Dealing with Self Doubt

The podcast this week follows on from last week when we heard Alex describe herself as “only a hairdresser”. My point to her was that she was not giving herself the value that she deserved.

We had an email from Luke, as follows…

“…I am plagued with self doubt, low self esteem and pessimistic points of view, I want to be positive. I have a goal but just can’t get my head around the idea that I am even remotely good enough even to apply never mind get the placement. What can I do?”

Having a positive sense of ourself starts with the labels that we give ourselves. When people ask us ‘and who are you?’ what do we say? Well in most cases what we do is list the roles that we play and the things that we do. Because we live in a world that is driven by what we do we have to have roles to play that we can feel good about, those that serve us well. Or we will have nothing positive to answer the question with. It is then that we can feel the “I am only…”

Self-doubt can come at the point of change
When we develop self-doubt it is often based around our loss of the sense of meaningful roles. Sometimes we look at what we are doing and feel that our lives are, or have become pointless. This is not an uncommon feeling. Most people will feel this at some point. Often related to change we may feel it when a certain aspect of our live comes to a close. We leave school, the university course comes to an end, we leave a job, retire, are made redundant, we get divorced or separated, or someone close dies. The list is endless.

The solution here often comes from just simply acting, do something, join a club or a course. Get yourself going again. It is by doing that we create a new life, we create new meaning.

Self-doubt can come from needing to change direction
Sometimes we find that the decisions that we have made and the path that we have been following is not actually what we actually want or what we expected it to be. This involves being able to face up to the wrongness of our decision and do something to get it right. This can be accompanied with a sense of failure that might make us feel stupid. Such feelings sap our self-belief in getting something right in the future. If these thoughts lead to feelings of ‘what is the point?’ It can lead to depression and then it can be progressively harder to get enough energy to get going again.

The solution here comes from therapy, mentorship, sometime medication, or coaching.

Monkey in your head.
The situation that Luke describes suggests that he has let his monkey out of the cage. His monkey has run off and is throwing negative bananas at him. This is the process of rumination. Once we let monkey business take over we end up with…

What you feed grows and what you starve dies

If we continually recite negative mantras we just feed the negative concepts within us and they grow ever bigger. Choosing to ignore the negative monkey and to recite and repeat positive internal messages will, eventually, cause the negative monkey to grow ever quieter until we can pop it back in it’s cage.

The solution here is the use of positive affirmation. Try reading some Louise Hay and work with her positive affirmations. Learn to become internally inspirational. Read, listen, watch The Secret. Try Joe Vitale’s the Attractor Factor. However you do it, get some positive input.

Is there an external negative feed?
If you’re a regular listener or have read any of my books, you may be aware of the negative things my father said to me, to the point when I believed what he said. Are there people around you that are feeding you negative messages? Who are you hanging around with?

The solution here just might be deciding it is now time to change your relationships, friendship group, job and so on. Associate with people whose attitudes will enhance you and serve you well.

For my resource of the week I chose:
Mentoring – Buddying – Making a plan – Creating Mind Maps – Practice Mindful meditation.

What I am saying is “do something to make it different” and if you can’t find the energy within yourself see a therapist, get a mentor or a buddy.

We all deserve to be happy. Happiness begins with self love. Self love comes from doing things and being in situations and relationships that serve you well. It just might be time for a self audit?

Take care, be happy and love yourself

Sean X