The consequence of action

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Life, it would seem, is consequential

In the East they call it Karma. Where I live they say ‘what goes around comes around’. Where I was born they would say ‘everybody gets their’s in the end’. In some societies they would say ‘there are no free lunches’ or ‘in the end all debts must be paid in full’. One of my favourites is ‘God pays debts without money’.

Each of the phrases, each of these concepts, suggests that we end up owing something. That in some way we create debt, spiritual, psychological, or emotional. I have known people who are anxiously repentant of any wrong they might have done in their desire not to carry any negative energy forward with them. I have also known those who have knowingly done bad things in the awareness that they would pay the debt later when they got around to it.

Whatever philosophy you use it comes down to the same thing. There is a consequence to every action that we take. It might be good or it might be bad. The point is that it has an effect. It seems that this law of consequence, like most other laws, is neutral. It makes no difference if the action is good or bad both will lead to a consequence.

If we take the karmic approach, as is taught in Ayurveda, we would say that karmas follow us beyond the grave into future incarnations or life times. In the Christian tradition there is the concept of heaven and hell as a consequence for our actions while we were alive. There are also some religions that believe that our life on Earth in consequential and that we are here because we deserve it. Some even believe that life on Earth is the living embodiment of hell.

In Karmic systems the consequences of an action will remain outstanding from one life time to the next until the debt is paid in full. When such a karma hangs over from a previous lifetime it is termed a ‘Samskar’ or is Samskaric. Samkars from the past may have a karmic consequence or influence in this current lifetime. So, a Samskar is a karma form a previous life time and a Karma would be considered the consequence of action in this life time.

The pain of Karma

In most forms of self development or spiritual work there is the idea of forgiveness and of letting go of any negative energy or attachment. We often mistake this concept to be for the benefit of the other person. Really it is for our benefit. As I often say, while you are lying in bed ruminating negatively on another person with as much negativity as you can muster it actually has no effect on them at all. The only person that we damage with our hatred or negativity is our self. This is the personal pain of holding negative karma.

Beginnings and endings

We should also consider the status of a karma. When something happens in life, positive or negative, perhaps we win the lotto or break a leg, we have no way of knowing if this is the beginning or ending of a karma. Is this event, in the present, the result of past actions or is it the beginning of new Karmas in the present.

Karmic dissolution

When I was younger and I was holding lots of negative anger about my family, particularly my father, my teacher suggested to me that I might like to dissolve my karmic attachments to these particular people and events. What he taught, was true for me then and is true for you now.

The only thing that holds a karma in place, be it positive or negative, is emotional energy. This energy is like glue. There are two ways to dissolve the glue. The first is working back through the problem, through many lifetimes, meeting the same people over and over again until we learn the lesson the hard way. The second way is through forgiveness that is quicker but is often tougher. The solvent that dissolves this glue of attachment is love and compassion as in…

Love your enemies

People will often get angry at this concept feeling that they want retribution. They want the other person to suffer so that they can see the pain and problems that they have caused. In many ways punishment is the negative way to maintain karmas and Samskars. The alternative to this would be love that can dissolve the attachment of karma.

In mindfulness we have a choice

Karma and Samskar are a function of mind that are played out when we are on autopilot. We are just doing what we do because that is what we do. It is only when we develop mindful awareness that we have choice, the choice to act Dharmically.

Dharma

Dharma is right action. To act Dharmically is to do the right thing. Dharma is the way that we act and Karma is the result of the way we act. When we act Daharmically and do the right thing we minimise negative Karma. Happiness and good Karma go together. Good Karma and Dharma go together.

Be happy, act Dharmically and enjoy your good Karma

Take care

Sean x

 

Suicide

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Today, as I write this, it is ‘International Mental Health Day’. Ed and I got talking on the podcast about suicide and mental health service provision in the UK. Sadly in the UK we closed most of the long stay psychiatric hospitals in favour of ‘care in the community’ services which failed badly. From my point of view the NHS and many UK governments have failed those that are in need of psychological medicine and support.

The statistics that hit me hardest are that globally every year 800,000 people commit suicide. In the UK suicide is the greatest cause of death in males under forty five and 20% of 14 years old girls in the UK are self harming. The cream on the cake is that the government have now appointed a minster to over see suicide prevention. My first thought is ‘that’s good’, the only country in the world to do such a thing. My second thought is ‘how awful is it that when we have so many suicides in the UK that we now have to have a government minister to over see the situation’. Something is fundamentally wrong here.

Ed and I discussed how men are often emotionally closed and not good about sharing their feelings when things are going wrong. It is certainly true that in most of the cases of male suicide that I deal with the family didn’t see it coming. Or, in retrospect they can see that the signs were building but they didn’t understand what was happening at the time.

I had a bit of time this morning and I was thinking about how suicide is a death that happens suddenly and immediately after a sudden action. We would see this as an action of intent. I have spoken in previous blogs about the difference between suicidal ideation and suicidal intent.

Then I got to thinking about suicide by life style. There have been many cases that I have dealt with over many years of people who have been on a slow yet apparently deliberate road to suicide. When I look at life style at an individual level but also at a national and international level I wonder how many of us are on a suicide mission. Historically there have been so many situations where people have known the dangers but continue to do things and behave in dangerous ways and use dangerous products.

Lead in paint, lead in petrol, asbestos in buildings, additives in food, bacon and cured meats, red meats generally, the hormones in milk, the pesticides that are killing the pollinating bees, our continual use of plastics and plastic related products, paints and finishes. The list could be endless but I feel I need to include the amount of time, human consciousness and money that is poured into bombs and other weaponry designed to end lives.

The countless life style clients that I see all the time and have done for many years. All the addicts, addicted to both legal and recreational drugs. The smoker who despite multiple amputations will not quit the habit. The drinkers who never give their system a rest. The diabetics who despite sight loss and limb loss maintain bad diets and never exercise. The motorcyclist who had to go ever faster round corners until eventually he came off and died, taking someone else with him. That list could be endless but what about…

…those people who chose to focus all their attention of negative experience never seeing the positives around them increasing their depression in increments until they had nothing left to live for. Those people who continually fear the future, never living in the present and becoming ever more anxious. Those people who can never stop and are workaholics both at work and at home. All of these people creating ever more stress, filling their systems with ever more stress hormone, hardening their arteries and heading for strokes, heart attacks and vascular dementia. Those people who chose to self medicate with carbohydrates as comfort food whose weight became unsustainable for their heart and their joints…

I guess that in the end it does not really matter if we are living a long or a short life, the issues is are we happy. Is it better to live a shorter life that is full of happiness or a long life that is full of misery?

When Ed and I were talking about this we were looking at what is the difference in modern society and the past. Well, we know that preindustrial and agricultural societies have much lower levels of all mental health issues, and we know that as countries start to industrialise, urbanise, mechanise and digitalise that levels of stress and lack of mental health increase.

I think this is all about family and community. When we lived in extended families there were people around for support, help and advice that had it’s own informal stress management function. In our bid for individual fulfilment and the culture of ‘I’, ‘Me’ ‘My’ and I must have now and sod you…has led to both social and family isolation.

We have forgotten the fact that we are animals, we are primates, that were designed to live in groups, to be caring, sharing and mutually supportive.

As someone said recently, “racism does not exists because there is only one race and that is the human race”. I keep saying it, but I believe it to be true,

‘if we all looked after each other, we would all be alright”

 And the thing that enables us to both realise it and do it is called ‘MIndfulness’.

Maybe in the end the only solution that we have to all of our mental health problems is in our own hands right now. If we were more mindful, more caring and more sharing I think we could crack it.

Stay happy, be lucky and be mindful!

Sean x

 

 

How to prepare for a personal tsunami

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The thing about a Tsunami is if we are prepared then we have a chance of getting to safety and limiting the damage. It is when it comes out of the blue, we didn’t see it coming or we were side swiped, then it becomes difficult.

The poor people in Indonesia have just suffered a tech tonic shift creating an earthquake, tsunami and a volcanic eruption. For these people this disaster came out of nowhere unexpected. Horrendous phone footage showed helpless people attempting to get out of the way of the eighteen foot wave. As this disaster rolls on the death toll currently stands at 1305 and is rising. These people have nothing, have lost everything and unless we all help they will not survive. Time to dig into our pockets and give whatever we can.

If we all look after each other we will all be okay

I have had my own Tsunami’s to deal with as have many of the people that I have worked with. Your child dies, you find your partner in the arms of another, you think you have won the lotto but have lost the ticket, you are told that you are being made redundant, the lorry hits you from behind when you are stopped at the light, you discover you are ill, the most important person in your world dies.

Some people do sail through life free of Tsunamis while others seem to be given one every time they turn around. One of the things that we learn is that life is not fair and that God, should she or he exist, has a vey odd sense of humour.

The thing about the Indonesian crisis is that they did have early warning systems in place. However, they had fallen into disrepair and some had even been vandalised so no warning was given prior to the wave landing on shore.

When we look at our own Tsunamis, our own crises, it is those people who have their own early warning systems in place and working that survive the best. The most effective early warning system that we can have is to be aware and awake, alert yet relaxed, calm and yet attentive. It is when we slip into autopilot that we get side swiped without seeing it coming.

There is something about being aware before it hits that allows us to protect ourselves. As the say ‘forewarned is forearmed’. When we can see a disaster coming we start to process it so that by the time it hits us we are already in protective mode. This then leads to a more effective recovery mode with less shock and anxiety.

However, even the most aware person can be side swiped. Your house burns down your partner is killed in a road traffic accident, the stock market collapses and so on. If at this point we have a strong emotional core so that the greater resilience we have the quicker the recovery. A strong emotional core is built through the practice of mindfulness both sitting practice and living practice. To me being mindful in the moment not only means that you might have more chance to see the Tsunami before it hits but you will be able to recover quicker when it does.

I guess that now in Indonesia there will be those who are mindlessly destroyed by these events and there will those who will Mindfully survive and help and look after others. Recovery is often a long and painful journey.

Take care and build your core

Sean x

 

Personality Disorders

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For some reason human beings need to name things. It has something to do with our need to create order and know where we stand and what is going on. In the Biblical story of Genesis and the process of creation it comes to the point when God parades all the animals of the earth, sea and air before Adam and he names each and everyone. That always struck me as strange, but then I would see people around me needing to name things. So, someone sees a bird that is new to them and the first thing that they would ask is ‘what is that bird called?’

This week we had an email from a listener who was asking about how they could improve their situation and move forward in life. The thing that stuck out in their communication was their need to name and label their various symptoms and condition. I know that this was a way of communicating their situation but it reminded me of the many clients that I have seen over the years who first were given a label and second became am expert in their label.

If someone is given the label ‘clever’ then we know from research that they tend to achieve more because that is their expectation. The same is true if someone is told that they are an ‘idiot’, they tend to play out their expectation. This is the living reality of…

…thoughts become things

In psychiatry and psychotherapy we are obsessed with giving people labels. The DSM, the diagnostic manual, labels things that were once considered normal behaviour that are now considered disorders.

One of the biggest issues is that once someone is given a diagnosis followed by a label they tend to become the expert in their own condition. Once they accept the list of symptoms associated with their label they then expect the symptoms to take place and may even encourage them. This process often serves to fix someone into their label and diagnosis and stops them improving or overcoming their issues. Once someone believes that this is simply the way that they are then they are right and will not progress. Because thoughts become things they will never change or have the expectation that they can change.

Self image

We do this for ourselves. We develop ideas about who we are. We have a self image that may be positive or negative. Once we believe that the ideas that we have about ourself are the truth then we play them out and reinforce them. We may even do this with our name. Our name becomes a label and we associate it with all kinds of ideas and feelings. But our name may come in several forms. We shorten names and sometimes use nick names to change someone’s label. I am called Sean however some people call me Seanie. The feelings behind the label Sean are very different to the label Seanie. If someone is called Rosemary they may also be called Rose, Mary, Ro and each of these labels will have a different image and emotions related with them.

It is good to understand the labels that we use for our self and for other people. When I was young I was told off for calling someone ‘an epileptic’. It was made clear to me that they were a person who suffered from epilepsy, they were concerned that they should not be limited or defined by the label epileptic.

When we mindfully use words, language and labels they help us to communicate and to understand. When we use words, language and labels mindlessly they can confine, diminish or limit who and what we and other people are.

Perhaps this is a good time to review the labels that we are using and decide if they are mindlessly limiting who we are and what we do, or are they allowing us to move mindfully forward in life towards our own fulfilment.

Take care and be happy (that is a good label)

Sean x

 

 

 

Should Humans Hibernate?

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We received a message from a listener enquiring about hibernation. They noted how in the winter months they become less social and more irritable and asked is hibernation normal? Well, the answer is yes, but not sleeping like a bear. More like slowing down and losing some energy that we would normally get from the sun light.

So, winter is on its way once again. It seems to have been a long time coming this year as the warm weather has stretched out until we hit the current storms, but maybe September and October will be warm and bright until the clocks go back.

The effect of the lack of light is the inevitable drop in our level of Vitamin D, and a drop in our level of serotonin that. This normally, leads to feelings of down-ness often described as SAD syndrome. Sometimes I wonder why we bothered to move away from the equator where the levels of vitamin D are naturally high and SAD syndrome has never been heard of.

When, up here in the higher latitudes it gets cold, damp and dark we seek comfort that through evolution has been given to us through eating carbohydrates. The best form of carbs is in cake, bread, pastas, puddings, biscuits, and so on. Carbs kick your brain into producing endorphins that make you feel good which is why they are called comfort food.

Carbs = comfort

Take a holiday

We could go away to the sun and get our endorphin hit that way. Why do we take our main holiday in the summer? Would it not make more sense to enjoy the British summer, even if it is a bit wet it still has long days of light. Then, when it is dark and cold we could jump onto a plane and go somewhere hot and sunny. If we did that we would boost our Vitamin D, increase our serotonin production and keep our mood raised.

Exercise

Another way to counteract the effect of the darkness is to move more. When it is cold the temptation is to huddle around a coal fire and stay in. Yet, if we make the effort to move our body we raise our mood. Twenty minutes of a raised heartbeat will make your brain secrete happy hormones and endorphins that will make you feel happier. The drive from the health authorities is to get everyone walking for at least half an hour a day. If we all did this we reduce our levels of illness, improve our mental health, loose some weight and get happier. Of course it goes without saying that it would also save the health authorities money.

Time to get social

Don’t be a hermit get out and meet people or invite people in. Socialise, have parties, cook meals and enjoy the company of others. Being with others, sharing the feeling of belonging and sharing fun and laughter all increase our levels of happiness. They call it Hygge in Sweden.

Christmas and Stuffmas

Winter means Christmas and for most of us this means money and spending. Creating debts and financial stress is a serious contributor to seasonal depression. The second part of Christmas can be that there is so much to organise and that can be stressful, if we do not share the load and the responsibility. Maybe, if everyone who comes to Christmas dinner each cooked a course the pressures would be less all round.

Make love

Did you know that when we have a particularly dark and cold winter that birth rates can rise by up to 18%. We do know that good positive love making does raise the endorphins and increases happiness. It also helps us to keep warm on a cold night.

Slow down and enjoy

Most of nature takes a break in the winter. The birds fly south, all of the plants go to sleep and many animals go into hibernation. The one species that does not slow down that carries on in a mad dash is us human beings. We may not be able to hibernate but we can slow down.

For us winter could be our chance to rest and relax. A time to gather around log fires and get Hygge. A time to enjoy the joy of story telling, socialisation, and developing family relationships and friendships. A time to mend nets, repair the tools, learn to sew and knit and chat about life and sharing experiences and teach and learn. A time to enjoy winter foods, puddings, custard and cake.

The more I think about it the more I see why the Nordic countries developed their various versions of Hygge to live enjoy and survive their winters.

Be happy and do what you need to ensure you enjoy your winter and make it a winter wonderland.

Take care

Sean x

Trial by Twitter

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In this weeks podcast Ed and I were reviewing the recent spate of media induced conflicts from Colleen Nolan’s spat with Kim on Loose Women, through the strange behaviours of Roxanne Pallet on Big Brother, to Kirsty Allsopp revelation of having smashed her son’s iPads because they failed to comply with the rules on screen time.

Each of these events led to a media frenzy as viewers took to the internet slagging people off and shouting the odds, often in a cruel and offensive manner that is destructive and un-empathic. 

We are suffering from a loss of media empathy. Perhaps some people never had it. It is certainly true that the lack of eye and body contact in media communication results in a lack of sensitivity. We know that in any communication the bulk of the meaning that is shared is in the body language, movement stance and facial expressions. The words that we use account for only 7% of the meaning in what we are sharing. This allows for a 93% miscommunication every time we share online, text or email. Just think how often we get the wrong end of the stick or someone becomes offended by what we have shared in a way that we never intended.

There is an added layer in this loss of media empathy that makes the situation worse. When we use media to communicate we cannot see or feel the effect of what we are sharing because we cannot see the body language, movement stance and facial expressions of the person receiving it. We are having a 7% conversation and maybe a 93% miscommunication as we are unaware of the effect that we are having.

It is so easy to become the critical, hurtful tweeter and say the most outrageous things about another person because we do not have to face the consequences of our communication. People can say things online that they would never say to someone’s face. In this sense people who use social media to have a go at someone are usually cowards and worse than that they are unaccountable cowards.

One of the worst effects of this behaviour is bullying, that predominates with younger people but does also effect older adults as well. We have seen cases where people have been driven to suicide by negative trolling on social media.

The question Ed asked was ‘how can we change this?’  The problem is that we cannot. We cannot un-invent the internet and because we have a natural negative bias we continue to be drawn to the worst of things. Just consider how many scary movies are out there and how popular they are or our obsession with bad news.

The answer is Mindfulness and Education. 

When people develop mindfulness they are developing their own self awareness and their awareness of the effect that they have on other people and the world around them. If we take mindfulness into schools at an early age we might be able to create a more mindful society and recreate and develop higher levels of empathy and care.

The other answer is to use these platforms less if at all and when we do come across negative media gossip do not feed it, let it go.

Be happy, take care and don’t be a troll

Sean x

Influence and vulnerability

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Influence

Ed came across this very weird service offer by,  The Spinner  that puts cookies on target people so that they get nudged with adverts and services that will guide them towards doing what you want them to do. One service was so that you could subliminally suggest to someone that they might want to have sex with you. This can set a thousand alarm bells ringing in your head as to the appropriateness and morality of such a service. The site does say that they do draw a line and that there are things that they will not do, though I am not sure what that would be.

Cookie alert

The service works by you sending the target an email that includes a cookie which embeds onto their system. This then tracks the target’s internet use and ensures that where ever they go they will be presented with articles, adverts and subject that will influence their thinking, feeling and behaviours.

You may not be aware of it but this is what is happening all the time. You search for something on Google or Amazon and suddenly you are seeing adverts based around your searches. Influencing people at the time of elections or, my favourite, Brexit, is where these techniques can have a huge social consequence. I regularly delete all the cookies on my systems to shut down any level of cookie stalking that is following my activity. These means that I have to log back into services that I do want to use such as my bank but it allows me to clean my system.

We have always been, and always will be, influenced by other people. Advertisers and politicians are the standard. However, it is just as true of family, friends, colleagues and employers. The famous ‘Nudge’ may be the health service trying to change our behaviour to make us healthier and live longer, it may be a lover trying to turn us on, it might be the local window cleaner that wants our business. It will always be this way, it is how human beings communicate and how society functions.

Mindful Awareness

Our job is to become aware of who is trying to influence us, understand why they want to influence us and then to decide if we want to go along with it and be influenced. Most influence happens below our awareness, mindfulness brings it into awareness. In mindfulness we have choice. When we are mindful we cannot be influenced without our consent.

The process of increasing our awareness is called ‘waking up’. As the majority of the world’s population are not awake, they are in fact deep asleep, they are ripe to be influenced and manipulated without even being aware of it. There have been so many times when people have told me that “it is a known fact that…….”, and then told me a load of rubbish. This just indicates to me how easy and how often people are influenced into beliefs and ideas without even questioning it.

Someone told me the other day that I am an intellectual, not a label that I would have given my self. However when I use my intellect to examine that concept I guess I do use my intellect to question ’what’ and ‘why’ and I attempt to understand the sound behind someone’s words and ideas. I ask my self “why is that person saying that?” Or “what did that person mean when they said that, what was the sound behind their words?” I like everyone is influenced below my awareness though I try not to influenced without my consent.

So who influences you? Who do you listen to? Who is you icon, guru, teacher? Which TV and radio programs do you favour? Do you prefer the BBC, ITV or Sky news? Which newspaper do you read? When we prefer ITV to the BBC news we are allowing ourselves to be influenced with our consent as we apply our own bias to the world. Who we believe and what we believe may have been imprinted on us from early childhood, education, philosophy or religion but it will, unless we mindfully question it, influence us for the rest of our life.

Being influenced is ok when we are mindfully aware of what the influence is and what is the purpose, the end game, what is it about and what is the sound behind the words.

Be happy and be mindful

Take care

Sean x

 

Cautiousness

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We have talked a lot about anxiety over the years on the podcast. It is a topic that many listeners come back to again and ask us to do an episode on a related issue. In this episode we are talking about cautiousness and it’s relationship to safety, as we were asked

“Where does cautiousness end and paranoia begin?”

We all need to be safe, we all need to be secure. We have spoken many times about the growing epidemic of anxiety and anxiety disorders. Some research suggests that around 60% of all visits to the family doctor are related to anxiety in one form or another. Or, at the least, anxiety is an added symptom in whatever the presenting problem is.

Over all, I see cautiousness as a low level form of anxiety. As with full blown anxiety we must always make the distinction between a real problem and an imagined problem. To be sensibly anxious and cautious is our systems method of keeping us safe and it has done a pretty good job through out evolution.

When cautiousness becomes a disorder it gets in the way of us being able to live our life in a normal way, it becomes a problem. Often the extreme of caution is what we describe as paranoia. This is when we suspect everything and everyone and trust goes out the window.

Cautiousness is a brake pedal that we stamp on when we are unsure or fear what is happening or of what will happen next. The key is that we are concerned by not being in control of what is happening. The easiest way to avoid cautiousness, and to create a sense of control. is to not do ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ is. In the extreme we can end up not doing anything at all that is out of our normal. This is a real caution disorder that can spill over from just effecting us alone to effecting all those around us.

Cautiousness can lead us to not only restrict our own behaviour and experience but also to restrict the activities of others. When this effects our kids and they stop doing things, or avoid doing things, we limit their growth and personal development. Not only that but we build into their minds and emotions, the core concept that the world is not a safe place and that we should be cautious about everything. For many people this can mean avoiding new experiences or any thing that takes us out of the ordinary.

Many people, who are cautious, will look at news broadcasts, facebook or other social media and find evidence to justify their caution, their fear. When the world is continually presented as an unsafe place it is easy to believe that this is the case, that it is true.

If, for example, we look at the reports of all those cheating partners and divorces, it is easy to then believe, and expect, that potential partners will always let us down. This can make us be so cautious that the only way to stay safe is to stay single. The caution is an expression of the fear of future loss or pain.

We all have a creative imagination. Whatever stories we construct in our imagination we live out. Those that make us cautious, can all seem very plausible because our mind likes to work in a logical way and subsequently finds evidence, and there it is all around us, that will support what we believe – “the world is unsafe” – and we need to be cautious when interacting with it.

The reality

The world is, and we are, safer now than we have ever been at any point in history. When we look at the evidence it does not justify our current fears and need for caution. Generally we are now safer from crimes, disease, and accident. We live longer than ever and we are healthier than ever. Yet the news tells us nothing but bad and we believe it.

For example, we may worry about getting cancer and diseases of old age oblivious to the fact that just a couple of generations ago people would not have lived long enough to develop any of these illnesses. The fear of what will happen to us when we get old can make us cautious of living our life in the present. So many people that I have worked with, in their later years, have a list of ‘if only’ and regret that their caution, throughout their life, stopped them from doing what they really wanted to do and fulfilling themselves.

Accepting that us human beings do have the ability to do some very silly things and can create some pretty big problems such as global warming. However, we also have the ability to create solutions and solve problems. We are, above everything else problem solvers. People who understand their ability to solve problems have very low levels of anxiety and tend to not be cautious.

When we understand our capacity to solve problems we can be less cautious about living our lives to the full.

I don’t agree with armies and wars but I do agree with this motto…

He/she who dares wins

The other option is that the person who never dares to do anything never wins but also they never really lose either. They are stuck in stasis of never changing similarity, same old, same old, ground hog day.

Take care – Let go of caution and live your life as you would like to.

Sean x

The Art of the Nudge

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Nudging is the art of persuasion that is carried out below someone’s awareness. This is mainly used in health and safety areas as we encourage people to look after themselves. The rumble strips as you approach a roundabout get closer and closer together giving you the sensation that your car is speeding up. Your natural reaction is to slow down. No one has told you to slow down or asked you to slow down you have simply been nudged below you awareness into an action that makes you and others safer.

In the game of life we all seek to nudge others into doing what it is that we need them to do. If we are subtle they will not realise that they are being nudged. Many people get outraged at these ideas and ask me where nudging ends and manipulation begins? Perhaps the issue is in the eye of the beholder, as I say we are all doing it anyway. Perhaps manipulation is more negative and nudging more positive.

A while ago when we were looking at persuasion I suggested other words that we might use or think of instead of persuasion such as teaching, training, encouragement, seduction, inducement, punishment, cajolery, extortion, manipulation, coercion, bullying, brainwashing, exhortation, fear… I am sure there are more. Perhaps we then need also to consider the common vehicles that are used for persuasion such as media, news, propaganda, prejudice, gossip, faith, belief and our good friend advertising.

The Negative Bias

Evolutionary psychology explains that as we, indeed all beings on the planet, evolved we learned pretty early on that staying safe was a very good idea. This meant that we learned to pay more attention to the painful scary things than to the pleasurable things. This is known in psychology as the negative bias. We all know people who catastrophise events, make mountains out of mole hills and always seeing the worst possible outcomes, they are simply playing out the evolutionary negative bias to keep them self and those that they care about safe.

It seems strange that the negative message should be more powerful and create more attention than the positive one. Just turn on the news and see this being played out. Simply ask yourself ‘why is news always about bad things happening? Why don’t we pay as much attention to the good news as to the bad?’ The bad news is potentially telling us about things that may threaten us and from an evolutionary point of view this was more important than being happy.

Security and behaviour

Our behaviour is based around our need for security, for our need to feel safe or normal. This makes us vulnerable to be nudged by any message that might make use feel insecure or threatened.

As you will realise my current hobby horse is Brexit. The Brexit movement was all about nudging people with the feeling of fear and threat. When the statement that we would be able to put £350 million back into the NHS it was not talking to our positive self as in ‘oh that is good we will have more money for health’ we heard the message with our negative bias, ‘Those Europeans are stealing our resources’. This plays right back to the evolutionary negative bias, it is as though the tribes in the neighbouring territories are stealing our food and resources. The natural response is to move away from the source of the threat,

Now, if I say ‘if we leave Europe it is the stupidest thing we could ever do. We will all suffer, be worse off and create more instability in the world that leads to wars, death and violence…’ all of which I do believe by the way, what I have done is just attempted to nudge you into voting ‘stay’ in the next referendum by appealing to your negative bias. If I were to appeal to the positive side of your nature and tell what wonderful people the Europeans are and how much we benefit from being involved with them, the message does not have them same impact.

Nudging and persuading is what we are all doing all the time, if not with others then with ourself. How do you nudge yourself to go to the gym when you are feeling like you can’t be bothered?

Mindfulness is the only option that we have to become truly aware of who we are and what we are doing and also to be aware of others and what exactly they are up to. My stuck phrase is ‘what is the sound behind their words? What do they really mean when they said that?’

In mindful awareness we life in a world of choice and if we are Being nudged we might choose to enjoy it and see where it takes us. After all life is about learning?

Take care and be happy (that is a nudge by the way)

Sean x (so is the X that infers that I care without actually saying it)

Difficult Decisions

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Isn’t this a big one? So much of my work is filled with people needing to make a decision and if they are talking to me about it then it must be a difficult one.

Karma and consequence

Decision making is the nature of being alive. Every moment we are making decisions and each of these decisions will have a consequence. In eastern philosophies the consequence is called karma. People in the West talk about good karma and bad karma in reality good and bad does not exists it is simply a consequence, it is us that adheres the labels of good and bad. Once we get beyond the ideas of fault and blame we see only consequence and to the awake mind, learning.

The issue about making a decision is the fear

Many people are scared of making decisions for fear of making a mistake and getting it wrong. The greater the potential outcome of the decision the harder it becomes. At this point many people opt to do nothing not realising that in karma doing nothing is also an action. There is a consequence to doing nothing therefore to do nothing is as active as doing something.

The value of a decision

The value of making a decision is that you are in control. To be at the dither point unable to decide what to do next turns us into victims, vulnerable to being pushed around by the situation or by other people. When we make a decision it is as though we have taken hold of our life and even if the decision is wrong we can learn from it and make another decision to get us back on track. In mindful awareness we can observe consequence and make a choice.

Nothing bad ever happens

This maybe a bit hard to grasp but once you have it can be life changing. In a world of consequence and learning nothing bad can ever happen. This is because right, wrong, good, bad, fault and blame are all in the eye of the beholder. If we take away all of those labels and simply look at any situation in life as a learning opportunity we will always get the very best from our life that we possibly can.

Tossing a coin

If you hold to the philosophy of nothing ever bad happening you could just as well toss a coin to make a decision as long as you are awake enough to learn from whatever happens. Ok, so it is better if you make an active decision but when you are really stuck the deal is that you need to do something and if you do decide to do nothing then own that as an active decision and be responsible for the consequence and learn.

Asking the Oracle

Many people, when faced with a difficult decision, will consult the oracle. This might be in the form of a psychic, a tarot reader, the I Ching, Rune Stones, Angel cards, these are all actually very valid things. When we consult an oracle we evoke the Barnum effect. Barnum was a circus owner and illusionist. The Barnum effect is that you see what you want to see. Equally you hear what you want to hear. Our own bias is such that we will read into, or take what we want, in ways that simply apply to just us from whatever we experience. When you read your stars in the daily newspaper the Barnum effect will ensure that whatever you read into it will be right, good and effective just for you.

The bottom line is that making a decision is simply about the consequence. Some consequences will be obvious and others unforeseen. Whatever the outcome if we are mindfully awake we will learn, grow and move on.

On the basis that nothing bad can ever happen and that we can deal with whatever the consequence we can move ahead assured in a positive outcome to our lives. On that basis there are never difficult decisions just interesting consequences.

Take care and be happy

Sean x