as easily. This positive virus is the one that we don’t need to be vaccinated against, we need to accept and let it breed and multiply. Whatever is left for us after Covid-19 has done it’s thing we have a choice. We can either come closer together or move further apart. It is easy to blame countries, cultures and societies for what is or has happened. There will always be those we can blame when we refuse to take personal responsibility. This is the time to drop prejudice and use love as a tool to bring us all together. In the end war, negativity and hatred serve no one at all. Negativity breeds negativity. Life is a lovely thing if we choose to live it that way.

So, as the world gets madder over the coming weeks and months while we work this global pandemic out think to yourself…

What can I do for other people?

If we all begin to think this way everyone will gain. If, on the other hand we only think…

What can I get from other people?

No one will gain and in the end we will all lose. These issues are with us right now. There is enough food for everyone. Not just in our country but around the world if we all learn to share. The hoarders and the greedy make it worse for everyone including themselves.

Take care, stay safe and share the love.

Sean x

TSHP354: Life in Isolation

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What’s Coming This Episode?

COVID-19 has made a dramatic entrance in recent weeks. Around the world, life for us all has changed in ways we could barely have predicted just a few weeks ago. Isolation is a reality for many already and, as drastic measures are put in place, it will become reality for many more. How can we cope in this new life? What can we do to adapt? Let’s dive in…

Enjoy the show and take care, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

Show Notes and Links

Resource of the Week

Stay in Touch

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Isolation Anxiety

Covid19 is now getting a hold and things are now moving fast. We seem to be following the same track as China and Italy. The time has come where we are moving into the stage of lockdown and no one knows how long this will last. Estimates vary from a few weeks to several months. Those who are infected will need to isolate for a minimum 14 day as will those living in the same house. This means that some people will now be developing isolation anxiety and the associated levels of depression. So this week podcast was about what can we do to survive the issues of isolation.

Over the years I have dealt with many staff members who have been on long term sick leave who have suffered from the isolation of being alone. Being away from the social support of colleagues and the workplace can create an emotional crisis. It can easily feel that when there is no stimulation that there is no point. No point in getting out of bed, no point in getting washed. Just simply no point. That is where the depression can begin. So here are some ideas to help deal with isolation anxiety.

1: Routine –

Our lives are structured by the need for routine. It might simply be going to work, taking the kids to school. We all have a routine and that is what we need to keep going. Set the alarm clock get out of bed and start doing things. Make a plan. Have a weekly diary sheet on the wall and plan each day and plan the week.

2: Negotiation –

You may be quarantined with family or friends. This may mean that you have had to segregate the house to avoid cross infection. If you are alone you may need friends to help deliver foods or other supplies. Most of all you may need to get some support maybe online or by phone. It helps our mood if we can remain connected.

It maybe that you are aware of people who are in isolation and it could help them if you ensure that you stay in contact and ensure that they are okay. 

3: Exercise –

Keep moving. Avoid becoming a couch potato. Even if you are stuck indoors and cannot use the garden you can still exercise. Go on YouTube Find some exercise regimes, yoga and workouts. Don’t stay still.

4: Mindfulness –

At live in the present we are always going on about staying mindfully in the now. We know that when our mind ruminates on the past we tend to become depressed and when we ruminate on the future we tend to become anxious. Mindful meditation is the key to staying in the moment. There are many apps, the most famous being HeadSpace that will guide you through learning to meditate and again YouTube has many meditations. If you look at podcast one of my favourites is Meditation Oasis that has a library of meditations. It is such a good resource. From the Live In The Present Site I have put some relaxations and meditations that can be used to help you stay grounded and in the moment.  The five minute breath focus meditation will help you remain grounded and the Seven Eleven recording will help you reduce levels of anxiety.

5: Have some fun –

If you are going to watch Netflix or get into those box sets that you want to catch up on ensure that they are fun. Try not to get stuck into the negative or scary series. Keep it light, keep it fun. Watching things like Only Fools and Horses can make you smile and laugh and directly affect you brain chemistry in a positive way.

6: Cooking –

This is a good time to get cooking and play in the kitchen. When you do cook for yourself be aware of portion control it can be easy at this time to increase portion size, snack and pick and increase the size of your waist band. 

7: Reading –

I’m sure many of us will have books lying around that you intended to read but have not got around to? Now is your chance. If you can’t get out to buy a book there are plenty on line as ebooks and audio books and many are free.

8: Writing –

What about writing? Perhaps you are a hidden poet or song writer? They say that inside everyone there is at least one book. This could be your time.

9: Learning –

What about taking a course or doing some training? The are many sites that offer free or very cheap courses. Have a look at theses, UdemyiTunesUGrouponCoursera.

10: Crafts –

Again there are many videos online to show you how to be creative in arts and crafts.

11: Online contact –

There are already and I am sure there will be a growing amount of support groups where you can chat with people online. It may be worth having a Google to see what is out there. It is also good to remember that using Skype, FaceTime etc you can keep in touch with family and friends.

12: Therapy –

If you do feel that you are slipping into depression or anxiety get some therapy. There are many therapist working online and I am sure that as this crisis increase there will be more. There is no need to suffer. Do something about it.

13: Me –

If all else fails email me, talk to me. As long as I am well, I am here for advice and for support.

14: The Self Help Podcast –

Health permitting – Ed and I hope to be here every week, tune in, send us ideas and get involved.

Lastly, we all need support. You may need support through this difficult time but so will others. Are there people around you who need your support? Remember…

If we all look after each other we will all be okay

This has never been more true than at this moment, especially small businesses as well they need us! Personally i would like to give thanks to Katie and her wonderful team at the real food kitchen, if you are local to Parkgate/Neston check them out. 

Take care, be happy, and wash your hands!

Sean x

TSHP353: Performance Anxiety Disorder

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Performance anxiety should be well known to many of us, but can have a huge effect on the wellbeing of an individual. Sure, we may have heard of well known artists that struggle on stage. Their struggle is real, but it also can effect us every day Joe’s on a day to day basis.

Enjoy the show and take care, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

Show Notes and Links

Resource of the Week

Stay in Touch

We’re all over the web, so feel free to stay in touch:

Leave us an Honest Review on iTunes

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Performance Anxiety

At this point in our anxiety series we are looking at performance anxiety. It might sound as though this form of anxiety only concerns actors and musicians and those engaged in the performing arts. Actually performance anxiety is about the fear of not being able to complete a task successfully. It may also be about the fear of being belittled for failure or perceived failure.

However, anxiety about being on a stage, doing a performance, delivering a speech or doing a presentation are all forms of performance anxiety. It could be the fear of cooking a meal or painting a wall for fear of criticism. Many parents have performance anxiety about being able to be a good parent. With the first child comes all the fears of ‘are we getting right?’, or the realisation that ‘we don’t know what we are doing’.

When you hear people saying…

“I can’t do right for doing wrong”

…they are describing performance anxiety. It often comes from someone criticising you enough that your motivation to act is diminished. What we describe as procrastination can actually be someone who has become inactive due to a criticism based performance anxiety. This is an issue that I deal with frequently when working with couples and one never feels good enough.

Fear and anxiety usually lead to action. Fight or flight are the common responses to anxiety. However there is a third response, ‘freeze’. Freeze is when the mind/body system decides that it is safer to do nothing than to either fight or run away. Out in the jungle this may mean hiding in silence from a predator until the coast is clear and it is safe to move. In a work setting freeze may be keeping your head down and avoiding volunteering for a task. Socially freeze could be avoiding the spotlight and individual attention.  Freeze could be avoiding exams, interviews, a first date, a holiday or even opening a gift.

Performance anxiety is not just about completing a task but how we are seen in completing the task. Some people on social media can be particularly cruel in their criticism of others in what they do, how they look or about what they believe or think. How many people act, dress, state opinions that are motivated by the anxiety of how they need to be seen and their desire to fit in and be one of the group.

There is another aspect of performance anxiety that I often have to deal with. Over all I would describe this as fear of intimacy and fear sexual contact anxiety. In many cases this is driven by the internet and the common usage of online pornography. I had not realised the extent of this until I completed a qualification in therapy for those suffering from online porn addiction. In many parts of the UK internet pornography is used by 70% of men and 30% of women. The course did not cover the effects that online pornography can have on those that are not addicted. However, performance anxiety may effect those who having watched it then feel that they are very inadequate or inexperienced.

This can begin with the way that people look and perceive their body. They may feel too fat or too thin. That their bum is too big or too small. Their breast or penis are not big enough. Their knowledge and experience may just not be good enough.

The problem is that the acts seen on screen are unreal. They are performed by actors who often have unreal sculpted bodies who are acting out a role with props, aids, cameras and scripts. You only have to look at the people you see in the street to see that most people’s bodies are quite ordinary and that they are not the sexual athletes that are seen on screen.

I have worked with so many people who have been scared of being naked with another person for the first time because they fear being seen as ugly. Those who fear a sexual encounter because they may not be good enough. Or fear that they do not match up to someone’s previous partners. This can lead to both unrealistic expectation but also unrealistic acting out. Often those who are pounding the mattress, shouting out loud or screaming yes, yes, yes may be more concerned with how they are seen by their partner rather than simply enjoying the act that they are engaged in.

Sexual performance anxiety can be an issue for men when they have a failed erection. This is actually quite common. It can be due to stress, illness, hormonal changes or simply tiredness. The outcome of this experience is often dependent on the reaction of the partner. Some partners will experience the failed erection as an insult to them , ‘am I not good enough’, ‘why don’t you fancy me?’, and so on.

In most cases it has nothing to do with the partner. The partner’s responses can leave the man with the failed erection with feelings of failure. These can lead to performance anxiety in the future. Once the idea is embedded in the mind the script writing begins and the outcome is ensured. Some men who have failed erections, and are the belittled by their partner, may feel so diminished, embarrassed and hurt that they never have sex again for fear of failure.

Whatever form the performance anxiety takes the key is fear. This plays into the script writing nature of the human mind as we start to prepare for any event. Once we fear failure we are almost certainly going to write a script that ensures that we are right.

What you feed grows and what you starve dies

Once we have failed again we have confirmed that we are right. Every time, after that, when we attempt the same task we will get the same results. One solution is to undertake therapy that enables us to rewrite the emotional scripting and allows us to experience success. At that point our expecting of the task becomes success not failure.

When we suffer any form of performance anxiety it can be embarrassing to admit it and talk about it. However, talking with the right skilled person can lead to solutions that can be life changing.

Take care, be happy and if any of this blog resonates with you do something about it. You will feel so much better.

Sean x

TSHP352: Social Anxiety Disorder

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Being a little shy is one thing, but imagine being completely unable to cope in social situations – at work, at your local supermarket… social anxiety disorder is real and requires serious work to overcome. Let’s have a chat about it…

Enjoy the show and take care, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

Show Notes and Links

Resource of the Week

  • Sean recommended some good old fashioned meditation

Stay in Touch

We’re all over the web, so feel free to stay in touch:

Leave us an Honest Review on iTunes

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Social anxiety disorder

So, in this podcast we are looking at another form of anxiety. Social fears are probably the most common form of anxiety that we experience. On the basis that around three million people in the UK are suffering from anxiety at any one time a high percentage of these will be experiencing social anxiety.

Social anxiety or social phobia is a whole size bigger than simple shyness. Like all forms of anxiety it involves a fear of the future. All forms of anxiety can only be experienced by those who have a good imagination. Anxiety requires the person to be able to visualise the fear. In many cases sufferers have an overwhelming fear of social situations and gatherings. However, those who suffer from agoraphobia often also have a social anxiety. When people are claustrophobic they fear being confined and not able to get out they may also fear isolation and need to be with other people to feel secure and safe. The reverse is true with agoraphobia when people can be scared of lots of people in large open spaces such as an airport or a supermarket.

Often people with social anxiety have a dread of everyday activities. This could include going to work or to a friends house, taking the children to school, attending school or going to the library. There may also be a fear of meeting strangers, going on first dates, starting conversations, speaking on the phone, or going shopping. Any form of group conversations, eating in public or taking public transport or an aeroplane. The list can become endless. 

One feature of anxiety phobia is that its object will change. So if you overcome one thing such as flying the phobia can switch to shopping centre. If you solve the shopping centre the phobia will simply move onto another object, until the person resolves the underlying issue.

Social phobics often feel embarrassed by how they look or act. They can be embarrassed by their bodily reaction such as blushing, sweating, clumsiness, appearing incompetent or in some way being seen as stupid. The is often a paranoid fear that others are watching, criticising or judging you.

These fears can lead to avoiding eye contact, feeling sick, sweating, trembling, increased heart rate or a pounding heartbeat (palpitations). In the extreme these symptoms can build into panic attacks.

Anxiety and panic attacks can lead to rapid heartbeat, muscle tension and fatigue, dizziness and lightheadedness, disturbed stomach and diarrhoea, difficulty in catching breath, feeling faint and disturbed sleep patterns.

So what do you do?

My starting point is Mindfulness with meditation, relaxation, seven eleven breathing and good sleep. However, life style and social, emotional situations need to be reviewed as well as the persons working situation.

Your GP or other healthcare provider can discuss different medication options to manage both the physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety. There is a range of medication that can be used to manage anxiety and it is important to discuss with your GP which one would be most appropriate for your circumstances.

Talking therapies – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help to teach strategies for recognising and overcoming distressing or anxious thoughts, it is one of the most common therapies for treatment and management of anxiety especially within the NHS.

Most importantly do not suffer alone talk to someone and seek support.

Mind

Rethink

BUPA

Take care, be happy.

Sean x