Isolation Anxiety

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Covid19 is now getting a hold and things are now moving fast. We seem to be following the same track as China and Italy. The time has come where we are moving into the stage of lockdown and no one knows how long this will last. Estimates vary from a few weeks to several months. Those who are infected will need to isolate for a minimum 14 day as will those living in the same house. This means that some people will now be developing isolation anxiety and the associated levels of depression. So this week podcast was about what can we do to survive the issues of isolation.

Over the years I have dealt with many staff members who have been on long term sick leave who have suffered from the isolation of being alone. Being away from the social support of colleagues and the workplace can create an emotional crisis. It can easily feel that when there is no stimulation that there is no point. No point in getting out of bed, no point in getting washed. Just simply no point. That is where the depression can begin. So here are some ideas to help deal with isolation anxiety.

1: Routine –

Our lives are structured by the need for routine. It might simply be going to work, taking the kids to school. We all have a routine and that is what we need to keep going. Set the alarm clock get out of bed and start doing things. Make a plan. Have a weekly diary sheet on the wall and plan each day and plan the week.

2: Negotiation –

You may be quarantined with family or friends. This may mean that you have had to segregate the house to avoid cross infection. If you are alone you may need friends to help deliver foods or other supplies. Most of all you may need to get some support maybe online or by phone. It helps our mood if we can remain connected.

It maybe that you are aware of people who are in isolation and it could help them if you ensure that you stay in contact and ensure that they are okay. 

3: Exercise –

Keep moving. Avoid becoming a couch potato. Even if you are stuck indoors and cannot use the garden you can still exercise. Go on YouTube Find some exercise regimes, yoga and workouts. Don’t stay still.

4: Mindfulness –

At live in the present we are always going on about staying mindfully in the now. We know that when our mind ruminates on the past we tend to become depressed and when we ruminate on the future we tend to become anxious. Mindful meditation is the key to staying in the moment. There are many apps, the most famous being HeadSpace that will guide you through learning to meditate and again YouTube has many meditations. If you look at podcast one of my favourites is Meditation Oasis that has a library of meditations. It is such a good resource. From the Live In The Present Site I have put some relaxations and meditations that can be used to help you stay grounded and in the moment.  The five minute breath focus meditation will help you remain grounded and the Seven Eleven recording will help you reduce levels of anxiety.

5: Have some fun –

If you are going to watch Netflix or get into those box sets that you want to catch up on ensure that they are fun. Try not to get stuck into the negative or scary series. Keep it light, keep it fun. Watching things like Only Fools and Horses can make you smile and laugh and directly affect you brain chemistry in a positive way.

6: Cooking –

This is a good time to get cooking and play in the kitchen. When you do cook for yourself be aware of portion control it can be easy at this time to increase portion size, snack and pick and increase the size of your waist band. 

7: Reading –

I’m sure many of us will have books lying around that you intended to read but have not got around to? Now is your chance. If you can’t get out to buy a book there are plenty on line as ebooks and audio books and many are free.

8: Writing –

What about writing? Perhaps you are a hidden poet or song writer? They say that inside everyone there is at least one book. This could be your time.

9: Learning –

What about taking a course or doing some training? The are many sites that offer free or very cheap courses. Have a look at theses, Udemy – iTunesU – Groupon – Coursera.

10: Crafts –

Again there are many videos online to show you how to be creative in arts and crafts.

11: Online contact –

There are already and I am sure there will be a growing amount of support groups where you can chat with people online. It may be worth having a Google to see what is out there. It is also good to remember that using Skype, FaceTime etc you can keep in touch with family and friends.

12: Therapy –

If you do feel that you are slipping into depression or anxiety get some therapy. There are many therapist working online and I am sure that as this crisis increase there will be more. There is no need to suffer. Do something about it.

13: Me –

If all else fails email me, talk to me. As long as I am well, I am here for advice and for support.

14: The Self Help Podcast –

Health permitting – Ed and I hope to be here every week, tune in, send us ideas and get involved.

Lastly, we all need support. You may need support through this difficult time but so will others. Are there people around you who need your support? Remember…

If we all look after each other we will all be okay

This has never been more true than at this moment, especially small businesses as well they need us! Personally i would like to give thanks to Katie and her wonderful team at the real food kitchen, if you are local to Parkgate/Neston check them out. 

Take care, be happy, and wash your hands!

Sean x

Performance Anxiety

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At this point in our anxiety series we are looking at performance anxiety. It might sound as though this form of anxiety only concerns actors and musicians and those engaged in the performing arts. Actually performance anxiety is about the fear of not being able to complete a task successfully. It may also be about the fear of being belittled for failure or perceived failure.

However, anxiety about being on a stage, doing a performance, delivering a speech or doing a presentation are all forms of performance anxiety. It could be the fear of cooking a meal or painting a wall for fear of criticism. Many parents have performance anxiety about being able to be a good parent. With the first child comes all the fears of ‘are we getting right?’, or the realisation that ‘we don’t know what we are doing’.

When you hear people saying…

“I can’t do right for doing wrong”

…they are describing performance anxiety. It often comes from someone criticising you enough that your motivation to act is diminished. What we describe as procrastination can actually be someone who has become inactive due to a criticism based performance anxiety. This is an issue that I deal with frequently when working with couples and one never feels good enough.

Fear and anxiety usually lead to action. Fight or flight are the common responses to anxiety. However there is a third response, ‘freeze’. Freeze is when the mind/body system decides that it is safer to do nothing than to either fight or run away. Out in the jungle this may mean hiding in silence from a predator until the coast is clear and it is safe to move. In a work setting freeze may be keeping your head down and avoiding volunteering for a task. Socially freeze could be avoiding the spotlight and individual attention.  Freeze could be avoiding exams, interviews, a first date, a holiday or even opening a gift.

Performance anxiety is not just about completing a task but how we are seen in completing the task. Some people on social media can be particularly cruel in their criticism of others in what they do, how they look or about what they believe or think. How many people act, dress, state opinions that are motivated by the anxiety of how they need to be seen and their desire to fit in and be one of the group.

There is another aspect of performance anxiety that I often have to deal with. Over all I would describe this as fear of intimacy and fear sexual contact anxiety. In many cases this is driven by the internet and the common usage of online pornography. I had not realised the extent of this until I completed a qualification in therapy for those suffering from online porn addiction. In many parts of the UK internet pornography is used by 70% of men and 30% of women. The course did not cover the effects that online pornography can have on those that are not addicted. However, performance anxiety may effect those who having watched it then feel that they are very inadequate or inexperienced.

This can begin with the way that people look and perceive their body. They may feel too fat or too thin. That their bum is too big or too small. Their breast or penis are not big enough. Their knowledge and experience may just not be good enough.

The problem is that the acts seen on screen are unreal. They are performed by actors who often have unreal sculpted bodies who are acting out a role with props, aids, cameras and scripts. You only have to look at the people you see in the street to see that most people’s bodies are quite ordinary and that they are not the sexual athletes that are seen on screen.

I have worked with so many people who have been scared of being naked with another person for the first time because they fear being seen as ugly. Those who fear a sexual encounter because they may not be good enough. Or fear that they do not match up to someone’s previous partners. This can lead to both unrealistic expectation but also unrealistic acting out. Often those who are pounding the mattress, shouting out loud or screaming yes, yes, yes may be more concerned with how they are seen by their partner rather than simply enjoying the act that they are engaged in.

Sexual performance anxiety can be an issue for men when they have a failed erection. This is actually quite common. It can be due to stress, illness, hormonal changes or simply tiredness. The outcome of this experience is often dependent on the reaction of the partner. Some partners will experience the failed erection as an insult to them , ‘am I not good enough’, ‘why don’t you fancy me?’, and so on.

In most cases it has nothing to do with the partner. The partner’s responses can leave the man with the failed erection with feelings of failure. These can lead to performance anxiety in the future. Once the idea is embedded in the mind the script writing begins and the outcome is ensured. Some men who have failed erections, and are the belittled by their partner, may feel so diminished, embarrassed and hurt that they never have sex again for fear of failure.

Whatever form the performance anxiety takes the key is fear. This plays into the script writing nature of the human mind as we start to prepare for any event. Once we fear failure we are almost certainly going to write a script that ensures that we are right.

What you feed grows and what you starve dies

Once we have failed again we have confirmed that we are right. Every time, after that, when we attempt the same task we will get the same results. One solution is to undertake therapy that enables us to rewrite the emotional scripting and allows us to experience success. At that point our expecting of the task becomes success not failure.

When we suffer any form of performance anxiety it can be embarrassing to admit it and talk about it. However, talking with the right skilled person can lead to solutions that can be life changing.

Take care, be happy and if any of this blog resonates with you do something about it. You will feel so much better.

Sean x

Social anxiety disorder

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So, in this podcast we are looking at another form of anxiety. Social fears are probably the most common form of anxiety that we experience. On the basis that around three million people in the UK are suffering from anxiety at any one time a high percentage of these will be experiencing social anxiety.

Social anxiety or social phobia is a whole size bigger than simple shyness. Like all forms of anxiety it involves a fear of the future. All forms of anxiety can only be experienced by those who have a good imagination. Anxiety requires the person to be able to visualise the fear. In many cases sufferers have an overwhelming fear of social situations and gatherings. However, those who suffer from agoraphobia often also have a social anxiety. When people are claustrophobic they fear being confined and not able to get out they may also fear isolation and need to be with other people to feel secure and safe. The reverse is true with agoraphobia when people can be scared of lots of people in large open spaces such as an airport or a supermarket.

Often people with social anxiety have a dread of everyday activities. This could include going to work or to a friends house, taking the children to school, attending school or going to the library. There may also be a fear of meeting strangers, going on first dates, starting conversations, speaking on the phone, or going shopping. Any form of group conversations, eating in public or taking public transport or an aeroplane. The list can become endless. 

One feature of anxiety phobia is that its object will change. So if you overcome one thing such as flying the phobia can switch to shopping centre. If you solve the shopping centre the phobia will simply move onto another object, until the person resolves the underlying issue.

Social phobics often feel embarrassed by how they look or act. They can be embarrassed by their bodily reaction such as blushing, sweating, clumsiness, appearing incompetent or in some way being seen as stupid. The is often a paranoid fear that others are watching, criticising or judging you.

These fears can lead to avoiding eye contact, feeling sick, sweating, trembling, increased heart rate or a pounding heartbeat (palpitations). In the extreme these symptoms can build into panic attacks.

Anxiety and panic attacks can lead to rapid heartbeat, muscle tension and fatigue, dizziness and lightheadedness, disturbed stomach and diarrhoea, difficulty in catching breath, feeling faint and disturbed sleep patterns.

So what do you do?

My starting point is Mindfulness with meditation, relaxation, seven eleven breathing and good sleep. However, life style and social, emotional situations need to be reviewed as well as the persons working situation.

Your GP or other healthcare provider can discuss different medication options to manage both the physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety. There is a range of medication that can be used to manage anxiety and it is important to discuss with your GP which one would be most appropriate for your circumstances.

Talking therapies – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help to teach strategies for recognising and overcoming distressing or anxious thoughts, it is one of the most common therapies for treatment and management of anxiety especially within the NHS.

Most importantly do not suffer alone talk to someone and seek support.

Mind

Rethink

BUPA

Take care, be happy.

Sean x

 

351: Be Kind

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In a world where people like Caroline Flack can be hounded into an early grave by the unkindness of trolls and the press. The press were blamed for Diana’s death and unfortunately it is believed that trolls are contributing factors for thousands of internet based suicides. Bullying, prejudice, harassment, violence and unkindness is never, and can never, be acceptable. It takes so little effort to be kind.

According to Wikipedia kindness is a behaviour marked by:

‘Ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others.
It is known as a virtue, and recognised as a value.

Google defines kindness as

‘The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate’.

How do you define it?

When I was a child I would read the book ‘The Water Babies’ by Charles Kingsley. In the story there was a wonderful character called ‘Mrs Do As You Would Be Done By’. She ensured that whatever the children’s behaviour it was reflected back to them. Later in my travels I discovered the laws of Karma and Dharma and the concept that ‘what goes around comes around’.

If the law of karma is real then we should all have a vested interest in treating other people well on the basis that we will also be treated in the same way. This can make acts of kindness and altruism begin to sound too calculated though, in terms of social stability, in any community or group of people, treating others fairly means that I will be treated fairly as well. This makes good sense.

In Ayurvedic psychology acting positively and serving the needs of others without expecting anything in return is termed ‘Bhakti’. People such as Ghandi, Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela, amongst many others, would fall into this category. People who have given of themselves without great reward or aggrandisement. You will probably know of people in your life or community who are like that and are Bhakti.

Kindness or treating other people fairly and well is enshrined in most religions and philosophies.
In the Ayurvedic and Hindu worlds acting in the right way is termed dharma. According to…

Dharma is not the same as Religion

‘The word “dharma” has multiple meanings depending on the context in which it is used. These include: conduct, duty, right, justice, virtue, morality, religion, religious merit, good work according to a right or rule, etc. Many other meanings have been suggested, such as law or “torah” (in the Judaic sense), “logos” (Greek), “way” (Christian) and even ‘tao” (Chinese).’

Though there are no equivalent word for the concept/word dharma in the Western lexicon.

‘Dharma has the Sanskrit root dhri, which means “that which upholds” or “that without which nothing can stand” or “that which maintains the stability and harmony of the universe.” Dharma encompasses the natural, innate behaviour of things, duty, law, ethics, virtue, etc. Every entity in the cosmos has its particular dharma — from the electron, which has the dharma to move in a certain manner, to the clouds, galaxies, plants, insects, and of course, man. Man’s understanding of the dharma of inanimate things is what we now call physics.’

For me psychological or spiritual dharma is to act in the right way in every situation all the time. An ideal to aim for, though hard to achieve. This is what we in ‘live in the present’ term mindfulness. To be mindful in the moment, to be aware of yourself and the other people around you means that you can do nothing but act in the right way which is to act with kindness. Being mindful, being positive, being kind and being happy are all facets of the same attitude of mind and way of being.

Kindness is in the same spectrum as love. It is part of the positive forces that brings people together, solves problems and creates happiness.

It was a joy to read on twitter about the person who offered to buy a stranger a copy of reasons to stay alive by Matt Haig, because it had helped her when she needed it and she anted to help someone else who might need it. Well this then led to a bookshop – Big Green bookshop who picked up on this and soon hundreds of people who had read the book were offering to pay for other people to have it too. As I type this 1000’s have people have gifted books to total strangers and other bookshops have become involved. Kindness and love right there, amazing.

However you would express your acts of kindness, it would be good if we could all spend one day each week being consciously kind.

Be happy

Sean x

Phobic Anxiety

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Phobic anxiety is often like a low level panic disorder. If someone is forced into engaging with a phobic situation they may well develop a full blown panic attack, (see last weeks blog). Throughout this mini series on anxiety it is important to remember that anxiety is a good thing. It is our friend that has kept use safe throughout evolution. Being anxious about heights kept us safe when we lived in trees. Being anxious about predators kept us from being eaten. In our modern world being anxious about electricity keeps us from being electrocuted and being anxious about roads saves us from being run over. Anxiety is good. Anxiety disorder is a problem.

The Encyclopaedia Brittanica defines a phobia as…

…an extreme, irrational fear of a specific object or situation. A phobia is classified as a type of anxiety disorder, since anxiety is the chief symptom experienced by the sufferer. Phobias are thought to be learned emotional responses.

Many years ago I came across a man, in psychiatry, who was terrified of being turned into orange juice. Obviously this could not have any logical component. If he saw an orange his phobic response would make him distressed and if he could get away from the orange he would develop a full blown panic attack. It can be easy to look at other people’s phobias and fears a see them as silly or even stupid. The thing to realise is that the trigger to someone’s fear is very real to them. It is their reality.

Most phobic responses have a causal event. To be phobic about something infers that there is a negative connection to it. A difficult flight involving turbulence or a difficult landing in the wind can create a phobia to flying. Food poisoning from eating a particular food can create a phobic avoidance of that food or that restaurant forever.

Most of us are phobic about something. It could anything from a colour to a fairground ride. One the relationship has been made the mere mention of the trigger can cause the symptoms that are common to all anxieties.

  • sweating
  • trembling
  • hot flushes or chills
  • shortness of breath or difficulty breathing
  • a choking sensation
  • rapid heartbeat (tachycardia)
  • pain or tightness in the chest
  • a sensation of butterflies in the stomach
  • nausea
  • headaches and dizziness
  • feeling faint
  • numbness or pins and needles
  • dry mouth
  • a need to go to the toilet
  • ringing in your ears
  • confusion or disorientation

Complex phobias include agoraphobia and claustrophobia.

Treatment

Talking treatments, such as counselling, are often very effective at treating phobias. In particular, hypnotherapy, Cognitve Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness and one to one counselling. Medication maybe prescribed for anxiety but is not usually very effective for phobias.

The important things is that phobias are learned and can be unlearned.

Take care and be happy

Sean x

Panic Disorders

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In this blog I am looking at anxiety and it’s sibling panic attacks. I’d like to try in this blog and explain a bit about the brain and emotion along with the appropriateness of different forms of therapy. At a scientific level our understanding of neuropsychology and therefore our understanding of the neuropsychology of anxiety has come on leaps and bounds.

The human brain is different to all other mammals and primates in that we have the developed the higher cortex that gives rise to cognitive function, including speech, language, reasoning and self awareness. This we may term the “New Brain” and is the result of millions of years of evolution. If there is truly a difference between humans and other hominids this is it. The “Old Brain”, shared with many other species, that is also the result of millions of years of evolution, is dominated by the amygdala and the brain stem. The difference between these two parts of the brain is the difference between worry and fear.

Panic and fear based anxiety is emotional

Fear is an instinctual response, often a reflex, in the amygdala of the old brain that may lead to the physical, fight, flee and freeze responses that are activated in the brain stem. This tends to be highly emotional, often below awareness and may be triggered by thoughts, sounds, smells, colours and so on. When people have an old brain anxiety/panic attack it is a fear reaction and they will appear to be temporarily out of control. Once they have calmed down and the cognitive new brain is back on line they may be filled with remorse and be shocked and horrified by their instinctual behaviour.

The amygdala is a dual almond shaped organ, one in either hemisphere of the brain though usually termed in the singular. The difference between the two amygdalas, which  in Ayurvedic neuropsychology is recognised as a part of our intuitive function, that sense of knowing without knowing why we know. As such its function is both above and below our awareness. When it is functioning above our awareness we call it intuition. When it functions below our awareness we see it as the primal response of instinct. This is where we processes fear, yet we may never understand why we are afraid.

Panic

A dictionary definition is a sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behaviour.

The Mayo clinic defines panic as…

“ …a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause. Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, you might think you’re losing control, having a heart attack or even dying”.

Symptoms 

Panic attacks typically begin suddenly, without warning. They can strike at any time — when you’re driving a car, at the shops, sound asleep or in the middle of a business meeting. You may have occasional panic attacks, or they may occur frequently.

Panic attacks have many variations, but symptoms usually peak within minutes. You may feel fatigued and worn out after a panic attack subsides.

Panic attacks typically include some of these signs or symptoms:

  • Sense of impending doom or danger
  • Fear of loss of control or death
  • Rapid, pounding heart rate
  • Sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Shortness of breath or tightness in your throat
  • Chills
  • Hot flashes
  • Nausea
  • Abdominal cramping
  • Chest pain
  • Headache
  • Dizziness, lightheadedness or faintness
  • Numbness or tingling sensation
  • Feeling of unreality or detachment

Worry Based Anxiety is cognitive

Worry based anxiety is completely different to emotional based panic anxiety. The anxiety that is experienced in the new cognitive brain is completely different to primal amygdala responses, in that it is experienced as a reasoned response based in logic.

The reasoning and the logic may, in reality, be faulty but it is experienced by the person as factual. People will say “it is a known fact that…” when it is nothing of the sort. Worry based anxiety comes from the person not living in the present moment. They have projected themselves forward into ideas and experiences that may never happen but they are living them in the present as though they have. The tools of worry based anxiety are obsessing, which may lead to obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD, rumination, dog with a bone syndrome where we cannot let it go and tend to go over and over the same issue again and again.

Ayurveda

In Ayurveda, worry based anxiety, in the cognitive cortex, is seen as part of the process of the imagination. People with a poor imagination do not get worry anxiety because they have difficulty imagining negative futures to become anxious about. Cognitive anxiety is dealt with by Tantric therapy, which is not all about sex it is about dealing with and controlling the imagination. Worry in the amygdala is dealt with in the Raja therapy.

Tantric therapy is based in using visualisation to create future images that are positive and do not have the worry attached to them. The habit if attaching worry anxiety to a particular thought or image is replaced with new positive images that are the new worry free habit. Raja based therapy is mindful relaxation and meditative practice that reduces the levels of stress hormone in the body system reducing the instinctual feelings of fear.

Cognitive behavioural therapy

Over the years I, and many other therapist, have a stream of people presenting with emotional anxiety who will state how they have had CBT for their anxiety and how it worked really well, although it is not for everyone.

What happens is someone presents for therapy with amygdala based emotional anxiety. Because the world of therapy is awash with CBT practitioners the patient will almost certainly see a CBT therapist who uses their learned tools for dealing with cognitive anxiety. What happens is that the therapist uses a set of cognitive exercises that suppress the patients fear based emotions. it is as though they force in a cork to trap the emotions in a bottle of fizzy emotions. Because the emotions have not been processed or resolved over time the emotions gradually push the cork out of the bottle and the patient ends up just where they began with the same emotional anxiety.

Don’t get me wrong I am not against CBT, just the way that it can be limited or misused. The bottom line is cognitive therapy works best for cortex based worry anxiety. Emotional therapy works best for amygdala based fear anxiety and panic. The trick is that you need to know the difference.

If your anxiety if based in logical reasoning seek out a cognitive therapist they will be great for you.

If your anxiety is fear based find a therapist skilled in emotional work they maybe psychodynamic, cognitive analytical (CAT), Mindfulness based therapies or sit an 8 week Mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) course and you should get what you need.

Most importantly none of us need to suffer anxiety, If you do then please do something about it.

Take care and be happy

Sean X

Anxiety

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This week Ed and I were looking at anxiety from four points of view, as described in the book The Four Thoughts That F*ck You Up… and How To Fix Them, by Daniel Fryer. Each follows different issues related to Mindfulness.

1: Dogmatic demands: holding onto rigid beliefs

These maybe religious, political, social and so on.

2: Doing a drama: catastrophising and blowing a situation out of proportion.

3: The ‘I can’t copes: telling ourselves we can’t cope or deal with something – Thoughts become things.

4: Pejorative put-downs: putting ourselves or the world down – if you say it often enough you get to believe it.

Whichever way you look at it, it follows that anyone who lives in states of anxiety can not be living with happiness, the two do not really go together. The chances are that anyone who is experiencing levels of anxiety is not living in their own present. To be truly happy you need to be living in your now. Holding onto past happiness is nostalgia and hoping for future happiness is anticipation.

Holding onto past unhappiness is depression and expecting a future with fear is anxiety.

Anxiety is a state of being when your conscious mind travels forward to an imagined and often fearful future event that, may never, and probably, will never take place. In anxiety the experiences, those images, they are in the present, as though they are happening right now. Those who do not, or have not experienced anxiety will often have problems understanding this. Platitudes such as ‘pull yourself together”, “stop being stupid” and “look at how good your life is” don’t really help.

Learning to stop looking negatively into the future is part of the solution to anxiety. After all in most situations there is really little or nothing for any of us to worry about. It may seem completely obvious to tell the sufferer to live in the present, to  “be here now!” Yet this can be experienced as the impossible task because the sufferer is’ living ‘their’ present. It is just that their present happens to be dislocated into an imagined future.

When I look at my case load, whether they are individuals, couples or referrals through an occupational health department, at least 60% of what I deal with would be termed anxiety or involving the symptoms of anxiety. Anxiety is the product of the emotional mind and no amount of cognitive talking therapy will resolve feelings. We need to look elsewhere for a lasting solution.

Anxiety itself is not a bad thing. It is an emotional response that has kept us all safe throughout evolution. To have an awareness of, and raised alertness to, dangers around us is a good thing. However, to have continual anxiety about the future that we live in the present is termed Generalise Anxiety Disorder (GAD), the key is in the word ‘disorder’. It is this disorder that people mean when they say they have anxiety.

Anxiety comes in several forms…

Ordinary anxiety is normal and useful, even helpful and keeps us safe.

Reactive anxiety is responsive an event such as an accident, assault, bereavement.

Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is when anxiety can seem to be all around us.

Ordinary anxiety is completely normal, transitory and keeps us safe. Reactive anxiety will normally require some therapeutic intervention and may take a while to resolve, though it will resolve eventually. GAD is completely different issues and will normally require medication and some therapy, though often with GAD talking therapies such as CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) will have a limited effect. The trick with anxiety is not what you think it is what you feel and more importantly what you see in your imagination.

Anxiety disorder is of itself completely irrational though it is completely visual. To be fearful of a future involves being able to visualise it. It is the imagination that is the problem. People with anxiety disorder have good imaginations. Those with poor imagination can not visualise a future to be fearful of. The key to resolving anxiety is in positive visualisation.

For example if you fear flying when you think about your coming holiday what you are really doing is visualising getting to the airport, getting on the plane, imagining the take off, the turbulence and the landing. Most of all you may imagine the plane crashing. You can feel the fact that you will be several miles up in the air and that there is nothing beneath you, As you rehearse these images your limbic system releases chemistry that creates the physical symptoms of anxiety in your body. It is important to realise that no cognitive process has taken place. Non of this is about thinking it is all about feeling and feelings related to the images in your mind. It follows that if the perpetrator of the anxiety are the visions in your mind then the solution is to change those images to those that have a good feeling and serve you well.

When the anxious person learns to use their imagination to visualise a future that serves them well, one that they might actually look forward to, they reduce their symptoms of anxiety eventually eliminating anxiety all together.

I say this to as a person who has suffered anxiety disorder. Who attended talking therapies and failed to overcome anxiety disorder. Who eventually discovered visualising therapies, overcame anxiety disorder and has subsequently helped thousands of people to do the same.

When you realise that to have anxiety disorder requires that you have a good imagination to be able visualise those things that trigger your symptoms it follows that the solution to your problems is to change the images. Visualisation works well because it is playing to their strengths. What was the problem now has become the solution.

Visualisation therapy can be found through a therapist who understands the emotional mind and the part that the imagination plays in anxiety. You may find the solution through psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, deep guided relaxation, meditation, and mindfulness. Visual therapies are a positive and effective alternative to straight talking therapy and medication.

Take care, be happy and live in the present!

Sean x

Procrastination

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So here we are in the New Year. The world is all new and starting afresh. We even have a post Brexit Britain to look forward to – or so some people think – we will see. Anyway, I have heard a few people telling me that this year they just can’t seem to get going. These sentiments come with a mix of guilt and the admitting procrastination. I don’t really see the issue. In a world when we seem to be obsessed with doing things and have generally lost the art of simply just being anyone who dares to sit and relax, reflect or even meditate can be accused of procrastination. But, what about if the art of being was what we were really meant to be doing and not physically and practically moving things about to create the illusion that we have value? In the current climate it is so easy to assume that the person who does not need to do and move things about is a waster and of little use. However, procrastination might even be a celebration that might reduce stress, anxiety and even create more happiness?

You see that even when we are doing nothing we are really doing something. To the person who always needs to be busy someone who meditates or simply stops long enough to enjoy the view may be seen as a procrastinator. Yet, perhaps it’s the person who is being still and apparently doing nothing who is seeing the real world and making the breakthroughs in science art or literature, human consciousness and compassion that might just save the world. 

If you break down the word procrastination you get Pro = forward, future… Crastinus = tomorrow. For many procrastination simply means to delay not that the person will not complete the task. To procrastinate does not make the person lazy they may simply be the type who considers before they act. This may give their action more meaning and values than if they simply acted in a quick but meaningless response.

However, laziness does exist. There are people who are really lazy and do as little as possible. In our busyness to keep doing we may no longer be able to tell the differences. Sometimes, if you are feeling like procrastinating and putting things off it maybe an emotional barometer that tells you whether what you are doing is what you really should be doing. It may help you discover what is it that you really want from your life. It is time to reflect.

Imagine that when you wake you are about to go and do something that makes you feel good. Do you have problems getting out of bed?, Well no. Now, imagine that you are waking to a day full of things that you don’t want to do. Do you have problems getting out of bed?, Well yes. Procrastination may not be a bad thing but it might just be that our need to procrastinate is our system trying to tell us something?

The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up. 

Author Unknown

In the west we tend to be driven by what is termed ‘the Protestant work ethic’. Most people work long hours to the exclusion of family, friends and their own life and fulfilment. Yet very few people really actually like their work life. I work with thousands of people who wake on a Monday with the dread of another week in their workplace. They would rather  be doing anything else. Procrastination does not always mean to do nothing, doing something else instead is often termed displacement.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work

the are supposed to be doing at that moment. 

Robert Benchley

Displacement activity is something that you do to avoid doing what you don’t want to do, or a way of dealing with a difficult situation. For example a rabbit that is cornered and is about to be eaten by a fox and knowing there is now escape will displace this energy of fear into the activity of washing itself.

In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing more urgent actions with tasks less urgent, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time.’

Wikipedia

The  clue in this definition is ‘enjoyment’. The protestant work ethic goes alongside with ideas like ‘life is hard’, ‘life is earnest’ and ‘everyone has their cross to bear’. Well I don’t buy any of that, I am in the school of life should be fun and life should be fulfilling. It seems that we have no problem finding the energy to do things that we do want to do, things that make us feel good. While, those things that we don’t want to do sap our energy and take away our motivation.

My approach to life is that when I feel the need to procrastinate or displace, I look at, and enjoy the process, and at the same time I look at what I need to do with my life so that I feel engaged and connected and restore the balance between what I need to do and what I want to do. This is often described as ‘work life balance’. In the end if you are living the life that you really want the issues of procrastination and displacement do not exist because you are enjoying and fulfilling yourself in the present moment so that getting out off bed on any day, even Monday is never a problem.

The best way to get something done is to begin. 

Author Unknown

That comes back to the live in the present question ‘what do you really, really, really want to do with your life?’ Until you answer this question you will be forever procrastinating and displacing. Becoming aware of when and why you procrastinate will help you answer the question of what do you really want. So there may be times when procrastination is really something we should celebrate, focus on and use effectively.

I’d like to procrastinate but I just can’t seem to be bothered

Take care and live in the present and enjoy your procrastination.

Sean x

Blue Monday & Depression

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We can all feel lower in mood during the winter. Well that is a relative statement. At the end of October the clocks in the UK and most of Europe go back one hour. This has the effect of making it feel like the world just got a whole lot darker. However the effect of the diminishing sunlight at this time of year means that everyone’s serotonin level, the wellbeing endorphin in the brain, drops and we all feel less up and at it and have less get up and go. Though, this is also a relative statement.

How down any individual feels in the darker winter months will be dictated by their level of vitamin D when the winter begins. Vitamin D is the precursor of serotonin. It created by sunlight in the skin and the lack of light in the winter predisposes us to higher levels of depression. Those with higher levels of VIt D in October will be affected less than those with low levels. When people get sad in the winter we call it SAD – seasonally affected disorder.

The saddest day of the year is said to be the Monday in January in the third week. This years Blue Monday, as it is known came from research carried out by the holiday company Sky Travel. This may have been an advertising ploy to get people to take a sunny break during the winter months but either way the idea that people are unhappier in the winter is real.

The reasons for our increased unhappiness begin with our level of vitamin D. We should all be checked and may need to take a supplement. So, if we look at all the casual factors of our unhappiness I would say, from those that I deal with, that it goes something like this.

1: Low vitamin D

2: Difficult Christmas.  This includes financial stress, social stress, bereavement, as it can be the first Christmas without someone important, relationship stress. January sees an increase in divorce applications.

3: Reactive depression. Despite our experience we believe that Christmas ‘should be’ a time of great joy and when it isn’t we can feel that we are a failure.

4: New Year. When we look forward to the year ahead many people say to me ‘oh no not again’. When we are stuck in negative cycles it can feel like the popping of corks and cries of ‘Happy New Year’ are simply taking the mick and rubbing our noses in it.

5: Then there are the New Years resolutions that we, kind of, know we will not keep. This is a form of self sabotage.

6: The post holiday slump and the fact that we have to go back to work with a general lack of motivation is depressing.

7: The weather. When the sun is shining we all feel much better. If it has been dull, overcast or wet and windy day after day we can all begin to feel down and unhappy anyway.

When people use the phrase Blue Monday they are not suggesting that this is a twenty four hour depression that you will be over on the Tuesday, they are describing the time of year and the general feeling that we all get. Blue Monday, like any other annual day is a way of focusing on it, reminding ourselves that it is normal to feel down at this time of year and giving us the opportunity to do something about it. That may include therapy, visiting the GP for the VIt D test or to get some antidepressants, getting some exercise or simply looking after ourselves such as dry January, we know that alcohol is a depressant.

Actually I am not so sure about January, I think that often February brings out the worst depression in people. In the dim distant past when I worked as a performing musician and singer in clubs and bars I found that the flattest most depressing months were first November, when the clocks had gone back and people were saving for Christmas. Then second, especially if it had been a dull overcast winter, February brought out the most miserable, moaning and depressive behaviour in people.

There was a Japanese study in 2009 that indicated that the most likely day for suicide in men of all ages is on a Monday. With the many suicides that I have dealt with over the years, I could not say Monday was any different to any other day. I do note however that, rather than the early hours of the morning, which I thought would have been the obvious time, most people have taken their lives in the afternoon between 3 and 6. Many people have a low ebb at this time of day and struggle to keep going. In the Mediterranean this problem was helped by having a siesta, and having a good afternoon nap.

If we can accept that everyone gets flatter in the darker months than in the lighter months, then the next step is being responsible for it and doing something about it. Make sure you are fit and healthy. Do things that make you feel good. Maybe Sky Holidays are right and it should be this time of year that you head off for your annual holiday in the sun so that you can get a brain boost and more serotonin when you need it.

Take care

Sean x

 

Look after yourself and if you do feel down please talk and seek support from your GP. Below are the details of other services and organisations who can offer help & support.

Samaritans 116 123 – samaritans.org

Calm (for men) 0800 58 58 58 – thecalmzone.net

Rethink Mental illness (for practical advice on therapy, medications, money, your rights under the mental health act) 0300 50 00 927 rethink.org

Befrienders – for support outside of the UK – befrienders.org

Papyrus (prevention of young suicide) 0800 068 41 41 – papyrus-uk.org

Mind 0300 12 33 393 – mind.org.uk

Sane 0300 304 7000 – sane.org.uk

Shout uk – crisis support in the UK – text SHOUT to 85258 – giveusashout.org

Fractured Families

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This week the British Royal Family went public on the apparent rift that exists between Harry and Meghan and the rest of the family. Whatever the realities of what it really going on there appears to be a fracture in the fratricidal of the family. I guess the same would have been true when Charles and Diana split, or the more recent issues with Andrew. When it comes down to it they are simply a family trying to work things through. So, join the club, we are all doing the same thing. I do not know, and have never known, any family that has not at some time has issues to deal with.

The Royals have brought people in from out side, Diana, Fergie, Kate and Meghan, and attempted to create a “Blended Family”. They have then tried to back track and make it work in reality for the new comers. To date, in three of the four cases it seems that they were not able to make this happen. Charlie’s and Diana, Andrew and Fergie had to divorce and now Harry and Meghan are seeking to renegotiate their royal roles and connections.

When our kids get married we inherit an extended family. We have no choice over who they are and we either have to accept them or not. Do we lose a son or gain a daughter, or the other way around.

I deal with couples and families and their attendant issues and problems. Over and over again I see that it is never what happens in the family that is the issue it is how they respond to it and deal with it that counts. When counselling couples and family therapy this raises the issues of tolerance and compromise. It is unlikely that we will really be able to change the other people in our family. All that we can really do is change ourself.

Family support is not now as it was. We live in a world where families no longer stay together as they once did. The time when people remained living close to each other or even in the same dwelling have long since gone. We choose to live in smaller nuclear units that often comprise of a couple and two kids that live a long way from other relatives. This can put both stress and strain the family bonds that once held our society together. As the informal stress management function of the extended family has diminished we have seen a rise in the mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. This is especially true with children who once had grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings that they could use to talk problems through. These day many of us have to go to the GP and book to see a therapist or counsellor.

Being both a parent or a partner is not an easy job unless of course we can learn to bend a little. Families work well when they talk and communicate together in a civil manner. Not forgetting that the most important part of communication is listening not transmitting. This is followed by acceptance, tolerance and good old compromise. Those three things alone would solve most of the world problems at every level from families to countries.

I assume that this will also be true for the Royal Family as they attempt to resolve their current problems. If they do, they will have negotiated what will happen next in a way that works for all of them. If they are not able to do this then the fracture will deepen. This is no different to any family. I wish them luck.

Take care and be happy

Sean x