Women and Equality

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International women’s day is on March 8 a time to celebrate such wonderful people.

At what point did the males on the planet become dominant and the females submissive? It is the same in virtually all mammal species. Generally it is men who take on the appearance of being dominant. It has never seemed that way to me. In the human species I think that women have always run the world but have cleverly allowed men to believe that they are in charge.

I am not denying that men have been grossly unfair to women and have abused and suppressed them and created great inequality on virtually every level and in many societies continue to do so. Also I am aware that women had to fight and some societies still fight, to get the rites of equality and even the vote. It was not that long ago that women in the UK were legally the property of men, initially their father and then their husband.

I want to suggest a different way of looking at the male female assertiveness and dominance. 

First our nearest relative is not, as many believe, chimpanzees, it is Bonobos. These are a smaller form of Chimpanzee often termed the ‘pygmy chimpanzee’. The striking thing is that Bonobo society is a matriarchy run by the alpha female. The females are assertive and dominant including sexually. This is not simply a change of roles where the females are the unreasonable dominant for just like men. Bonobo society is calmer, more peaceful and has less conflicts than their chimpanzee cousins. This would indicate that female equality and even dominance is perfectly possible in primate and human society.

The second is normally termed ‘The Sex Contract’ that has existed in human societies from way back in evolution. The contract goes something like this. The female give herself exclusively to a male in return for food and protection. The deal was that she would stay at home in the cave looking after the home, the kids and the in-laws and going down the bush to pick nuts and berries while he was out there bringing back the food, in this case meat, to feed the family. he would also have the role of protecting her and the children from any threat from other males or groups of hominids.

Now the woman needed to multitask to get all her jobs done and the man needed to be a mono-tasker to ensure that he focussed on his hunting without becoming distracted. So we now have the idea that men and woman have different brains. From what I read in neuroscience it would suggest that the brains are pretty much the same it is how they are used that is different. A bit like a computer where the hardware is the same but the programme that is being run is different. Latest research suggests the female brain passes information from one hemisphere to the other, multitasking, while the male brain passes information from the back to the front, mono-tasking.

The sexual part works like this. The woman wants a man who is strong, can be dominant and aggressive to get food and provide protection. However, she needs to be able to control this potentially dangerous male. When couples have sex and both orgasm the woman is energised and able to get up, get on and do things. The male, on the other hand, following ejaculation creates the chemistry that makes him fall asleep. The assumption is that the female managed to control this aggressive male through her sexuality.

The last thing that, to me, makes the dominance of females obvious is caring. In that I include all the positive skills of nurture, caring, love, social cohesion, listening, understanding and so on. When men decide to go to war and beat the crap out of each other it is the women that go onto the battle field and nurse, heal and cure the injured. If there is a peace movement it is normally the women who are running it. When I work with couples, nine times out of ten, it is the woman who is the driver that brought them to therapy.

Over all I think that women have always been dominant in ways that men do not realise from home making to healing. Had it not been for females humanity would have died out generations ago.

Take care and embrace our equality

Sean x 

Is it OK to earn a decent amount of money?

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I had an email from a listener this week all about money, power and an energetic conversation that she had with her father.

“Just had an intense discussion with my dad, he firmly believes that no one should have ‘too much’ money and that anyone who has a lot of money has acquired it in ‘bad’ ways.” 

The first concept to consider is how much is too much? In theory if you are warm clothed and fed you could say that you have all that you need. If you then want a television, the internet, a car and maybe a holiday then you will, by definition have more than someone who cannot afford any of these things. 

T. Harv Eker in his Millionaire Mind Book and courses talks about a money blueprint that is set when we are young and then, unless we adapt it, will play out through our lives. Those that have a rich template will create wealth while those that have a poor template will not. There is lots of evidence that shows when people get a lot of wealth through something like the lottery they will spend, spend, spend until it reduces to an amount that they feel comfortable with. This is when it matches their money blueprint.

It is true that if you gain a lot of money you can gain a lot of power. An engineer defines power as ‘the ability to do work’. The power rating on a motor is telling you how much work that motor can do in an hour. The power that money give us is the ability to do something.

With the power of money we can influence the people, even those at the ‘top’ and create real change in the world. This may be through charity or through educating people on love, kindness and logical ways of thinking and behaving. Many people would say that this is naive to think that it is impossible. “Be realistic” they say. I disagree with this version of “realistic”. I think that money is a magnify glass and makes you more of who you are. If you are a good person money allows you to be more of a good person and if you are a bad person money allows to do more bad things.

Attitudes to money, power and wealth are the ongoing disagreements between true communism, – the left wing – where we are all equal and true capitalism – the right wing – that is full of the haves and have nots. In the argument is between capitalism and  communism. People have tried to answer this problem in many ways. 

Religion has a view. In Islam it is considered wrong to go to bed with a full belly if the people next door go to bed hungry. In Christianity it remains the belief that we should all give 10% of our net income to charities and the poor.  In psychology we can measure the positive effects of giving to charity or committing charitable acts. Being kind to others not only makes us feel better but it also strengthens our immune system.

It is important to note that the finance houses in Europe and USA, including all the long standing household names, founded their wealth mainly on the opium and the slave trades. It is little realised that the one industry that they tried to privatise, along with everything else, was sugar that was and is still highly profitable, but built on plantations and the slave trade.

Because of this association with exploitation both abroad and in Britain people often see money as dirty. As the mill and the mine owners created their wealth by working people hard for little reward we developed unions, worker’s rites and employment law. Something that we may begin to give away with Brexit.

Alongside established business were and are the bad lads such as protection rackets, bad small business practices, and lying politicians. How easily the stage has been set to associate both power and money to bad practice.

The work of the Gates Foundation and the fortune that had been poured into medical research and the myriad charities sponsored by and supported by ‘rich’ people would suggest that money can be both a good and a useful resource. It is not what you have it is how you use it that counts.

In the end the issues is that if you live in a capitalist society people will act in capitalistic ways which are to make as much as you can, keep it all for yourself and don’t share it. If you live in a truly communist society, and there has never been one of these to my knowledge, then the question would be ‘what can I do for you and how can I help?’  

The question, is it wrong to be well off is relative. I work hard, harder than most, I seldom work less than sixty hours in a week. I also earn more then most though I would not describe myself as rich in any way, other than the wealth of positive emotion in my family. Does that make me a bad person? 

We all have the same choice, do we use our time to create wealth or to spend all that we can, even if it is really other people’s. I asked the question a few blogs ago, ‘Why do benefit claimants not work for their money and give back to the community that supports them?’ In an equal society we would all support each other as best we can and would also all contribute. For some that might mean paying taxes while for others it might mean helping out in social enterprises. I come back to my usual phrase…

If we all look after each other then we will all be okay

It is never the money that makes us bad, it is the love of money that makes us bad. As someone once said…

We need to love people and use money, not the other way around.

We can all be charitable. Those that have money can share it. Though even if you have no money to spare you can share your time and your love.

Take care and be happy

Sean x

Take a walk in the wild side

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I guess it follows that as we were hunter gatherers living in forests, not open plains, that we should have an infinity with trees and woods. I hadn’t realised the extent until I read around it and discovered that walking in the woods and being in natural settings is good for our emotional wellbeing. The trees and plants are all releasing pheromones into the air that have a calming effect on our minds and bodies. That explains the air fresheners and smelly candles. We are attempting to recreate the outside inside. Probably be healthier to open the window or go for a walk.

Have you got a walking app? Current wisdom is 10,000 steps everyday though some are now saying that it needs to be even longer than that. I guess there are so many factors to health that everything will vary depending on the individual. The thing that we do know is that we all need to move more and that we are mainly too sedentary. Ed would now tell us about the virtues of only using a bike or our legs and leaving the car at home.

He also has his smart watch that keeps him on his toes, literally. Every hour if he hasn’t got up from his desk or chair, it tells him to get going. For him it started as a novelty but has fairly quickly just become a part of who he is and built into his daily version of himself. Now he is in liaison with both the police and local councils to improve the situation for bikers.

Rie is a walker and together we have built in going for walks at weekends. Rie also  does more high impact stuff and me running (until I started to damage myself, mainly through over enthusiasm). So, walking has become a serious alternative. I am looking forward to being back on the bike once the weather improves a little and I would really like to do some running again but maybe not get so addicted this time!

Mindful walking is to use the exercise to stay in the moment to be instep with yourself. This is a mindful meditation in motion. Now add in some beautiful scenery and the positive psychological effect is enhanced. If you were doing it in a wood or a country setting the pheromones would enhance your neurology.

There is so much evidence now that when we move our bodies we also feed our mind and give extra support to our brain. I always go back to the notion that  as hunter gatherers we needed a lot of eye brain coordination to cope with undulating ground, obstacles and dangers both movement and brain work together. Work one and you work the other. So, physical health is often a state of mind and mental health is often a state of body. They are inseparable.

We now also know that the depth of vision we develop as we learn about visual perspective also effects our emotional self. In the Forrest we needed good depth vision to be able to see both prey and predators. Neuropsychology explains that the centre of the brain developed for depth vision also gives us a depth of emotion that includes understanding and empathy. The assumption of researchers is that as we no longer spend time outside developing depth of vision and depth of emotion we are gradually becoming less social and more isolated, less sensitive and more selfish.

I see so many people, often quite young, who have musculoskeletal problems that have been brought about by years of inactivity. This is a life style issue. Often a work style issue. How often do you move? I can also relate to the idea that these people also have corresponding emotional issues.

Anyway I digress, we need to get moving preferably outside in the woods. We have a good opportunity now to get fit leading up to May which is national walking month. During this campaign we are all encouraged to walk for at least 20 minutes every day .    Have a look at livingstreets.co.uk and you will get a feel for Ed’s desire to get us out and moving.

The neuropsychology is that if you raise your heart rate for about twenty minutes your brain will reward you by releasing happy hormones which feed positively right down into the chemistry of your cells. This is the relationship of:

Happy mind, happy body = Happy body, happy mind

Do you need an excuse to exercise?

When you are new to exercise or you have been out of the game for while you may need an excuse to get going. That could be finding a friend who will do it with you. Maybe join a gym. Get a trainer or join a club for either rambling, walking or running. You could simply borrow a dog. Have a look at borrowmydoggy.com. 

Walking to work

Could you either walk to work or even part of the way? Perhaps parking some way away or getting off the bus or train a stop earlier and walking the rest. In London the underground have a steps map that shows how many steps there are between stations. 

The bottom line is that exercise equals happiness and exercise in the country, if you can, has huge benefits.

So, keep moving, be happy and take care

Sean x 

It’s Valentines Day – Do you feel the love?

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Lovely Rie got us thinking this week as she made some suggestions of things that we might question this Valentine’s Day 

How do you know that you are loved? 

  • What do you want your partner, or lover to mean when they say “I love you”? 
  • Is love for you a simple one stranded thing or is it multi-faceted?
  • How many strands does it have?
  • What are they?

It is so strange that someone can love you truly, madly, deeply but unless it is expressed in just the right way so that you are able to receive it then you will simply not feel it, you will not feel loved.

I sit down with many couples in relationship therapy and commonly, at some point in their past, they both shared their love for each other. The problem, that only came to light later, was that they did not understand what each other meant when they used the word love. They both felt that their partner meant the same as they did. Later they discovered that they were wrong.

Love, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

It is not being loved that is important

It is feeling loved that counts

Example: A common sort of problem

First person: “I feel unloved and hurt when you fail to put a X on the end of a text”

Partner: “That just feels like you a trying to control my emotions. I only put an ‘X’ there when I am really feeling it. It is meaningless if I always put it there because in the end it just means nothing.”

Therapist: “How about if it is important to your partner to see an ‘X’ and if you do love her and care about her would the act of simply adding an ‘X’ be something that you know would make her feel happy and good. Is it therefore not worth doing?”

Sometimes showing your partner that they are loved isn’t egocentrically based around your need to be honest it is about ensuring that the person that you love feels it. To go out of your way, to put yourself out, to get something or do something that you know will make your partner happy is an expression of love.

If your response to the above is something like, “Well, my needs are as important as their’s and if I need not to put a ‘X’ at the end of a text and they love me then they will respect that”, then you are either emotionally immature or need to be in another relationship.

Once you get into relationships it can happen that love becomes a demand and not an act of giving. Success in relationships comes from both people giving, it is then that both people will receive. If both people expect to get love without giving it then neither of their needs will be met.

If it becomes a battle it ceases to be love and becomes acts of possession. Think about your relationship and how do you both share your love.

In relationships we sometimes need to fake it to make it. 

Maybe your partner has really cheesed you off for some reason but you still arrange their birthday party and have risen above the difficulties. If your partner loves you in the same way they will do the same for you. It is to do with whether or not your love is conditional and demanding or unconditional and giving. In a world where there really is no right or wrong, where there is only a consequence to your action, you need to take responsibility for who you are, for what you do and how you show your love.

I guess I should add that pouring out your love, time and energy into someone who does not love you back is like standing in an ice cold shower tearing up twenty pound notes. Not to be recommended.

Love is the magic glue that holds the whole of the universe together. It may be expressed as the law of attraction, as gravity, in the relationship between particles and atoms, it might be shown in the caring for the sick and needy or it might simply be in the giving of a bunch of flowers.

However you share you love, I hope that Valentines Day confirms the love that others have for you.

Take care and Happy Valentine’s

Sean X

Energy and Breath

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We had an email this week asking about how can we keep our energy up and keep going even in the face of difficult situations such as Brexit? For some this would be seen as inspiration, motivation and will power. The way that I see it is that most people are quite capable of achieving what they desire in every situation. It is often that they never have the self belief to get on with their life and simply just do it. As I said on the podcast most people do not need to find their accelerator what they need to do is take their foot off the brake.

There are two words in the English language that make me smile.  The first is ‘Inspiration’ when we get that flash of genius that solves a problem or creates a wonderful work of art or a scientific breakthrough and so on. The second is ‘Respiration” that we use to describe both the process and product of breathing. I smile because when any of us use these words, even the most committed atheist among us, we are really talking about spirit.

To be inspired means to be filled with spirit. This would seem to be an acknowledgment of the connection between all creative processes and the universal energy that some call ‘source energy’ and others refer to as ‘God’ or Yahweh, or Brahman and so on. Whatever we call ‘that’ thing we can all acknowledge that there are some of us that are, at some point, inspired and inspirational, or else we would not have any invention or charismatic leaders.

Respiration or to respire is to breathe and exchange gases through inhalation and exhalation. The word respire really means to ‘re-spirit’ or to refill with spirit. So that again we make the connection with spirit or ‘that’ thing and our self, our experience and our life.

It is said the the first thing that we do in life is to breathe in and, the last thing that we do in life is to breathe out. It is the breaths in between these two that are what we call our life, when we stop breathing this life comes to a close.

We do not realise the importance of breath. I know that if we do not breath we die, that is not what I mean, it is more to do with the quality of our breath, it’s depth, it’s speed and repetition, because there is something that you should understand about breath. It is this, we all get the same amount or breaths. A life ‘time’ is not counted in years it is counted in breaths and heart beats. There is a direct correlation between breaths and heart rate. The faster the heart the quicker the breath, the faster the breath the quicker the heart.

Across the world human life expectancy is an average 72 years, while a hamster has an average life expectancy of three 3 years and, amazingly a whale is around 150 years, but the number of breaths and heartbeats for each species will stay the same, in fact all amphibians, birds, fish, mammals and reptiles live life spans of the same average heart beats and breaths. The heart rate of a whale is around 10 heartbeats a minute and hamsters is 450 per minute.  Yet for both, during their life they will both have the same number of beats averaging about 1 billion.

On average, humans breathe about 960 breaths per hour that equates to 23040 breaths in a day and 8409600 in a year. If you were to live to 80 you will take around 672,768,000 breaths, based on your average respiration rate at rest. If you exercise your heart rate and respiration will increase while under exercise, but will drop back to a slower rate after the exercise so that over all the rates decrease. The other things that will increase respiration and heart rate in a negative sense is stress and anxiety

Considering all this the process of breathing is the focus of meditation and mediation techniques. Almost all mindful meditation techniques begin with breath focus, and in meditation and relaxation heart and respiration rates drop significantly. 

The punch line is that those people who breathe slower live longer. People who remain physically fit will breathe slower when at rest, and the most efficient breathing comes from the meditators who are taking control of their system and are leading calm and relaxed lives. It is always true that in life we do not need to slow down, we need to calm down.

In the Podcast I made a suggestion for an App as my resource of the week. There are several to choose from. Simply type Pranayama in your App Store and take your pick. If you calm your breath you will calm your mind. If you calm your mind you can be more focussed and get more done. If you create calmness, relaxation and meditation you will live longer and happier and if you take your foot of your brake you might also achieve what you desire.

Relax and be happy

Sean x

Is it right to stockpile?

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It had not occurred to me, but should we be worried about supplies in the UK if we have the dreaded hard Brexit?  I have been in countries like Cuba and gone into shops to be greeted by empty shelves, but I have been brought up in a land of plenty. Apart from the food rationing during the last war, during which time people were much healthier, we have really been living the life of the richest people on the planet. So should we be worrying?

Colleagues of mine have been discussing what they need to stockpile in case of a hard brexit. The conversation began when one of the hospital departments ran out of tissues and no one knew when the next shipment would arrive. This turned into…

“what would we do if the shops ran out of tissues?” 

This then became a fear of the lack of sanitary products in general and then went on to cosmetics. It was a good twenty minutes before anyone mentioned food. There was then a bunch of stories from the good old days, like when how each family had stretched food to last into the week until payday. Now it became serious. 

‘should we be stockpiling food, just in case?’ 

The next thing was, what then should we or could we stockpile? Well, it was decided that the freezers should all now be stuffed full with meat, fish and other perishables. Now the fear “what would happen if there was a power cut?” The decision here was that it would need to be cooked and re stored. Then someone said “but if there was no power you couldn’t cook it, could you?”

It was a good lesson in anxiety, watching this group of people go from a happy lunchtime sandwich to the point of panic.

The next obvious thing was that tinned foods that would always be fresh. Baked beans were the obvious and the favourite of course, tomatoes. Then came the jars, jams and sauces. Of course we would need sugar! As a veggie I suggested the dried foods, beans rice etc., to which they all looked a bit snotty. And, there are long life cheeses such a Hallaumi that can have two years dates on and nut milks that do not need to be refrigerated and long life cows milk.

Then, shock horror, if the French cut us off where would we get our wine? They all laughed when they realised that what they were drinking came for Australia anyway. But, what about German beer? Then as our one remaining smoker got up to go and have a fag in her car she said ‘I better stock up on me cigs’.

I was thinking about how each Christmas and Easter, when the shops are shut for just one day, people load their trollies to the ceiling as though they are preparing for a siege. Does that mean that we need to get to the shops before it all goes? But, that just creates the panic that makes people hoard goods in the first place.

Hey ho, interesting times ahead.

Take care.

Sean x

 

Is it okay to get it wrong?

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I have been moved to look at this issue for the podcast and the blog due to the amount of people, mainly professionals and parents, that come to me feeling guilty because they believe that they got ‘it’ wrong and now feel guilty about it. This spans from partners in failed or ailing relationships, parents of drug addicted or suicidal children, managers and owners of failed businesses or departments/doctors who have misdiagnosed or surgeons who have lost patients on the operating table.

My thought process around this was triggered when someone came to see me after having a near fatal road traffic accident. Well, it was near fatal for the person that they hit. The guilt was based in the fact that they were looking down at their phone and didn’t see the person step out into the road in front of them. Just a few seconds of lost concentration and ‘bang’, almost dead. That event was bad enough but when the following thought was the anxiety of ‘but would have happened if they had died?, How would I live with it?’

We all make mistakes, it is the human condition. 

Some mistakes will be obvious and others hidden.  Sometimes the only person who ever knows about it is ourself. Depending on what we were doing at the time of our mistake, will either just effect us or will effect other people, or maybe a lot of other people. So, how do we deal and hopefully come to terms with the results of our mistakes?

I start from the point of view that all of life, positive or negative, is consequential. Everything that we think, feel or do has a consequence, there will always be an outcome of some sort. Some of these consequences will be the result of an intended event or a conscious act. Others will be the result of an unconscious act.

In most cases it is easier to deal with conscious rather than the unconscious acts because when the act is conscious there was a process that justified our actions to us before we committed them. We may regret them afterwards but it was an active decision to proceed at the time. 

The person who looks down at their phone while driving and damages another person did not intend that outcome to happen, it was an unconscious act. There was no plan and no forward processing. Often these people are left with the unanswerable questions such as ‘If only I had…; or ‘If only I hadn’t…’ Regret and guilt in these cases is often the precursor of depression, anxiety and some psychological disorders, including post trauma or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

However, whether the action is conscious, planned, deliberate or accidental we are responsible for the consequence of that action and this is what we have to live with.

When I worked in the prison service there were prisoners who had committed terrible acts on other people that resulted in awful injury or even death. Those with a psychotic turn of mind were able to dismiss the consequences of their action and would, in all likelihood going on to do similar things after their release. There were also those that ended up in prison for unconscious acts such as hitting someone when in temper or provoked and the person fell awkwardly, hit their head and died.

Some were there for criminal negligence and lived in an internal hell of self recrimination, guilt and regret and often felt that they deserved the worst punishment possible. For some this became the issue of regret that led to a penitential attitude that sought forgiveness. Some had religious conversions and vowed to live a life of free giving and service to others.

Some of our hardest critics are often the ones that we love, family, friends and partners. Who become over critical of who we are and what we do and seek to blame or punish us for what ‘they’ see as wrong or do not agree with.  Of course our greatest critic is our self. If you have an internal critical parent in your mind you will never get it right and potentially always get it wrong.

When developing the steps for the Live In The Present course it was pretty obvious that forgiveness of self and others was the primary step to any level of change. The hurts and grudges that we hold from unresolved past events whether they are to do with our self or with others will hold us back like an anchor if they remain unresolved. Another thing that can really help is an apology. It can unburden you and help others.

However, over all I like the idea that we do not have problems we only have learning opportunities. When things go wrong, or when I get things wrong, my first response is to question why did that happen, what was that about? Somewhere within it will be a lesson that once learned need never happen again. But, like lots of us, I have often revisited the same lessons time after time and only learned in small instalments. Such is life.

Take care

Sean x

Rejection and Acceptance

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Ed and I were looking at Theresa May and the way that she has been getting hammered by her party in the Brexit fiasco. As her bill was defeated by over 200 votes Ed was wondering how it must feel to deal with that level of rejection by your peers. That got us thinking about rejections opposite acceptance. In most situations in life we are either accepted or rejected. It could be in the family, at school, college, work, in relationships and so on. Just how much do we compromise who we are in our drive to gain acceptance and avoid rejection?

I suddenly had this idea. I could remember an airline pilot telling me that they didn’t steer the plane. What they were doing was correcting it’s path as it went off course. Apparently the same thing is true for a ships captain. With both a plane and a ship you point it in the direction that you want to go in. The elements then come into play as wind and air pressure force the plane off course and the tides and current force the ship off course. In both cases the job of the captain is to keep it on course. Therefore they are not steering they are correcting.

That made me think of walking down the corridor in the hospital. Those that I pass make eye contact. Some smile and some say hello. What are we doing? Well, I think that we, just like the captains, are correcting our progress to our destination which is acceptance. In being polite and acknowledging other people I am, in some way, demonstrating that I belong. I am more importantly avoiding rejection.

Through evolution the individuals of almost every species has relied for their safety on belonging to the herd, flock, pack, troop, tribe and so on. In modern times we humans might need to include things like school, university, class, ethnicity, gender, political party, union, profession, and so on. What is it that you do to ensure that you are accepted by your group or groups?

If we look at the behaviour of Trump. It is fairly obvious that he is rejected by many of his own electorate and also many people around the world. So, what’s his driver to behave in such a way? His payoff is the acceptance from his supporters. The people that he wants to be accepted by need him to be objectionable to other people. Strange but true.

Going back to Brexit, we now have the vote of no confidence this evening, we have a direct split across the country to leave or remain, to reject or accept. Acceptance and rejection is the same from whichever side you view it. The thing that we tend to find is that rejection can lead to emotional backlash. 

One expectation is that if leave is scuppered or put back to the people for a vote the Brexiteers will feel the full force of rejection and may well react negatively. The same could be equally true the other way around. If the we leave and the remainders feel that it was a lie and a con, their feelings of rejection may also erupt. It sounds dramatic to talk about civil unrest but it could happen. With a split which is around 50/50 people are talking in terms of a civil war.

I guess a democracy works when we respect the will of the people. However, a democracy only works well when the information is transparent and people tell the truth.

However this lands I suspect that we are in for interesting times. Our abilities to deal with rejection and our ability to accept will be pushed to the limit.

Take care and be kind

Sean x

Things to be happy about

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This week, as we are into the New Year, Ed and I decided to focus on the positive. The ‘Wired’ article, ‘It’s not all bad! 18 things that made the world a better place in 2018’, got us thinking.

Environment

We have all the bad news about pollution and the human ability to destroy the planet. However the good news is Nepal Tiger that we almost managed to make extinct has doubled it’s numbers and seems on the road to recovery. 

Two scientists, Miranda Yang and Jenny Yao have developed a catalyst that will break down the plastic in the ocean to enable them to bio-degrade. Considering that a single use plastic bag will take 450 years to degrade if left to it own devices

Virgin Atlantic made it’s first 747 flight using recycled fuel.

Health

And we all need it, is starting to be dominated by AI. A new watch can detect changes in sweating that are the precursor of an epileptic fit, warning the wearing to get to a point of safety before the seizure begins.

I love this one because I used to run reminiscence session in elder homes. This has now been advanced to include virtual reality headsets that can take Alzheimer’s sufferers to recall memories from the childhood and early life that can be more real to them than the present moment.

Talking of AI a machine at Moorfields Eye Hospital was able to diagnose eye disease in 94.5 percent of cases. That is as good if not better than the leading ophthalmologists.

Science

Donna Stickland won the Nobel Prize for physics. Being only the third woman to ever do so. Well done Donna.

This is a good one. Mosquitoes have been genetically engineered to reduce or stop them from spreading Malaria. That has to be one up for GM science.

Not so sure about this one. The first baby has been born after the successful womb transplant. Not sure where that one could lead us.

Technology

People are said to be spending less time on Facebook. That does sound like a good thing. However, it is only happening because the providers are manipulating again, and in reality it only works out to two minutes a day per individual. Which I guess is a start. Throughout the world population that computes to a total of 50 million fewer hours per year.

What about a cyber Robin Hood who is hacking into systems that do not protect our data too well and reverse hacking them. They are repairing and improving systems so that they work better and we are protected.

I could go on. There is so much to be appreciative and grateful for, not just in 2018 but, in life everyday. The human mind and creativity is an amazing and, largely untapped, resource. We all have the creative potential to contribute, if we just spend a little time to be mindful enough to give back.

That reminds me. The other day a client was telling me about a Harold Robbins 90 day programme designed to help improve you relationship. His simple, yet powerful, idea is that each day you ask your partner ‘what can I do for you?’ Rather than focussing the other way around ‘what I need you to do for me is…’

So back to my philosophy…

‘If we all look after each other we will all be okay’

Time to focus on the things that made you happy during 2018 and maybe consider asking your partner what it is that you could do for them in 2019.

Take care

Sean x

New Year 2019

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I want to base this blog around a message on Instagram from Cheryl Rawlings who is an illustrator and calligrapher. Her suggestion is that for 2019 you do not plan those definitive things that will only let you down or perhaps feeling like you have not made it or that you have failed!

Cheryl has written a letter to herself…

‘Dear You’

This is the letter that you write to yourself about what you might expect to happen for you in 2019.

‘Put the planner down, next year is coming and it’s ok not to have it all worked out yet.’

We have just been through the stress of pre-Christmas and actual Christmas, now we have New Year and then we plunge into 2019. Do you want to create more stress by setting your self up for a strict set of rules to take you through 2019? It can be useful to write yourself a letter as though it is Christmas 2019 that can create a guide but guides can vary and alter.

‘Focus on the good things that you have done and don’t let the inner critic have a voice.’

That negative inner voice is the monkey mind that can create crazy levels of anxiety. It is so important to remember that ‘thoughts become things’ and that we have a choice as to what goes on in our mind?

‘Try new things, set some goals’

It is good to have some challenges, though these need to be things that are fun. The more you enjoy something the easier it is to do. When you set goals that you feel you ‘ought’ to do rather than you ‘want’ to do it can become really tough.

‘but don’t worry if you achieve other ones instead.’

The important thing to realise is that you are moving forward. If you have an open mind your path may vary, it may not stay the same. To be flexible and adaptable is important to happiness. When we are fixed we can create our own stress and feelings of failure.

‘Make your loved ones smile’

This is a good one. If all that you did was make other people smile that would be enough. There is so much research that shows the relationship between smiling and positive endorphins in the brain. Not just the effects that smiling has on you, but also when you smile at someone else their brain also secretes positive endorphins.

‘Learn to love yourself. It will be the best lesson you will learn.’

Charity begins at home. If you love yourself you will be able to love other people. Also you have to love yourself to allow other people to love you. We make the mistake of believing that self love is arrogance, it is not. Self love is the basis of positive self esteem.

‘Be present’

Live in the present is our slogan and at the very heart of who we are. You can only be effective in the present not the past or the future. Be here now and be happy.

‘Take the adventure’

We need a challenge. We all need to dare to try something new. Step out of ordinary and expand your horizons.

‘Enjoy’

This has to be the most important. Unless you are enjoying life what is the point? Be happy, do things that make you feel good.

‘Love Me xx’

So get writing and make 2019 what ever you want it to be, but don’t get stuck in unobtainable goals.

Sean x