Do You Choose To Be Happy?

Wednesday 20th March is the International Day of Happiness. So, I was Googling ‘Action For Happiness‘ and I noticed this article below it on the same Google page was an article by David Harper, reader in clinical psychology, University of East London. He claims that happiness is not down to the individual because social, financial and environmental factors, etc get in the way. Well, as a psychotherapist, I would say that I think he is missing the point.

Being happy is never about what happens to us. We all know that bad/difficult things happen and no one is immune from this. Each of us will, at sometime in our life, face our own challenges that some of us will describe as their problems.

“It is not what happens to you but how you respond that matters”
Epictetus

It would be silly to assume that environmental factors do not effect the way that we feel, they obviously do. But we do have choice. The choice is, do we feed the negative feelings within us, through rumination, so that they grow ever bigger and fill our conscious mind? Or do we choose to focus and ruminate on the positive things around us, on the solutions to our challenges and problems, making plans to change things so that our life becomes happier?

quote poster v1

You become what you choose to feel

All therapists will tell you stories of clients who, despite the odds, turned their lives around and created happiness from negative experience. At the same time they will tell you about clients who were overwhelmed by experience and did not change their negative life to a positive one. The difference in us as people is in the choices that we make. Those that choose to feed the negative will create an unhappy live while those that feed the positive will create a happy life.

What you feed grows and what you starve dies

The key is in choice. Do you choose to have a happy life or an unhappy life? For most people the idea that you can choose how you feel is a new one. If this is new for you, grab it, own it and choose to be positive. You can choose what you think, you can choose what you do and, you can also choose how you feel.

Thoughts become things
and
Feelings become things

It does not matter from where you begin your journey to happiness. It does not matter how bad, difficult or mad your life is right now. If you choose to focus on happiness now then that is what you will get in your life. It may not be immediate, it may take time, it may be a challenge but, all journeys begin with one small step. That step on this journey is the choice to be positive and be happy.

Energy is directed by consciousness

Where do you choose to direct your consciousness? Are you happy? You can become happy in a split second, right now all it takes is a decision. So, why not make the choice now and…

Be Happy Now

My life choice is to work with the forces of happiness and to help everyone that I can to do the same. That is my life, my therapy and my work.

Wednesday 20 March 2013 is the International Day of Happiness. The amazing people at Action for Happiness work so hard to encourage people to be positive and to be happy. Check out their site, join in a create happiness for yourself and for others.

Be happy and live in the present.

Take care,
Sean x

Why Forgiveness Will Set You Free

Forgiveness can seem impossible for so many people. The stumbling block for most people is that in forgiving we become confused with the idea that we are condoning behaviours that we know were wrong. That we are, in some way saying that what that person did, however bad, was ok. This could not be further from the truth.

To forgive means to forgo your retribution or to let go of your hatred. There is a simple reason for this. The only person that hatred will ever harm is the hater. When you hate, or have negative thoughts about others, your body creates all the negative chemistry that will ultimately damage your body. It raises your blood pressure, hardens your arteries and leads to stroke, heart attacks, ulcer, back ache, neck ache, head ache and dementia. Then comes the nausea, irritable bowel, eczema, asthma and so on. The list really is endless.

In hatred it is as though you have taken the poison expecting it to kill someone else.

Forgiveness will set you free

The only person your hatred damages is you

It gets worse. When we maintain negative attachments to the past they will stop us moving forward. The emotions of the negativity that we hold about other people or events are like elastic bands. That keep pulling us back and stop us progressing in life.

In forgiveness, forgoing or letting go you will be able to move into your present. In your present you are able to create the life that you really want for your self. When you are bound to the past you will never create the future that you desire.

A final thought

If the science of karma (the law of cause and effect) is right, and I suspect that it is, then everyone gets theirs in the end. There are no free lunches. All debts need to be paid in full. It would seem that it is not my (our) role in life to punish people for the things that they have done. It is equally true that I do not need to punish myself either. In letting these things go I step out of the cycle of karma and move forward unencumbered by the past in to a happy and fulfilling future.

Do you have anyone that you need to forgive? You don’t need to speak with them, just release yourself of all negative energy you may be holding on to.

Let go, be happy and live in the present.

With Love,
Sean x

8 Reasons to be Mindful

Twenty years ago Mindfulness was an odd word used by strange, silent Buddhists sitting beneath Banyan trees conducting obscure meditative practices. These day mindfulness has become a part of every day psychotherapy.

To be mindful means to be aware of yourself in the present, to be aware of who you are, what you are doing and the effect that it will have on other people. The process of learning to be mindful is what I think of as Waking Up. To be an effective person we need to be mindful and awake. Only then will we enjoy our existence, while at the same time cause the least damage to others.

Here are eight reasons why it might be a good idea to be mindful.

1: Get Physical

Living mindfully means enjoying your body. We each have a body. In the East the body is seen as the temple of the soul, as something that should be looked after, respected, treasured and loved. To live mindfully in your body means to treat it with respect. Keep it well serviced and exercised. Not too fat and not too thin. Eat and drink sensibly. The man who ran the London marathon aged 101 said that his health and fitness was all down to his diet… interesting.

Q: What does your body need you to do for it today?

2: Get Social

Living mindfully means making positive social connections. We are social animals. Our evolution has happened mainly due to our ability to co-operate with each other from the invention of tools to the development of social change. To live in social mindfulness is about caring for other people. This may be charitable or simply helping someone across the road.

One of the good things about us all looking after other people is that everyone’s needs are met, including yours.

Q: Who could you help today?

learn to be mindful

3: Get Some Fun

Living mindfully means having fun. If you are living a balanced life then you will already be having fun. If, on the other hand your are trying to create the perfect work life balance the chances are that life is not fun for you right now. When did you last have some fun?

Living mindfully and having fun go hand in hand. If you are bored or stuck in a routine you are not living mindfully. When you are living mindfully you are aware of your needs and doing things that make you feel good. For most of us the fun is in being challenged, trying something new, taking a holiday, starting a new venture. I often say to clients “when did you last have fun?” Sadly they often look blank and cannot remember.

Q: What would be fun to do today? Or what fun things can you plan for the future?

4: Get Some Love

Living mindfully means both loving and being loved. We all need a bit of love in our lives. Love, self esteem and a robust immune system and health all run together. It is also true that love and happiness go together. Yet, as in all things, it begins at home. To be loved you have to begin with loving yourself.

Try this, go to a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say “I love you”. At the point when you can say it, feel it and believe it, you are ready to be loved by another person. Living mindfully with love ensures that you make decisions that serve you well. It also means that you only do things that serve other people well. Positive loving action and the process of Dharma are the same thing. ‘Do as you would done by’ is the guiding principle.

Q: Who do you love?
Q: Would it be a good idea to tell them?
Q: What do you need to do to feel loved?

5: Get Wealthy

Living mindfully means an abundance of wealth. Wealth is a funny concept because we tend to attach it to money, yet we can be wealthy in many areas of our lives; wealthy with friends, opportunities, love, happiness and so on.

We all need to live and to do that we do need money and resources according to our needs. How much is enough? Most people will say ‘a million’. I guess it sounds like a nice round sum. For any of us if we have more than we need we are in a state of wealth and abundance. If you need £99 but you have £100 you are wealthy beyond need, you are in surplus. To be mindfully wealthy requires us to know what we need and that we have a surplus, only then are we truly rich.

Q: Are you wealthy? If not, what would you need to feel wealthy?

6: Get Organised

Living mindfully means living with clarity and not with clutter. It is often said that you can tell what is going on in someones head by looking at their desk. I guess you could extend that to looking at their house or, the way that they live. Just like a tree bears fruit, our actions in life bear results and these we see all around us. There comes a point in everyday, week, month, year or lifetime when we need to put our house in order and sort things out. These may be physical, social, emotional and so on.

My teacher once told me ‘you are never ready to live until you are ready to die’. He was saying that when your life is clear and in order, when you have said everything that needs to be said, done everything that needs to be done, taken care of all debts and promises, you are ready to get on with life. To live mindfully means that you clear up all your mess as you go along so that you live in a world of clarity.

Q: What do you need to do to clear up your messes and create clarity in your life?

7: Get Intuitive

Living mindfully with intuition means living with insight. Those that cultivate their intuition develop clear vision, they become clairvoyant. Insight is a magical quality that is only really developed in a few people. We all have the ability to connect with others.

We may be thinking of someone and the phone goes and there they are. We spontaneously meet the right person or follow the right hunch. Often intuitive insight is called coincidence or accident. Mindful insight come to those that develop it. This means creating mind-time. It may come in the form of meditation or contemplation exercises. It might be in swimming up and down the pool, walking the dog or going for a run. Regardless of how it is done, consistent and persistent mind-time allows us to get into the zone. In the knowing silence of the zone we begin to here the answer to our problems.

Q: Where will you find your mind time today?

8: Get Creative

Living mindfully always leads to creativity. In many ways this is the goal that we are all aiming for. True creativity is the science of the imagination. This is the ability to solve problems.

When we are truly mindfully awake there are no problems or obstacles, only learning experiences, challenges and, ultimately, solutions. To be mindfully creative you need to attend to the previous seven steps, pull your life into shape. It is then in the waking that the ability to solve problems flows from deep within. In this new found ability to find solutions there are no problems, no stress, no anxiety. All is safe and as it should be.

Q: What problems do you have that can be turned into challenges? Now go and solve them!

Mindful = Ashtanga

The word Ashtanga means to be integrated or to be whole. Mindful people follow the way of Ashtanga and attend to all levels:

  • Health and physical development
  • Friends and relationships
  • Fun and experience
  • Love and loving
  • Wealth and money
  • Clarity and organisation
  • Intuitive understanding
  • Creative problem solving

Be whole and be happy. Live in the present.

Take care,
Sean x

Why you should stop looking for the perfect work life balance

Phrases about needing to create or maintain a work life balance seem to be everywhere. The majority of the organisation’s I visit have a new policy. As levels of stress and anxiety have risen in Western society the idea that we should look after ourself becomes the buzz idea of the moment.

It is certainly true that people in most organisations are now working longer hours than ever before and many of us will now be doing the same amount of work that two, or even three people were doing a generation ago. Sure, the pressure is on and we do need to be looking after ourselves.

There is an odd contradiction in this concept of work life balance

Are we saying that when we are at work we are not living? Is it the case that we cannot have real life when we are in the workplace? If we are living a truly fulfilled life then shouldn’t there be no separation between work and life?

work life balance advice

Click here to download and share this work life image

When I came back into the world in the 1980s, having been living and studying in various communities around the world, I had to decide what I would do with this wonderful gift of life. In my decisions making I included the idea that I would need to survive financially. I looked long and hard at myself and I began to realise this:

If I was to be truly happy it would be because I was using this gift of life in ways that made me happy

I decided that working with other people and playing music were the two things that made me happiest. And so, that is what I have done ever since. I do not go to work I simply live my life. I have no work and life to balance, I simply just live and enjoy my life.

[quote float=”right”]If we are living a truly fulfilled life then there should be no separation between work and life.[/quote]

I am not unique – many others have disregarded the work life myth

I have met many people who live the same way. Along with many who have the concept that going to work is something that has to be endured. The idea of hating Mondays and the opposite joy of loving Fridays is never there in my world. I love my life and I love what I do every day of the week.

Most of us (actually about 94% of the population) are wage slaves. They are working for an employer who pays a set hourly rate for the amount of hours they are prepared to employ someone for each week. This leaves most people stuck in a place of relative poverty and routine. The bottom line is that if you do not like going to your work then you are in the wrong job. You are not doing what you should be doing with your life.

T. Harv Ekker in his book and course ‘The Millionaire Mind’ explains how we each use our inner template or paradigm to create the world of our experience and that includes our financial world. For many people the idea of running your own business can be scary but for many it is the answer. It allows each self employed person to live a life that they would wish to. Dave Woods in his book ‘Get Paid For Who You Are’ explains that we all have a business within us once we take the time to realise it.

There is a clever phrase that someone said, ‘Do you live to work, or work to live?’ Perhaps the alternative is that you simply live and earn your daily crust by doing what makes you happy. Now, for some of you reading this you may be thinking ‘well it’s ok for you, but I can’t do that’ well, here at Live In The Present we have been running courses for many years enabling people to discover what it is that they really want from life and looking at how they might achieve it. These courses led to the book ‘Live In the Present‘.

The journey of discovering who you are and finding your own fulfilment begins with the answer to that simple, but at the same time difficult question.

‘What do you really, really, really, really want from your life’

Once you answer this question you will be well on your way to living a balanced life and no longing needing to consider a work life balance.

Take care and live in your present.

Sean x

St Valentine is Here Again

Who will you be showing love to this year? There are plenty of people that need it.

We all tend to see St Valentines day as a time for the expression of romantic love, and for many it is. I have a another idea. In a world that is full of consumerism and recession there are many people out there that need to know that someone cares, that would benefit from a little love.

Statistics tell us that over 50% of us are on our own, or living as single parents. Some of us are on our own due to failed relationships and others due to bereavement and loss. And there are those who have lost all that they have and are living alone on the street.

How about we give Valentine a make over and extend our sharing of love to those, either in our own community, or across the world, that are needy of love and care. Who do you know in your community that would benefit from a card, a small gift, a visit, a kind word, or a helping hand?

In a world where we all show love and care for others everyone’s needs are met and community wellbeing rises. That has to be a win win. In the end, as John Lennon put, “love is all there is”.

Have a wonderful Valentines and share the love.

Take care,
Sean x

Can Money Buy You Happiness?

There are plenty of saying that we’re taught as we’re growing up. Many of them are about money:

Money doesn’t grow on trees

Money is the root of all evil

The best things in life are free

and of course, everyone’s favourite…

Money doesn’t make you happy

Take a look at the video above and see what you think. Can money make you happy? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

New Year, New Diet – Sean Orford’s 13 Day Detox Diet

A message from our resident writer, Mr Sean Orford (originally posted on seanorford.com)….

Quite a few people have said they would like to join the detox this New Year and so Ed has put together an updated eBook that you can access via the forms below.

[contact-form-7 id=”1789″ title=”Detox Signup”]

SO WHAT ABOUT DETOX?

The other day someone accused me of being a yo-yo dieter. Well, never having eaten a yo-yo in my life I don’t know what they are talking about. If you have joined me for a detox before you will know just how good it feels. For over thirty years I have done a regular detox every spring and every autumn, and in between as well.

When I first began doing detox I was living in an Ayurvedic community living a life that was vegetarian, organic food, daily yoga and meditation. Working in teams of six we would each take a turn at going into silent retreat and either detoxing of fasting for a week. This meant that every six weeks I flushed my system.

The detox program I now follow lasts for around thirteen to fifteen days depending on when you come into the programme from your current diet. In day one we drop all heavy foods, meat, fatty foods and any thing stodgy. Day two we drop fish, day three dairy produce, day four wheat and cereals. On day five we focus on cooked veg, day six, raw veg, day seven, fruit, and then if you are up for it a day on simply fruit juice, and then if you are really serious a day on just hot water with some honey and lemon. If you have never detoxed before this may be to difficult to follow and therefore ignore these days.

Having flushed the system we now work our way back up, fruit juice, fruit, raw veg, cooked veg and so on until we are back to a normal diet. Of course on the way down we drop tea, coffee, alcohol and, all soft drinks other than fruit juice.

This is an ideal way to begin the New Year especially if you are starting a new weight regime or stopping smoking or drinking etc. weight loss varies, but for me it is around 6lbs.

When you detox it is more than simply your body. During the process your mind and emotions get a good clean as well especially if you do a little meditation.

Download the pack and have a look and maybe give it ago… all free of charge of course 🙂

[contact-form-7 id=”1789″ title=”Detox Signup”]

Take care,

Sean x

Look Back, Let Go, Be Positive, Move Forward

Around about now people start talking about New Years resolutions, i tend not to as for me if you want to change something in your life you need to do it in the NOW and not on a random date. So this is my alternative,  a review.

Take a step back to the same time a years ago, can you remember what were you expecting of 2012?

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Eat, Drink but Stop and Think!

What is it all about?

Now at this time of celebration let the eating and the drinking begin. The time to celebrate and give gifts to those that we care about is upon us, though the way that we celebrate it will vary. For some it will have been the pagan festival of Yule on December 21st, for some Christmas Day on December 25, for others the festival of giving is on January 6th, the twelfth night, when the Wise Men were said to bring their gifts to Jesus.

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Happy Thanksgiving

What will you be doing this Thanksgiving?

In a world of gratitude this is the best time of year. A time of mellow fruitfulness and harvest festivals. The barns are filled with food and we relax into the warm fire glow of dark cosy evenings. This was always the time of story telling and craft making, a time when people get together and enjoyed each others company. Being thankful for all that you have and, all that you will have, raises your mood and increases your sense of wellbeing and happiness.

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