Justice

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The Uk was stunned recently by the American diplomat’s wife who allegedly killed a young man who was riding a motorcycle and then chose to claim diplomatic immunity and leave the country without having to face up or atone for her crime. This raised a lot of issues in the press and general conversation about the nature of justice. The issues of prison, punishment and retribution have been ongoing debates for hundreds of years and have led to extreme behaviours. At one end is the world of retribution and the extremes of sharia law at the other end are the liberal world of rehabilitation and learning.

I realised as we were talking about it that my own belief structures deal with this for me. It goes something like this. I see life as reincarnation and ongoing. That means for me that no one ever gets away with anything, that there are no free lunches and that all debts must be paid in full. I accept that for many people such ideas might seem ridiculous, for me it is very real.

The idea that life goes on and that our actions are all consequential is the basis of karma or what goes around come around or the idea that everyone gets theirs in the end. Quite simply  the concepts of Karma are those of the consequences of action. Karma acknowledges that the things that we do have an effect, this is the consequence. Attached to that is our responsibility for what we do and the effect that it has on both ourselves and on others. 

Often karma is mistaken as a law of negative retribution. But like most laws in the universe karma is neutral it is not concerned whether or not the effects of what we do lead to good things or bad things. Just like gravity, which has a universal effect on all things, karma is always in operation. It is true that if we treat other people well then the likelihood is that they will treat us well in turn, this is good karma. If we are treated badly because we have treated others badly then this is bad karma.

But we have a choice to allow the negativity of others to flow by so that we do not become attached to it. This is letting go of emotional negative attachments it is the forgiveness as described in step one of the Live In The Present book. We have a choice as to whether or not we become involved in karma. In this way we are responsible for how we feel about all that happens to us, even the most horrible and dreadful things. It is also the basis of how we see other people and how we judge the actions of other people. We are all judgemental and see the world from our own point of view. ‘One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.’

We can become attached to the consequences of our actions or the actions of others. But, we do have a choice, we do not need to hold onto negative feelings. When difficult things do happen to us rather than seeing them as hurtful or bad things, we could perhaps just view such things in a neutral way. Or we might even see them as useful things from which we might learn and grow.

We don’t have problems we have learning opportunities

Often, when I work with people who are in difficult circumstances, the therapy is about them realising their own responsibility for their situation. Many of us want to blame others for how we are. It will always be true that the things that we experience will have an effect on us, but we have responsibility as to what we allow that effect to be.

We are never effected by events, it is our response to those events that is the effect

Because we choose our responses we can become intimately tied up in our experiences and create own karma. In the end we can never really blame other people for how we feel or for what has happened. Understanding this leads to personal growth.

If, after a difficult experience we can then choose to get our own back, we then get involved in retribution and vendetta. By doing this we feed and build our negative attachments or karmas and we do not grow or develop.

Both individually and collectively we have to decide how we will treat the wrong doers in our society. For some the thief should have their hand cut off or their forehead branded. For the liberalist the thief should be cared for, understood and re-educated. Neither way is right and neither way is wrong. It is simply that each has a consequence. Once we choose a consequence we choose what it is that will happen next. All the time we are either feeding or resolving karmas.

What you feed grows and what you starve dies

Take care, be happy and let go of hate or negative attachments

Sean x

World Mental Health Day

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We are back to international mental health day. there is a big push this years to encourage people to talk and many celebrities have lined up to be honest and tell there own stories – it is good to talk

Mental health is generally defined as something like,  

‘a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being’.

According to .gov it is…

Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.

Are you sane or mad?

I don’t believe in sane or mad models of human behaviour, I think that we are all mad it is just that we all have differing levels of madness that manifest in different ways. Think of it like this…

Imagine a cartwheel. The hub of the wheel is your core self which we might think of as the sane you. Out from the hub extend the spokes of the wheel. Imagine that each one of these spokes is an emotional or mental health spectrum numbered from 1 at the hub up to 100 at its end . So if one spoke is labelled ‘Anxiety’ where would you put yourself on that spectrum, 1 being no anxiety ever at all and 100 being continual full bloom panic attacks? We will all appear on the anxiety spectrum somewhere and depending what is happening in our lives we will be moving up and down sometimes more anxious than at other times.

If we look at the other spokes we will score somewhere on every spoke. There is depression, obsessive compulsive behaviour, anger, bereavement/loss, claustrophobia, agoraphobia, insensitivity, bullying, substance abuse, attention deficit, eating disorders, post trauma…in many ways this is endless. 

Mental health, just like physical health, is not in a static state, it fluctuates depending on what is happening and whether or not we are looking after ourselves. Just as our body will get ill from time to time so will our mind and our emotions. A virus in the body will keep on relocating until the resources of the body muster a defence and destroy it. It is the same in the mind and the emotions. One we get a little thought or feeling and start to ruminate on it, then it will grow and get bigger until we muster the defence mechanisms to overcome it.

Staying emotionally fit requires that we give ourself both the value and the time to attend to our needs. These may be physical, mental and emotional. I am forever asking people ‘what have you done for yourself in the last week?’ Sadly many people answer ‘nothing’ and then they wonder why they do not feel so good. You are the most important person in your life and if you do not look after you then you will never be able to really look after another person.

When you have become emotionally unwell it is usually time to talk. That might be to friends or family or you might require some more professional support from counselling or psychotherapy. You may also require some medication, just like your physical body, sometimes needs a hand to get things right.

The big message for this year’s International Mental Health Day is don’t hold it in and keep it to yourself, talk, share and let it out.

Take care, be happy and keep talking

Sean x

Dealing with Stress

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 – maybe you can lift it with some positive mindfulness

This week we were looking at the concepts of stress. We both identified that we have experienced that bone tiredness of stress and fatigue. We were talking about how we each get stressed and what we do with it. My route, after venting, is to resort to mindfulness  and meditation on the basis that i can let it go and stop ruminating. That got me thinking about the differing levels of stress that can so easily become fatigue. Real stress, not just being busy, becomes debilitating,

Fatigue is a different thing to tiredness. Tiredness can be resolved with a little rest, relaxation or sleep. Fatigue is like being bone tired, it is deep down inside you and the more embedded that it becomes the more it takes for you to get beyond it and hopefully get rid of it.

The experience of fatigue has been given many titles, some of which are accepted by the medical profession and some are referred to psychology as though they do not really exist. From my work as a psychotherapist I see many forms of fatigue. In most cases the experience of fatigue is a learned habit, and as you know from the live in the present work, all habits can be changed or replaced.

Let’s have a look at a few reasons for fatigue.

Under-load is the opposite of over-load. When someone is under-loaded they have little or nothing to do. This is the classic couch potato. There is weight gain, poor diet, and a resultant lack of energy. 

Clinical depression, is when the body chemistry is out of balance and can only be adjusted with medication. This chemical imbalance can create feelings of fatigue. Clinical depression is mainly treated with medication along with psychotherapeutic support.

Reactive depression  is when we have been subjected to an emotional trauma that has effected our body chemistry and created an imbalance. Again medication will help but the key here is psychotherapy.

SAD seasonal depression is when the vitamin D levels drop in the winter due to the reduced sunlight. This can be treated with vitamin D supplements.

Repressed anger is when people have internalised anger about people or events that is not dealt with or resolved.

Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome (PVFS)  this is when the body system has been compromised by the infection and needs to rebuild itself. Some medication will help but in most cases it is time, good food, and rest.

The following are not recognised by all medical authorities who can sometimes write of people’s fatigue as psycho-somatic. These include:

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis  (ME) 

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome CFS

Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome CFIDs

In some cases even polymyalgia and fibromyalgia are seen as all in the mind. However, my colleagues in the pain clinic successfully treat many forms of fatigue using traditional medicine, psychotherapy and even acupuncture. 

Overcoming fatigue usually means that you have to take responsibility for your own system and become the expert in your own body and your own emotional system. It does start with ruling out health problems first.

So here are some ideas that you might consider.

Lack of sleep is bad for you. If you sleep less than seven hours or more than nine hours per night you have a problem. Less sleep indicates anxiety and more sleep indicates depression.

If you can’t sleep find out why and do something about it. Excess weight will also make you tired as will stress. If you find that you feel down in the winter and have SAD syndrome, get a vitamin D test, talk to your GP and maybe consider investigating St John’s Wart a herbal broad spectrum anti-depressant.

Things to consider…

Exercise – get your heart beating fast for twenty to thirty minutes everyday

Yoga – is a good way to promote feelings of relaxation and reduce fatigue in you muscles

Hydrate – with water, drink around 2 litres a day, feed your body and your brain

Bed early – get enough sleep but not too much

Meditate – research suggests that the ratio of meditation to sleep is about 5 to 1, that means that 10 minutes good meditation or relaxation is the equivalent of 50 minutes of sleep

Siestas! Afternoon nap – and power napping can boost your energy and you immune system

Don’t ruminate

When you ruminate on an issue it grows in your mind – ‘What you feed grows and what you starve dies’. The more you ruminate the more it takes over your system either good or bad.

The last bit is have some fun. Laughter and smiles that can raise your spirit and reduce your feelings of stress and fatigue.

Take care

Sean x 

Nature

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I am looking out of the window of my apartment in Doha Qatar.  Below me the City speeds about and I can see at least a thousand houses. Each house is full of people, thousands of people. The roads are full, sometimes gridlocked, as all these people rush from somewhere to somewhere else. They are all in a frenzied dash that is, for many human beings throughout the world, normal everyday life. I am struck by the overwhelming concept of ‘just how many of us human beings are here living on this planet?’ 

Ed and I were talking about nature, being in nature and living with nature. He has just arranged a family cycling day which attracted over 300 people who took their cycles on private tracks through a private estate. The families were riding through the woods in touch with nature. Also that day it rained quite a bit, so there was a lot of mud! It seems that this just added to the fun and that sense of being free and in the woods with nature.

It can be hard in a desert that is distinctly beige to feel connected to nature. I am used to the European landscapes of rolling green hills and mellow fruitfulness. The sandy colours seem so flat. I also realise that people living in very hot countries do not go outside very much. If I walk from here to the store it is exactly one kilometre which would be no big deal in the UK but in 45 degrees with 80% humidity it can feel quite a task.

Talking to Ed and looking out of the window makes me realise how easy it is to lose touch with nature. We seem to have become pretty clever at creating artificial environments to be in. So here in the Middle East we go from the air conditioned apartment to the air conditioned car. On work days we then go from the air conditioned car to air conditioned office. At the weekends we go from the air conditioned car to the air conditioned shopping mall and all the time we hardly touch nature at all.

But the same is also true in Europe. We have created our artificial living environments with double glazing and central heating. In one part of the world we have created a way of living where we go inside to get out of the heat while in another part of the world we go inside to get away from the cold. Either way we have ceased to live with nature.

I am struck by the idea that should the electricity fail so that we could no long cool or heat our living spaces we would shortly die out. I suspect that we have become so removed from nature that we would no longer know how to live and survive without the technology that surrounds us.

The technology is really great. It created the iPad that I am typing this on and the recording facilities that we record the podcast on. It will also have created what device you read this or listen to the podcast on but, without electricity all of this, all of our lives and our well being would come to an immediate end. With global warming if we all retreated to the woods and lit fires to survive we would just make the situation worse. I agree that we need to get back to nature but we need to get back on her terms not ours. My fear is that we have become to disassociated from nature that we no longer really understand what our relationship should be. The only people left on the planet who would understand this are the Amazonian Indians who, as hunter gatherers, are in and with nature every day. Sadly these poor souls, who may have the key to our survival, are being displaced and having their environment degraded and destroyed by the mad rush to clear what is left of the rain forest. 

I have a feeling that decisions about our future on this planet will, if they have not already, be taken out of our hands. Mother Nature is a nice girl unless you cross her and then she gets her own back. The loss of the dinosaurs or any of the other mass extinctions that have happened throughout the life of this planet are Mother Nature simply re-establishing a balance.

So my message is, for each of us to stop and have a think about what it is we can do to stop the destruction. No matter how big or small it all helps! Oh and spend more time in nature 🙂

Take care

Sean x

Nudge Theory

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Nudging is the art of persuasion that is carried out below someone’s awareness. This  is mainly used in health and safety areas as we encourage people to look after themselves. The rumble strips as you approach a roundabout get closer and closer together giving you the sensation that your car is speeding up. Your natural reaction is to slow down. No one has told you to slow down or asked you to slow down, you have simply been nudged below you awareness into an action that makes you and other people safer.

In the game of life we all seek to nudge others into doing what it is that we need them to do. If we are subtle they will not realise that they are being nudged. Many people get outraged at these ideas and ask me where nudging ends and manipulation begins? Perhaps the issue is in the eye of the beholder, as I say we are all doing it anyway. Perhaps manipulation is more negative and nudging more positive.

A while ago when we were looking at persuasion I suggested other words that we might use or think of instead of persuasion such as teaching, training, encouragement, seduction, inducement, punishment, cajolery, extortion, manipulation, coercion, bullying, brainwashing, exhortation, fear… I am sure there are more. Perhaps we then need also to consider the common vehicles that are used for persuasion such as media, news, propaganda, prejudice, gossip, faith, belief and our good friend advertising.

The Negative Bias

Evolutionary psychology explains that as we, indeed all beings on the planet, evolved we learned pretty early on that staying safe was a very good idea. This meant that we learned to pay more attention to the painful scary things than to the pleasurable things. This is known in psychology as the negative bias. We all know people who catastrophize events, make mountains out of mole hills and always see the worst possible outcomes, they are simply playing out the evolutionary negative bias to keep them self and those that they care about safe.

It seems strange that the negative message should be more powerful and create more attention than the positive one. Just turn on the news and see this being played out. Simply ask yourself ‘why is news always about bad things happening? Why don’t we pay as much attention to the good news as to the bad?’ The bad news is potentially telling us about things that may threaten us and from an evolutionary point of view this was more important than being happy.

Security and behaviour

Our behaviour is based around our need for security, for our need  to feel safe or normal. This make us vulnerable to be nudged by any message that might make use feel insecure or threatened.

As you will realise my current hobby horse is Brexit. The Brexit movement was all about nudging people with the feeling of fear and threat. When the statement that we would be able to put £350 million back into the NHS it was not talking to our positive self as in ‘oh that is good we will have more money for health’ we heard the message with our negative bias, ‘Those Europeans are stealing our resources’. This plays right back to the evolutionary negative bias it is as though the tribes in the neighbouring territories are stealing our food and resources. The natural response is to move away from the source of the threat,

Now, if I say ‘if we leave Europe it is the stupidest thing we could ever do. We will all suffer, be worse off and create more instability in the world that leads to wars, death and violence…’ all of which I do believe by the way, what I have done is just attempted to nudge you into voting ‘stay’ in the next referendum b y appealing to your negative bias. If I were to appeal to the positive side of your nature and tell what wonderful people the Europeans are and how much we benefit from being involved with them, the message does not have them same impact.

Nudging and persuading is what we are all doing all the time, if not with others then with ourself. How do you nudge yourself to go to the gym when you are feeling like you can’t be bothered?

Mindfulness is the only option that we have to become truly aware of who we are and what we are doing and also to be aware of others and what exactly they are up to. My stuck phrase is ‘what is the sound behind their words? What do they really mean when they said that?’

In mindful awareness we life in a world of choice and if we are Being nudged we might choose to enjoy it and see where it takes us. After all life is about learning?

Take care and be happy (that is a nudge by the way)

Sean X (so is the X that infers that I care without actually saying it)

Healing

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I was moved to do the podcast this week on health because I have, over the years, been working in some buildings that are hospitals, care homes or respite that do not feel healthy. We have a local hospital that is made of concrete and each time I go in it I wonder how anyone could ever get better it there because it feel so heavy. Ed and were talking about different environments and the effects that they might have on our health. But ‘sick building’ syndrome, as it is known does not only effect the physical body it also effects the emotional self. We know that when people feel good their immune system is more robust and their ability to get better is enhanced. I am left wondering how much of what we call anxiety and depression might be more environmental than we realise.

After all in a world where at least 60% of people suffer anxiety, 45% report being stressed and 45 million working days are lost each year to stress and anxiety we just might consider doing something about it. If some of this is environmental is it necessary to reach for medication or can we learn to moderate our wellbeing and health in other ways.

It would be good if we could get out of the building that we work in more but sadly this  is seldom the case. In many ways we are stuck. So what can we do to lift our mood and try to bolster our immune system?

It has to start here and now because in the now, in the moment, there is no depression, no anxiety and nothing to worry about. If we can let go of what was and not worry about what will be we might feel a whole size happier. The suggestion below could enhance your ability to be in the moment not in a depressive past or an anxious future. They are all also a way of increasing the happy endorphins in your brain, which also has the effect of keeping you younger for longer and building your immune defences. 

Use the time that you do have in non stressful ways. 

How long does it take you to get to work? On that journey are you living in the present being relaxed and easy with yourself or are you winding up for a difficult day? How about you use that time to listen to music, an audio book or, if you are on public transport, actually read a book. Or maybe you takes Ed’s advise and get on a bike.

Mindful meditation. 

We know that just 10 minutes a day of focussed mindful quiet time can change your life. It is the practiced application of living in the present. The ten minutes begins to seep into the rest of your day calming and relaxing your life.

Relaxing pastimes and hobbies

Painting a picture, cooking a meal, knitting a jumper, the list becomes endless. When you focus on a project, whatever it is, your ability to worry becomes diminished as you focus into the moment. What have you done for you in the last week to make you feel good? If the answer is nothing then it is time to change and begin to look after yourself.

Doing good things for others

Doing things that make other people happy has the magic effect of making you feel better and increasing the happy endorphins in your brain. It might just be making someone a cup of coffee or helping an older person carry their shopping, a good turn to others is a good turn for yourself.

Leave work at work

In occupational health we talk a lot about work life balance. The evening review, in the mindfulness toolkit, (free on the site) stops the negative issues of work spilling over into home life. End you work day positively and leave the stress of work at work.

Get physical 

If you raise your heart rate for as little as twenty minutes your brain will respond by releasing a wave of happy hormones. It doesn’t need to be a gym, a short run or a brisk walk will do the trick. It will also keep your musculoskeletal and cardiovascular systems in order.

 

Animal love

Not for everyone but having a pet, usually a cat or a dog is a fabulous way to reduce anxiety and stress. Having another being to look after can create a meaningful sense of purpose and help with depression. The act of stroking or petting can reduce blood pressure and calm your system and the added need to walk your dog can help with your physical exercise as well.

Nobody wants anything and nobody needs anything

Taking time out just for you. Sometime that is all about you. What you need and what you want to do. It could be a hobby, could be a Zumba class or a bath with candles and music. When did you last do something just for you?

Stress is in the eye of the beholder

The psychological concept is that “thoughts become things”, “the things that you think about you bring about” means that what you focus on will get ever bigger in your conscious awareness, “what you feed grows and what you starve dies”. In neuropsychology we know that for most of us the ability to be happy or depressed, stressed or relaxed, anxious or calm, is a choice. We choose what we focus on every moment of everyday. If we feed good thoughts we have good experiences and if we feed bad thoughts we have negative experiences. It is our choice.

Make your choices today ones of calm relaxed happiness.

Take care

Sean x

Dictators and Psychopaths

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I wanted to cover this topic as this weeks podcast and blog because I am worried about the state of things. Over the days as we record this and it goes out on the internet a variety of things will have taken place in the UK parliament. It maybe that the government is defeated and that we are heading for a general election. It could be that Boris Johnson forces through his no deal Brexit and that we crash out of the EU. Or it could be the start of severe civil unrest that could ultimately lead to an active or a covert civil war. I am not being dramatic in my observations. 

We are in a situation where the government is prepared to, and plans to, suspend parliament so that they can force through their intentions without opposition or debate. Now, call me old fashioned but, when I was a kid this was called a dictatorship and is a gross dereliction of the democratic process. Any other dictatorial government, anywhere in the world, that had dared to do such a thing would have been descried from the roof tops and exposed as pariahs and cheats. Hey, guess what?, we are now one of those countries currently governed by the non elected Dictator Johnson.

This is a quote from my resource for this  weeks podcast.

In many established democracies, the descent towards dictatorship is becoming a real threat. In this light, we need to consider two urgent questions: Can dictators in the making be “cured”? And can we prevent dictators from assuming power?  

I’m afraid that the response to the first question is: “not likely”. Historical experience has proven otherwise. From a clinical perspective, most psychotherapists believe that dictators (with their psychopathic traits) tend to be untreatable. Thus, many opposing powers are needed to address the second question on how to prevent their ascension.

Prevention is better than cure, so we need to recognise potential dictators before they stealthily compromise and destroy our lives. Once they are in power, it is often too late.

Read more

We have often mentioned the issue of psycho-pathology and socio-pathology in previous episodes. The pathology bit means someone who acts without insight or empathy. These people would also often be narcissistic and sometimes borderline personalities. In simple short hand psychopaths are born like it and have a certain type of brain structure and genome that make it virtually impossible for them to change. A sociopath is someone who has learned to act like that, often due to their underlying narcissism, abuse and unresolved inner conflicts. Sociopaths can change, though it takes a lot of emotional and practical resources for this to happen.

In our current situation globally we are in the grip of the successful psychopaths such as Johnson, Trump, Putin, Kim Jong and so on. This is not dissimilar to the set up before the Second World War where there was Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Chiang Kai-shek, Hirohito and so on. These dictators with their narcissistic intolerance, ignorance and xenophobia created the inevitability of the Second World War in which it is estimated that 85 million people died.   

Is the same thing about to happen all over again?

I come back to my life time mantra…

If we all look after each other we will all be okay.

We seem to be someway away from that right now. 

The Earth and Mother Nature is being assailed from many directions at this time. There is climate change, global warming, rising see levels, increase carbon dioxide, burning forests, increased pollution, plastics interfering with the ecosystems, super drug resistant bugs, over population of human beings. There is a tipping point where it, where we, become unsustainable. I suspect that that point is a lot closer than we think.

So, stay aware over the next few weeks. The world of the Brits, and as a consequence the rest of the world, could change dramatically. Let us hope that it is for the better!

Take care 

Sean x

Do You Need A Life Plan

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I have just been reviewing and editing my new book, that will be published next year. “Out Of The Blue”. I was going over the part about free will. It seem very relevant that I am now writing this blog. One of the big issues that I deal with in the consulting room is the ‘what shall I do with my life?’, question. Or the same things from the other way around is ‘why does this always happen to me?’ This raises the issue of is life predetermined or is it something that we create? Are we the victim of circumstances or the author of our own fate.

I live in a world that takes into account neuroplasticity but also psycho-spiritual-plasticity. I think that we all, at any age and at any time, have the ability and the capacity to change, grow and develop. I do not believe that life is predetermined. I know that we have choice. These choices effect us all. We may be on a path of learning that can make it feel that it is predetermined but unless we are aware and awake we will miss the opportunities and the lessons that are presented to us. In a very real sense it is never what happens it us that is important it is how we respond to what happens to us that counts.

Right now planet Earth is in crisis, that is a crisis of our own making. It may be that our ecological mismanagement catches up with us, it maybe that we plunge into another world war or die from pollution and lack of oxygen. If we wake a little and use the other option of choice we might just choose piece and act in ways that reverse the adverse pollution that we have inflicted on the planet. This would suggest that I do not see life as predetermined but I do us as the authors that do have choices.

If life is not predetermined it would also suggest that to have an aim or a direction might be a good thing that can take us nearer to where we want to be because we are enacting our choice. So from my point of view a plan of action is a good thing. The problem is that most people do not know what it is that they want or need to do. So I have suggestions as to how we might discover what that is.

The first is the classic of projecting forward to your hundredth birthday, there is a reception and someone is calling assembled throng to silence because they want to say a few words about you and your life. What would you like them to be saying? If you were to write that speech right now it might give you some pointers as to what you need to do with your life to fill in the space between now and then. This is your plan.

The second is to honestly look ate your life and the lives of those around you, maybe check the media and do some googling. What things that observe catch your attention? What things do or would make you feel good if you did them? There is a seed of a plan here. If you do things that make you feel good you will live a happy life that will take you towards your own fulfilment.

The third is to meditate. We can spend so much time asking the question of what should we do that we never shut up long enough to hear the answer to the question. When we are quiet in meditation we may begin within a question. If we are then quiet and listen the answer can come to us ‘out of the Blue’ so to speak. This can be the beginning of the plan.

Over all planning things that make you feel happy leads to a happy life. This is the enactment of choice. Being a victim of circumstances does lead to happiness.

Take care and plan well

Sean x

Why Do We Fall for Populists?

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OMG it has actually happened. I thought that somewhere along the line people would wake up and reject this idea. May has departed and BOJO has arrived and amazingly Trumpy says that BOJO is the British Trump and that we all love him….help….!!!!

Somebody once said something like, ‘those that want to be leaders should never be allowed to do so’. This was something that I didn’t really understand until I began working with managers. Oh my, there are some awful managers out there and many of them are supposed to be looking after our health and our wellbeing. I now feel that those that want to be leaders should be automatically banned immediately from applying. 

There is a part of me that feels we should just stop talking about Brexit, after all what is the point?  There is also the part of me that is both intrigued and annoyed with it all. I am appalled at what a total mess our leaders have made of the whole Brexit business from Cameron onwards. We have had disaster after disaster. May seemed so weak. Corbyn on the opposite bench has just been avoidant. Now we are in such a sad state and we now have yet another leader and we still haven’t resolved Brexit.  The big question will BOJO be able to do so?

I am very clear that I think Brexit is one of the stupidest things we could possibly do. I do not think that the EU is perfect and I believe that it needs reforming and developing. However the idea of people coming together and working together makes total sense to me and fulfils the aims of the European project that is creating the peace and not yet another war.

As I watch the mad people take over the asylum we have Putin, BoJo, Trumpy and Kim. The egos of the world have come out to play. Trump has managed to get Iran stretching its muscle and Korea is wondering what to do next. The Chinese are at financial war with Trump and most of the Arab world has turned its back on Qatar. I could go on but I will climb off this hobby horse.

Okay, to me to looks like this, leaders by definition should be there to lead. With a big bit of hope and a good wind they may will lead us in a positive direction. The problem is that to be a positive leader you need to have insight and empathy. Around me I can not a see a single leader who has insight and empathy.

The spectrum of psychopathy begins with those around us who lack insight and empathy and are generally insensitive people and ends with murderers, mass murders and, sad to say, some politicians. For someone to say something or tweet something and then completely deny that they did, does not suggest a person with insight. To feel able to lie about the funds that would supposedly be freed from EU contributions and used to save the NHS does not suggest insight. And to be a socialist leader who has got splinters in their bottom because they are unable to get off the fence does not suggest insight.

I think that we are in the era of the successful psychopaths and they are now taking power. Because these psychopathic traits of insensitive leadership are gaining in popularity they are now on the rise. We find them in organisations and the public services at all levels of management and leadership. This draconian approach to social interaction and management moves clearly away from the socialist models that developed after the last war with the NHS and the welfare state. This all suggests to me that society, in the normal ebbs and flows of social change, is lurching to the right. When this happens it can so easily lead to fascism, nationalism and isolation. This is exactly where we were, in Europe, before the Second World War. After all that horror ended we thought that we had learned that lesson. It was then that we created the United Nations, and eventually the EU.

This is one of those times in the social cycle when we need a leader to appear. A real leader who has both insight and empathy and can truly represent the ideals of all humanity and not be stuck social or religious factionalism.

My favourite phrase of…

…if we all look a few each other we will all be okay… 

…is needed now, it is just that we need an inspirational leader to lead it!

Take care and be happy. 

Sean x

Happy Holidays

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Wow!, it is the summer. We generally are hoping that it is hot, but not too hot. 

In the colder climates of Northern Europe people are heading south to the sun. Topping up their vitamin D and replenishing their energy before the darkness and the cold of the winter to come. In the hotter humid climates of the Middle East people are heading north to cool down a bit. Turning their back on the sun and the humidity. I only realised recently that people from the Middle East suffer similar vitamin D deficiency to those people in Europe. In europe there is either not enough sun or people are smothering themselves in suntan lotion to avoid getting burned or developing skin cancer. In the Middle East it can be so hot and humid that people stay indoors in the pleasurable heat of the air conditioning and avoid going out in the open. The result in vitamin D loss is the same.

The adaptability of human beings is truly amazing. We have been able to make a life in the frozen wastes of the north and the sun scorched deserts of the equator. Yet, wherever we live we crave the difference of being somewhere else, to get away to take a holiday. Holidays come in two main types. There are those that need to simply get away from something, taking a break or chilling. Then there are those who need to be doing something and take the activity holiday. 

Whether your holiday is a ‘stop and chill’ or a ‘start and do’ event what is it that makes a holiday happy for you? 

I know so many people who have a tough time, living a tough life. They spend their entire year saving for the break or they just get their holiday on their plastic. Then they have to struggle through the airport with the kids screaming onto a three or four hour flight to the sun and the all inclusive break. The next ten days is spent by the pool semi piddled on the all inclusive booze, telling the kids off for disturbing them and arguing with their partners.

Well, maybe that sounds a little extreme but, do you realise that, the divorce season begins in September just after the holidays. For many, the pressure of being together for that long proves to be too much and the split follows. The same thing happens just after Christmas in the New Year. But, I digress.

What is your ideal holiday?

For me it is the Italian art of doing nothing and, the place that I prefer to do nothing is, of course, in Italy, “La Dolce Far Niente”. My life is intense and sometimes extreme when I travel for work the reality of being on the plane for a few hours is a welcome oasis of stillness in the everyday madness of life it is my dolce far niente. When I go on holiday that sense of nobody needs anything and nobody wants anything is magical. If I am honest I do not need to leave my house to do that. A chill day in the house can, for me, be a holiday. 

There are many people who do not know where their off button is so that everyday becomes a list of things to be achieved. Even the act of exercising becomes another task on the list to be ticked off. The art of being able to simple sit and be, “La Dolce Far Niente”, perhaps with a meal, as a couple, as a family, as a group of friends and to genuinely do nothing and genuinely feel that you allowed to do nothing is becoming a lost art. I see so many people in various organisation who have forgotten how to stop. Perhaps we should change the concept of ‘work hard play hard’ to…

Work hard, but know when to stop

We say that one person’s meat is another person’s poison. We could say that one person’s holiday is another person’s nightmare.

The one thing we do know is that when we take a break that is good for us and feeds our individual needs it has a positive effect on our system right down to the cellular level, reducing stress hormones, blood pressure, anxiety and so on. It is important that you take a break that will work well for you. But the most important is that you do take a break, that you give yourself the value of being important enough to look after.

Wherever you go and whatever you do this year be happy and enjoy it.

Take care

Sean x