Archive for year: 2019

There is something that is quite magic and something that we Brits hardly ever do, it is what the Italians call ‘The art of doing nothing’ or ‘La Dolce Far Niente’ literally translated as “the sweetness of doing nothing”.  

“I learned about this concept while watching Elizabeth Gilbert’s masterpiece- Eat, Pray, Love, the other day. The scene is set in a barbershop in Rome. Julia and her new found friend are scarfing down napoleon’s while the men of Italy are educating them on the ways of the Italian.

As one of the male characters begins his diatribe about how Americans’ ideas of “relaxing,” are working themselves to the bone all week just so they can lay around in their pyjamas on weekends, drink six packs of miller light, and watch other people live their lives on TV- he presents to the audience the concept of la dolce far niente, or the sweetness of doing nothing.”   

 

Now, I spend my entire life doing things. It is the joke about I have given up being a human being in favour of becoming a human doing. I work silly hours, my choice, but when I stop working there is always a list of things that need to be done. If I ever get to the point where the list has been completed then out comes another set of things that need to be done.

The only real time that I ever get to stop is when we go away so that there is nothing that can really be done. A few weeks ago we went away to the Cotswolds, a lovely place, and we actually managed to stop, I mean really stop. We actually spent an afternoon in front of the fire, it was not lit as it was too hot, and we read books. Now I am not sure if reading counts as doing nothing, I guess that it is doing something but to my busy brain it is as good as doing nothing.

I meditate and in meditation, which is really quite an active process, we do stop the external stimulus and enjoy the half hour or the hour when ‘nobody wants anything and nobody needs anything’. In most people’s lives even these small amounts of time might appear to be too much to ask for. When you are raising kids and doing hectic jobs it can often feel that the idea of simply being is a long way off.

We can become our own worst enemy. Often it can feel like everyone wants something and that we are unable to simply say ‘no’. How often do we get to end of a weekend and realise that we have been busy, busy, busy for other people. Where are those long sunny afternoons spent siting in the garden, in the sun, just kicking back and enjoying the art of just being? Listening to the birds, or the sea, the wind, to even the kids playing.

The funny thing is the more things that we have, the more that we posses then the more we are required to look after it. I have owned several big houses. In the beginning it feels that the house was there for us. Then it becomes more that we are there for the house. It needs forever painting and repairing. I had one house with an acre of lawns. Great to look at but a pain to cut. In the summer the cutting was once a week. These days we live more modestly – praise the Lord – but there is still that never ending list of chores to be done and people to be seen, functions to attend and problems to be solved.

In life there will always be things that need to be done and some of these cannot be put off and will require our immediate attention. But as my wise old mother once said ‘you are a long time dead’. We need to enjoy the journey so that we can arrive at life’s end with a smile on our face. No one ever gets a prize fo being the person in the grave yard who did the most work or completed the most jobs.

So, if you can, in these summer months try to kick back a bit. Learn once again to be still and enjoy the moment. The art of simply being is the mindful art of living in the present. Or, the art of doing nothing’ or ‘La Dolce Far Niente’  –  “the sweetness of doing nothing”.  

Be happy (not do happy)

Sean x

By virtue of what I do I meet lots of people who are very emotional. This is both men and women, though in my experience women find it a lot easier than the men. In therapy men often found it easier to work with a female therapist so that they do not feel so bad if the get emotional, our cry. Somewhere along the line we decided that men should be tough and it was okay for women to be vulnerable. We can come with a lot of evolutionary reason as to why that might be, but the reality in the present is that we all need to be able to express our feelings to be emotionally healthy.

We measure cardiovascular fitness by measuring how long it takes for your system to return to normal after you heart has topped out at in maximum beat rate. Our emotional health can be seen in the same way. How long does it take for us to return to normal after our emotions have spiked? In both cases the quicker that we can return our system to normal then the healthier we are.

We also know that once human kind left the African plains and headed north that they traded emotion for logic in order to survive the harsh weather and long winters. There is no room for error when you are in the cold because you simply die and that is the end of it.

Emotion is a powerful thing that enable us to drive forward and achieve what we need and want both individually and as a species. However emotion with out logic is senseless energy and can be destructive, just look at plastic, a great idea where no one thought about the consequences. Emotions are a normal part of the human system and should be seen as important as the heart or the brain. Without emotion we would be dead, we would not exist.

Neuroscience is clear that if we hold onto emotion and fail to express it as we need to then we become ill. trapped and unexpressed negative emotion creates psychosomatic illness primarily in the heart, lungs and gut but generally through out our organs and especially in the muscular skeletal system. More working days are lost through a bad back than anything else though this tension may be confused with anxiety or depression, it is the muscular tension that is the problem.

I want to focus on tears. We have made immense strides in understanding what tears are and how important they are to us. My resource on the podcast is a link to a site that shows the microscopic images of different tears and shows quite clearly that tears are different. The constituents in tears of joy, sadness, anger, grief, laughter and so on are all different.

What is emerging is that the human brain, unlike other animals, developed to extend the abilities and organs of the higher cortex, we call this intelligence. We also seem to be the only animals on the planet that cry. Or, perhaps we should say, need to cry. Why is this?

It seems that the human brain produces hormones and endorphins that are useful when required but when over produced need to be excreted because they can become harmful. The way that we normally excrete them is in our tears when we cry. We now know that when we hold our tears in the resultant stress on the vagus nerve that runs from the mid brain lambic system down through the body negatively stimulates the heart and other organs and we have a stress or ‘fight and flight’ response. When we cry the pressure comes of the vagus nerve and the stress response dies down.

I suspect that there is a strong correlation between the longevity of both men and women and their ability to cry. I suspect that because men cry less their body systems tend to be under more self imposed hormonal stress than the bodies of women.

However you look at it neuropsychology is clear that we need to cry more and not hold our emotions in. When we do this we, let our emotions go, we create greater emotional fitness.

Take care, be happy and if you are not feel free to cry about it

Sean x

This week we looked at status and what it means. To have status implies that we are standing out from the rest, that we are seen as different or more than other people, we are special. I assume that the need to feel special would mean that we do not feel special in the first place. Perhaps in a world were there was no status we would all feel equal and in that case we could all then be special.

Status, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. When Ed and I discussed this he pointed out that he had an old bicycle that has little status. I pointed out that in a community that has re-cycling at its heart his bike would be seen as having great status where as my new electric bike might have low status in the same community and simply seen as an unnecessary indulgence.

Our view of status will depend on how we see ourself and the world from an emotional and psychological point of view.

Physical Status…

… is in the body. We might see this as slimness or thinness almost to anorexia. Or it might be the amounts of muscle that we build so that we are hunky, Shapley or sexy. A stage of this physical status will be in the gym or at a sporting event, it may even be in porn and perceived sexual prowess. 

Social Status…

…is to be a part of the crowd but also to be more than the crowd. To belong to the social group. We will need to wear the right clothes, attend the right functions and venues and to know and be known by, the right people. It might be seen in how many friends that we have either in real life or on social media. Our followers may become a tribe and we can take on the role as influencer. This world will also include many celebrities as social icons. Status in this world is keeping up. This is the merchandisers dream as people forever want new clothes, and decor and to be seen to be in fashion.

Intellectual Status…

…is to be seen as intelligent, witty and clever. This may be in life your career, in academia or a quiz game. To have travelled and have had many experiences. To be knowledgeable and come out with obscure facts and idea. The ability to see things and express things in new and novel ways in art music and theatre. The ability to express as a lecturer, author or pundit.

Emotional Status… 

…is the ego’s ego. Look at me, how good am I? Who was the sexiest person in here before I came in? Financial, recognition and power all go together in this type of status. Everything is big and bigger than anyone else. Dubai creates the Palm so Qatar creates the Pearl. Both Trump and Farage are status icons of power and recognition. Along with politicians go stars and celebrities. Over all is the need to be famous and to be famous requires that we have recognition. I need you to know who I am. The word I me and my trip easily off the tongue. Possession declare emotional status, the more expensive the better.

Hierarchical Status…

 …is in the system of titles and position. The lowest status that you can have is simply Mr or Mrs. With other tiles comes greater status, teacher, manager, director, chief executive, chairman, Sargent, Captain, General, OBE, Sir, Doctor, Professor, Lord, Lady, Duke, Duchess, Earl, The Right Honourable, the list goes on. For some the top will be King, Queen or Emperor. Other will have the Pope or Archbishop, Imam, Rabbi, Guru and so on

Titles in this world bestow position and with the position comes status.

Spiritual Status…

…is different to the previous examples and is often tied up with the belief of the rightness of faith and religion. It may be seen as  ‘my guru is better than your guru’ or ‘my God is better then your God’. Individual spiritual status might be that I am holier than you or more enlightened than you. I might be that I am nearer to the truth than you. Often the status of the spiritual group is in the belief that this is the way and the only way, the one path that is the true path, the only one to be followed.

Creative Status…

…is in genuine newness and creativity. Inventors, scientists, artists, composers and all creators such as Ford, Bell, Einstein, Dickens, Raphael, Faraday, Spinoza, Michelangelo, Erasmus, Descartes, Galileo, Newton, Leonardo Da Vinci, Goethe, John Lennon, Telford, Dyson, Tesla, Chopin, Freud, etc, etc, etc. The list becomes endless and grows all the time. 

Icons

Once someone has status they easily become icons for their followers or believers and people can still be talking about their ideas thousands of years after they died. It is also important to say something about negative status. In this blog and in the podcast we tended to focus on positive status however we should also acknowledge that people also have negative status as negative icons. Though, as I said status is in the eyes of the beholder. Characters such as Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and Isis are examples of people who have had status for their followers though the remainder of society may not see them that way.

My suggestion to you is that you consider who or what is a status icon for you and then ask yourself why? For me I hold people like Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela in high esteem for me they have iconic status.

Take care

Sean x

 

Are you loyal?

What do you mean when you use the word loyalty?

Is loyalty the same as honesty and integrity?

This week on the show we had Alison Blackler who is both a coach and a therapist and as today, May 1^st, is National Loyalty Day in the USA we decided to dive in and have a look at it.

The idea that this is described as loyalty day interests me greatly because many of us, and perhaps you included, will know May 1^st as Labour Day. This was a socialist celebration of the workers when people would celebrate and have a party and sing ‘The Red Flag’, the socialist anthem.

In the 1920’s America had a severe reaction to socialism and communism. They talked about ‘Reds in the bed’ and how the communist revolution would sweep across the world.  The USA created a capitalist reaction to socialism and they renamed the day loyalty day so that Americans could show their loyalty and allegiance to the flag, the Stars and Stripes, and to the capitalist philosophy of the ‘free world’ while at the same time denigrating socialism and the Red Flag. The same thing happened again in the 1940s…

McCarthyism is the practice of making accusations of subversion or treason without proper regard for evidence. The term refers to U.S. senator Joseph McCarthy (R-Wisconsin) and has its origins in the period in the United States known as the Second Red Scare, lasting from the late 1940s through the 1950s.

McCarthyism – Wikipedia

Many famous people, actors and artists, writers and academics, had their lives ruined by the McCarthy witch hunts.

The strange thing about loyalty is that both sides believe that they are right and the participants are committed and faithful to their own point of view.

I know that in the First World War, prior to a battle, both sides would hold a religious service and offer up prayers on the basis that both had a loyal faith that God was on their side. God was either on one side or the other, or neither, who knows? The participants were all loyal to the faith.

As I type this we are coming to terms with the recent Isis bombings in Sri Lanka. I assume that the Christians in the Churches had a loyal faith to their religion. I also assume that the followers of Isis also had a loyal faith to their religion and to their belief.

The problem, as I see it is that loyalty is always in the eye of the beholder and because of that we all mean different things when we declare our loyalty. the most common declared loyalty is in relationships and marriage, we call it love. However, we all mean different things when we use the word. If I say that I love and you reply that you love me too, how do we know that we both mean the same thing?

Loyalty, in general use, is a devotion and faithfulness to a nation, cause, philosophy, country, group, or person. Philosophers disagree on what can be an object of loyalty, as some argue that loyalty is strictly interpersonal and only another human being can be the object of loyalty.

(Wikipedia)

The more I think about it the more I feel that loyalty, for most people, is concerned with self interest. By that I do not mean self loyalty, which is sadly lacking and is much needed. I am talking about the associations and attachments that we make that are only as strong as what we need them to be at that moment. I have seen too many people change sides, leave causes and relationships after they decided that their loyalties will be better served elsewhere.

In the end the realisation is that we can only rely on other people for as along as we meet their needs so that loyalty is, in most cases, only skin deep.

Take care and be loyal to yourself

Sean x

Why do people change? Or, perhaps, more importantly, why don’t people change? When we look at some behaviours, when we look at the suffering that others go through we often wonder, ‘why do they put up with that?’

We could say that the only thing that we can be certain of in life is that all things change, that nothing ever stays the same. The strangest thing is that everything changes all the time. Everyday we get older, everyday the world changes physically and politically. Change always has been and always will be with us. Yet, we have an immense need for things to remain the same and we will go out of our way to ensure that they do.

Better the Devil you know

However the desire to change has to come from somewhere, change is like time, our experience of it depends on the point from which we view it. We could say that one of our biggest problems is that we have to deal with the stress of change often when are forced to undergo it. We might even think that change is a fabulous stimulant and that we all need more of it, that lack of change creates boredom that paralysis the brain. Or, perhaps we might crave to maintain the status quo and the stability of a fixed system, universe or society, where we all know where we stand, where life is predictable and there are no surprises.

Change is a strange and challenging thing that most us seem to resist to the point where we will do our best to avoid it and even put up with the most horrible of situations because we do not want to face change. Our language is full of phrases designed to stop us changing…

…A leopard can’t change it’s spots

An old dog can’t learn new tricks

Out of the frying pan and into the fire

Don’t throw away dirty water until you have clean…

The list is endless. Yet change will be forever with us. Our job is to accept it and go with it but not give in to it. 

Physical change

We know that out entire body is always changing. Every seven years we renew all the cells in our body, so that, every seven years our body is completely new. Some parts of our body are changing much quicker. The receptors in our eyes that interpret what we see and send messages to the brain function through the rods and cones of the retina as the pigments and chemical respond to the light. Many times a second the receptors are activated and then reactivated as we track the moving objects around us. The body is a good indicator of change.

There is a neat trick that we call ageing. Each cell has a string on it called a telomere. As each cell reproduces the telomere becomes shorter until in the end it runs out and the reproduction ceases. This is called getting old.

Social change

This happens generation on generation as values, beliefs, ideas and even fashions change from one generation to the next. As the social compass moves we find that behaviours unacceptable a generation ago are now common place. We might change laws so that, for example, homosexuality that a generation ago was illegal is now celebrated. Sometimes it is the reverse as we look in horror at the behaviour of previous generations. Slavery and bear baiting are now illegal. 

Intellectual change

This is driven by the intellectual thinkers. Often it is this intellectual part of human consciousness that is the precursor of social change. The intellect questions the existing order and continually asks ‘Why?’ It challenges conventions, laws and rules and demands that we look anew at who we are and what we are doing.

Emotional change

Emotional change is demanding, passionate and immediate “I want it all and I want it now”. It maybe the maternal drive that seeks to protect the family or the possessive drive that becomes attached to people and things. Change at this level is often acquisition, “I want more” and the more might be possessions, power, money or even people. Overall emotional change is about adapting the world so that ‘My’ needs are met be that driven by business of dictatorship.

Conceptual change

The key to conceptual change is that often it does not want to change at all. When it does change it happens slowly, sometimes very slowly. It may be seen in eras or epochs. Here we are looking at dynasties, and systems of control that last for many years. The ruling Empires that peak and decay as the order changes. We now see the European Global Empires coming to a close as the era of European domination comes to an end. The new era will probably belong to the China, India and the Pacific Basin. In a couple of hundred years the common global language will probably have moved from English to be something like Cantonese or Mandarin.

Meaningful change

This is the sensitive realm of the intuition that drives conception or the way that we see things. A conceptual era is often driven by the understanding of spiritual philosophy. It is seen in terms of the question ‘why are we here?’ and ‘what is the meaning of life?’ These answers change and as we human beings change and, hopefully, evolve.

The Icons that change behaviour

Our leaders both spiritual and political are engaged in creating change. At any one time in any society there will be the icon figures that people look up to for inspiration and guidance. They may be dictators such as Hitler, scientists such as Einstein, spiritual leaders or social engineers.

The Christian Era that began two thousand years ago, that peaked at a point where virtually everyone in Europe attended Church services, it has now peaked and declined so that now less than 5% of the population of the UK regularly follow church services. It is thought that the values of the Christian traditions are now being superseded by Buddhist traditions with a rise in meditation and mindfulness, vegetarianism and veganism.

Personal Change

Beyond all that is you, your change. What do you need to do to get your life online so that it works well for you. Is it that you need to maintain your status quo or do you need to embrace change to stimulate you energy? The most important thing is to act with awareness. Maintain what serves you well and change what does not serve you well.

Positive change leads to positive results and negative change leads to negative outcomes.

We are in the throws of change. Brexit, climate change, the loss of the European empires, the rise of the Pacific Basin, the invention of computers and the rise of AI (artificial intelligence), the ending of the combustion engine and the rise of electro power, the ending of animal based farm production in favour of plant based diets, the diminishing dominance of male consciousness and the rise of the female… All these thing are happening or will shortly be happening. The one thing that we can be sure of is change. When change stops the universe will no longer exists. Our choice is to either go with the change and enjoy this thing called life or resist change and become more stressed and unhappy.

Be happy and become the change that you would like to see in others.

Sean x