Archive for year: 2023

The reality of Democracy 

The word democracy comes from the Greek words “demos”, meaning people, and “kratos” meaning power; so democracy can be thought of as…

 …The Power Of People

We can think of this as a way of governing which depends on… 

…The Will Of The People

In Britain we could say that it is…

…The Will Of The Majority Of The People 

So what does that mean for the minority? Every minority in any system is subject to the will of the majority of the people unless it is an enlightened society. This is as true for human beings as it is for a troop of monkeys or a herd of sheep. The majority will always hold sway unless the minority arm themselves and scare the crap out of the majority to get their own way. This appears in many human societies as terrorism, jihad, revolution etc. It can also materialise in smaller groups as protesters and demonstrators. These may be an affront to the majority who will do their best to suppress them to maintain their position.

One of the most obvious domination by a minority was when the Nazis in Germany, which was a minority, took control of the majority and then attempted to take over the entire world. Although the majority was very powerful it took then six years of the Second World War to finally defeat the minority. There are lots of parallels in many countries where similar things have taken place.

It seems that we now have a majority that are mistreating the planet in terms of pollution and exhaustion of resources. The minority are taking to the streets to protest about oil, fossil fuels and the animal abuse in farming etc. 

In a democracy, through the ballot box, we assume that the will of the majority of people will be enacted in their best interest. Is this so? There have been many cases when the best interests of our representatives and/or big business have dominated the majority point of view. 

When we, as a country, chose to join the EU the majority voted for it. Then we have a section of society that begins as a minority who are able to use the tricks of the trade in persuasion through social media, general media, advertising etc to change the minds of the majority and dominate them and then the vote is to leave the EU.

It would seem that we are in external conflict between vested self interest, the needs of the individual, the power of the majority and the striving of the minority to be heard. These things are something that you would assume that democracy was meant to overcome. Yet here we are in the thick of it.

Just as an aside, I wonder how many Russian people were, or are, actually in favour of being at war with Ukraine. Was this an act by the powerful minority in power, not dissimilar to the Nazis, to vilify an entire population to justify their act of going to war? 

I have seen the same power politics in many of the organisations that I have covered over the years. I certainly saw it in the NHS and I see it on a regular basis in families.

There seems to be a dilemma how can we ensure that we are all heard that a fairness pervades in the way that we do out business politically, economically and socially? I keep saying it but…

…If we all ,look after each other we will all be okay

The problem as I see it is that whereas in the past descent was expressed through bows and arrows and throwing stones now we have weapons of mass destruction and the ability to destroy each others systems at a cyber level. We are probably more vulnerable now than we have ever been. 

It is real that one wrong move from a egotistical individual or group could destroy or severely damage life on this planet and even bring it to an end.

We have an interesting time ahead when it will be down to those that are awake enough to assist our brothers and sisters who remain deep asleep into the light of increased awareness and then hopefully we will all survive.

This is what would happen as we made the move from the age of Pisces to the age of Aquarius. Fingers crossed. We all need to stay positive and do as much as we can to assist each other or the next thing will be AI taking over….

Hey Ho!

Sean x

Occurs when an individual struggles with leaving a religious set of beliefs that has led to their indoctrination. (Could be any set of beliefs, does not have to be religious).

The problem comes about when the person attempts to leave a group or develops a set of ideas or beliefs that are different or desperate from the group. This occurs in any system built around control. It could a religions, a philosophy, a political party, or even a family. Often there is a controlling figure that could be the party leader, a parent or a religious leader. Many leaders, in any situation, often develop Guru-itis and believe in their own wonderment and special-ness. This happens in most cults.

My God Is Better Than Your God

In the world of religion beliefs will often clash together. In Christianity it was taboo for inter marriages between Protestants and Catholics or between Jews and Gentiles. In most cases one person will have to abandon their beliefs and take on the beliefs of their partner for the situation to work. It can be the same in any company or organisation that has two unions that seek to represent the entire workforce. In national situations it’s might be between two nationalities coming together. In the Second World War many women fell in love and decided to marry a German Soldier, the enemy, and were then exclused from their own families.

The same is true of interracial marriages. It is now more common to see mixed race families though in many cultures it is seen as wrong and in some cultures it is not allowed at all.

It is easy to see that the induction into religious groups is a form of shared hypnosis yet we are all hypnotised by the beliefs that we grew up with and unless something occurs to make us question and re-evaluate them they will guide our entire life. Mor importantly we are likely to look down on anyone who decides to move away from our beliefs and change their lives.

Our group is seen as right and important. We have the truth which is often seen as the only truth. We are ‘us’ and anyone outside of our group is one of ‘them’. If ‘we’ are exclusive the ‘we’ will have nothing to do with ‘them’.

The whole of humanity, some would say the whole of creation, is one whole. In that sense we are all one and there is no ‘them’. However, humanity has man aged to breakdown into ever smaller groups to that now there are lots of ‘us’ and ‘them’.

If human being are to grow or even survive it will be because we have come together and become an entire us so that we learn to look after each other.

If We All Look After Each Other We Will All Be Okay!

Take care, be happy and help those around you

Sean x

This week our son got married. It was a deeply powerful ceremony packed with meaning and emotion. He and his partner made a life long commitment to be together, to look after each other and to remain honest and true to each other. They exchanged rings symbolically expressing the commitment they had just entered into. In their coming together there was the greater union of two entire families coming together. It was as though the two tribes, with their individual identities had, or were in the process of, becoming one.

It can be easy to assume that relationships are all the same. That all relationships are just like our own. Yet every relationship is different and individual. How would you describe your relationship?

I know from working psychologically and therapeutically with many couples that often what people have and what people want or desire can be a very different thing. I detect that the social norms that have underpinned our society maybe on the move or at least being questioned and challenged.

My son and his partner have made an agreement to be exclusive to each other as a part of our society that generally has settled on a model of monogamy as our social norm. Though most research suggests that a high percentage of people, perhaps as high as 60%, do have affairs though these are, in the main, hidden.

Where did monogamy come from?
‘Gamy’ comes from the Greek gamous meaning marriage. Monogamous means one marriage. In modern terms this would mean one partner. Monogamy in modern relationships also means to be faithful to that one partner. Which in turn means not to have sexual relationships or to be intimate with other people out side of the monogamous relationship.

Monogamy probably has it’s roots in the Abrahamic religions and was probably a socio-economic structure that enabled social organisation and often control. Monogamy, as a social structure, creates social organisation and the development of laws, property rites and inheritance and therefore has a financial element. Once there is a firm social structure the lineage of a family can be traced back to prehistory following either the maternal or paternal line. The fact that we know in the UK who the next monarch will be is because there is a rule of law and a succession of family rites. However, all of the laws based in property and people all have their origin in the monogamous structure of society.

Serial Monogamy is when someone is faithful to an individual relationships while they are in it yet they may choose to end a relationship and begin another one which they will also be faithful to. In our society the I ssues of separation and divorce have raised another whole set of laws and rules to deal with changing rites of all those involved. It is probable that without monogamy and the subsequent social structure there would be no need for solicitors, lawyers and many of our courts.

Polygamy is a marriage with more than one person. Poly being the Greek word for ‘many’. Across the world polygamy is usually one man with several female wives. It is rare to find one woman with several husbands. John Smith of the Mormon faith reputedly had up to 40 wives. In Islam, under both Shia and Sunni law, a man can have up to four wives. A woman having more than one husband is not allowed.

Polyamory, which is described as ‘consensual’ is to have loving, and often sexual relationships, with several people at the same time. This does not mean acting sexually all at once but is having more than one ongoing relationship. In many Polyamorous relationships the various participants my never all meet. However, what occurs is all open and transparent so that all those involved understand what is happening. Those practising polyamory are often in one main relationship and have other relationships within, or around this.

Throuples
The throuple has three participants whereas a couple has two. Again all the throuples that I have known are one man and two women I not yet come across one woman wit two men.

Open relationship is when members of a main relationship have sexual relationships with other people though it may not have the same transparency as in a clearly polyamorous relationship or a throuple. However it may include sex between three people all at the same time often described as troilism. Some throuples will be troilist. Or in the extreme case in the open relationship there maybe multiple people involved, up to as many as are in an orgy.

Most animal species are polygamous excepting birds who often mate for life. As birds are directly descended from dinosaurs it may be that they were also monogamous and mated for life with the same partner.

Marriage
Throughput human evolution the commitment of couples has been both a social and political function that has held the fabric of society together. Of then the joining of two people would join two groups of people as one. Feuding families came to peace by joining together. Land disputes and empires were often resolved and built on through mutually beneficial marriages.

Monogamy and reality
Research results vary a little but they indicate that fifty to sixty over cent of people are unfaithful at sometime in their marriage or main relationship. Some genome/ DNA research suggests that up to 30% of children may not belong to the father who is raising them as his own.

The selfish gene was described by Richard Dawkins as the need of the individual to carryon their own genetic line and therefore taking any opportunity on offer to reproduce. As we know that continuous breeding within a population, known as inbreeding, leads to a dilution of the available gene pool that can results in various genetic mutations. This happens in closed communities who for cultural or religious reason only allow for breeding with the limited group. As the strength of a species is dependent on cross fertilisation it would suggest that the selfish gene idea would support what we do know about the process of evolution. We can see in the breeding of dogs that the mongrel is stronger with higher immunity than the thorough bred.

Single sex relationships
Society is more accepting of single sex relationships that, between two men, were illegal only a few years ago. Many churches will now perform single sex marriages and give them the church’s blessing.

Non Binary
To identify as non binary, neither make nor female, gives rise to whole new set of relationships that may manifest as straight, homosexual, lesbian or bisexual. Whatever we call it and however we sexually identify in most cases the relationships remain the joining of two people into a committed relationship. We must also acknowledge that the various forms of more open relationships are faithful to the mutual agreement made between the various participants.

Living alone in a committed relationship
I guess that in looking at relationships we need to also shout our for the singletons. I am aware that there is growing trend for people who do not want to be married but do want to be in a faithful, monogamous relationship with another person who they do not live with. These people, usually termed singletons, maintain their serious ongoing relationship with a permanent partner but choose to have their own house, accommodation or space. As a committed couple they may spend time together in each other’s houses but also choose to be alone in their own place. Also, singletons can, and often do, have children that they parent between them.
Celibacy
If are to take into account the whole gamut of relationships, many of which would have a sexual component, we should acknowledge the world of celibacy. The celibate is the person who chooses not to share themselves sexually with others. Celibates may have all kinds and varieties of relationships with all kinds of people. However they have, at some point, decided that these relationships will be non sexual and platonic. A platonic relationship is purely spiritual and not physical. The celibate person may have a sexual relationship but it would be considered as ‘sex for one’ that does involve orgasmic experiences but alone.

I guess there are many other sorts of relationships that could be added to this lists such as cyber sex and Teledildonics. The issues is that what every type of relationship you might engage in can mostly all be monogamous other than the poly relationships. Over all there is no rule and no book of words that will tell the right from the wrong. It will always come back to ‘does it work for you?’ As long as each person involved agrees to and is happily engaged in what takes place what is the problem?

So, however it works for you enjoy your life and enjoy your relationship and whoever you are with just be caring and be kind. That way we can all be happy.

Take care

Sean x

Have you noticed, when you look around, that there are some people who always seem to have good luck. They always win the lotto or win the competition on the TV. At the same time there are those that, whatever they do, never seem to get it right, they never win.

I hear people say “It is their Karma”. So what is karma or ‘What goes around come around’ or ‘Everyone gets theirs in the end’. For me the concept of Karma is that of the consequences of our action. Karma acknowledges that the things that we do have an effect, this is the consequence. Attached to that is our responsibility for what we do and the effect that it has. 

Often karma is mistaken as a law of retribution. But like most laws in the universe karma is neutral it is not concerned whether or not the effects of what we do lead to good things or bad things. Just like gravity, which has a universal effect on all things, karma is always in operation. It is true that if we treat other well then the likelihood is that they will treat us well in turn, this is good karma. If we are treated badly it may be because we have treated others badly, this is bad karma.

So where does luck come into this. It is true that some people do have more success in life while others have more failure. Often this is to do with their attitude and responses. To hear a patient say…

…’you know what? Cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me’…

…is a bit of a shock to hear. However the person who said it was describing how the and the process of their experience had change the way that they looked at their life and the changes made their life so much better.

Gratitude, experience and luck.

The Law Of Attraction, see The Secret, explains that we each have a magnetic effect on the universe of physical, meant and emotional energies. It is saying that we get or experience what we expect to happen. the Secrete suggest that if each night we make entires into a gratitude journal recording all the positive things that happened today we will tune our mind into the positive so that we see more and more positive events around us.

But we have choice. We can focus on the negative to allow to grow or we let the negativity of others to flow by us so that we do not become attached to it. This is letting go of emotional negative attachments. It is the forgiveness that I describe in step one of the Live In The Present book. We have a choice as to whether or not we become involved in other people’s negative karma’s. In this way we are responsible for how we feel bout all that happens to us, even the most horrible and dreadful things.

When  things happen to us rather than seeing them as hurtful or bad things, perhaps we should just view these things as neutral. Or might even see them as useful things from which we might grow.

We don’t have problems we have learning opportunities

Often, when I work with people who are in difficult circumstances, the therapy is about them realising their own responsibility that they have for their situation. Many of us want to blame others for how we are. It will always be true that the things that we experience will have an effect on us, but we do have a responsibility as to what that effect is.

We are never effected by events, it is our response to those events that is the effect

Because of this we are intimately tied up in our own karma and can never really blame others for how we feel or for what has happened. However we can choose to get our own back, get involved in retribution and vendetta. By doing this we feed and build our negative attachments or karmas.

What you feed grows and what you starve dies

We are all the sum total of the habits that we have accumulated since our birth. This is our karma and magically we can change it in the blink of an eye by changing our habits and our responses.

Perhaps you should experiment with this concept of luck just as in the law of attraction in your gratitude journal. The practice is to be grateful for having achieved what ever it is that you want. Let’s say you want to win the lotto. You should not write in your journal ‘I am so happy and grateful now that I will win the Lotto on Saturday’. You should write ‘I am so happy and glad that I won the Lotto on Saturday, thank you, thank you. The point of the law of attraction is that the energy of the universe will respond to the underlying message. So that if I say ‘I will’ I am stating that I have not got it and if I say ‘I have’ than I am confirming to universe that is is mine to have.

Some people that I know have tried using the Law of Attraction and had no results whilst other have had amazing success. 

I suspect that the Law does work. Often the energies in us that it is responding to may be our true inner feelings and not what we are just saying or writing. However all the evidence it that when we repeat something for long enough our thought and feeling will change. For example if I say ‘I love and approve of myself’ even if I don’t, if I say it enough times for long enough I will become it. Just as a child who is continually told that they are a useless idiot will eventually take it on board and become it.

My advice would be to get a gratitude journal and play with what you or what you want to be and see if you can attract it to yourself.

Take care, be happy and let go

Sean x