Archive for year: 2021

As we move towards winter our diets tend to change and the level of carbs that we will be eating almost certainly will increase. We call this comfort eating.

Food and mood is a fascinating subject. In current times the drive for our diet to become plant based or vegan seems to be everywhere. Many people, that I know, consume animal flesh without making to connection between what is on their plate and what is running a round in a field. For there is the need, often verging on agitation, to not damage another living soul in any way. It leaves me wondering why we each decide to each what we do?

It has been known throughout time that food and mood go together. Foods have been used to enhance energy, intelligence, healing and for aphrodisiac properties. The thing that is never clear is, when food is associated with mood, are the moods the result of the food eaten, or if it is the mood that leads us to be attracted to certain foods in the first place!

When I was a child my parents told me that “fat people were always happy and jolly”, and I could see the truth of that, Mrs Pye, a very large lady who ,live across the road, was indeed always laughing. Then at other times I was also told that people who were always happy were stupid because, according to my parents, life was supposed to be hard, and life was supposed to be earnest. As a good Christian, of Irish decent, my mother taught me that “every one has their cross to bear”, that everyone had their difficulties to face and overcome. I grew up with believing that, in life, we were not supposed to have a good time and that it was supposed to be difficult, and that in some strange way, living with difficulty was the sign of the pure life. So, in many ways the more miserable that you were then the better person you must be. Mad or what?

This created confusion in me. In my mind it followed that if big people were happy they must also be stupid. It also followed that they had no reason to be unhappy because they were not carrying any crosses in life. On the contrary, it seemed to me that big people had every reason to be happy, while skinny people had every reason to be unhappy because of all their crosses that were weighing them down.

To top it all I was very skinny, therefore, in my mind, I was supposed to be unhappy, and I was. I accepted it as the natural order of my life. My dilemma was, if I ate too much I would be fat and stupid or else I would be thin and miserable. As I was thin I accepted that I would always be miserable, and I was.

Obviously with age and experience I now know that this was all nonsense, though at the time it seemed all very real. I say nonsense but well, it is, but not quite. We now know that food and mood do go together. When we eat carbohydrates our brain secretes serotonin, the happy hormone. Comfort foods are exactly that. Eating carbohydrates for comfort is really self medication.

In psychotherapy we now identify the ‘carbohydrate cycle’. This means that as a response to feeling depressed and down, many people will go and eat lots of carbohydrates to get the feeling of comfort. The result of this is that they put on weight. They then go to the mirror and feel bad at the weight they have put on leading them to eat more carbohydrates to make them self feel better.

The self medication with carbohydrates is only one way to increase serotonin. The most obvious route is through medication is antidepressants. However the best way to increase serotonin and feel better is through exercise or by simply having fun. If your heart beats faster for twenty minutes your brain will secrete more serotonin that will make you feel so much better. It makes me realise how much our life-style works against us feeling good. Our, hunter gatherer, ancestors would jog a few mile everyday collecting food and going about their business, and in the process maintain good levels of endorphins, happy hormones. We, on the other hand, live sedentary life styles that create very little of the hormones that we really need.

The question remains, are we the result of what we eat or are we attracted to certain foods because of who we are? There’s certainly a relationship between what we eat and how we feel. If you eat light easy to digest foods you will a light and have an easy mind, the food reflects your mood. If you eat reheated meat pie and chips you will have a mind that reflects heavy stodgy fat food.

It strikes me that in a normal situation we would naturally east what our body needed. However, many people exact with their mind not their body. They are eating what they think they should eat and not what their body is asking for. When I was young I lived in many communities that we solid vegetarian. Well, they were until a visitor would coma and start cooking bacon. Suddenly people began to appear in the kitchen attracted by the smell.

Some people are naturally in touch with their body and eat what is appropriate for them. Some are more in touch with their mind and eat what they thing they should eat. While others have to eat whatever they can get and do not have a choice. I tend toward the Mediterranean diet and I love olives, tomatoes and pasta which is a powerful carb and certainly does make me feel good. A glass of red wine with the pasta goes down a treat.

So what are you having for tea? Does it make you feel happy? If not perhaps you might need to change your diet, or go for a run. Is your diet based around what you think you should eat or what you really enjoy eating?

Take care and enjoy your food.

Sean x

Okay, so as we are trying to return society to normal, take our masks off and get back to work how do you feel about it. Of the people that I work with there are those that will never be vaccinated come what may and don’t care about wearing masks or who they mix with right through to those that will be wearing a mask in any public setting for years to come. I decided to get vaccinated and as I have had the virus as well I assume that I am pretty well protected. However, I do still wear a mask and feel a bit avoidant of those that have chosen not to be vaccinated. Is it okay to treat the vaccinated and unvaccinated in the same way? 

Should us, the vaccinated, allow those that refuse to have the Covid vaccine to access the same events as us? Does this create a two tier society of exclusions? Or is it reasonable to expect people to comply? If you are not vaccinated do you feel safe and secure attending events with vaccinated or unvaccinated people? Or do you see the vaccine as unnecessary?

The current wisdom seems to be that those who are vaccinated can still get the virus but with much reduced symptoms. Those that are not vaccinated who do get the virus are at far greater risk of serious illness and even of death. Considering the currently known and the likely unknown future variants the risk gets ever greater.

Talking with people moving back to the workplace the vaccination issue is, in many cases, having an effect there. I hear some people insisting that they will not share an office, attend meetings or go for lunch or dinner with someone who has not been vaccinated. I have also spoken with people that will not allow anyone who has not been double jabbed to come to their house even if they are family. I did point out that a vaccinated person was at more risk of passing the virus on to the unvaccinated than the other way around.

It seems that in this one where we are dammed if we do and dammed if we don’t. I hear it repeated many times that those who refuse the vaccine are just being selfish in that they put others at risk. Should we be taking the vaccine to protect our self or to protect others?

Take a look at how many people on public transport or in shops are no longer wearing masks. There is still a strong recommendation that we wear a mask on public transport, in a shop or when we enter or leave a cafe/restaurant/pub to minimise the risk of passing the virus on to the unvaccinated people! 

So should we wear a mask? Just looking around it seems that a high proportion of people are choosing not to. It seems that many of these non mask wearers have also chosen not to be vaccinated. Yet it is these people that are at the highest risk from the virus not the vaccinated.

It is easy, after all this time of Covid restriction, to become Covid blind and just give up on all the protections and procedures. I am as fed up with it all as everyone else though for me it is important that we not minimise the current and future risks and effects of Covid. It will be with us for sometime yet and we do need to continue to protect ourselves and others. 

A part from recovering medically we need to recover socially. We need to get back to being the group animals that we truly are. The sad thing is that if we were to exclude all of the unvaccinated from social events we will only extend the social recovery time for the whole of community. We might all be in danger of losing contact with friends and family perhaps forever.

It is important to recognise that the many people who have an annual flu vaccine are still happy to mix with people who are not vaccinated. I do not see people considering and worrying about the consequences of this. We simply see it as a choice, flu jab or not? Perhaps we now need to see Covid in the same way. Covid jab or not? In the end who is at the most risk?

It has to be that those at most risk of Covid are the non vaccinated or those that are choosing not to take the second jab. Those that are vaccinated may become infected with the virus though they will probably only have mild symptoms. It is the unvaccinated who remain at the highest risk.

I suspect that this will an ongoing issue that may last for years. Will the vaccinated allow the unvaccinated to attend events? This might include all social and family events from weddings to funeral services. The effects on travel will remain for a long time to come. Should we have a covid passport to allow us to travel or attend concerts and sports events? We have some serious decisions to make to avoid a divided society.

For me I choose to be vaccinated to protect my family and the client group that I work with. I had the virus before I was vaccinated and apart from some long term lung issues I have survived it okay. However, I do know of many people who did not. For me the choice is yours and hopefully if you choose not to be vaccinated and do contract Covid your symptoms will be mild. 

Take care and be happy

Sean x

Performative wellness and performative success occur when someone becomes more concerned with presenting an idealised version of themselves rather than being honest about who they really are. 

Ref: https://www.rhodescollege.ca/3-tips-helping-clients-avoid-performative-wellness-become-wellness-counsellor/ 

The concept of wellness, living well and achieving success has, in someways, become a fashion that was started by books like “The Secrete”. We only have to look at social media to see people that we know who are not having a good time presenting themselves and their lives like everything is wonderful.

Are you being the real you or a performative you?

The perceived benefits of a wellness, success or a business routine can leave people being embarrassed to simply be themselves. As in, it is not who you are but how you look that counts. It seems that being who we are is no longer good enough. The Botox, fillers and cosmetic surgery are a testament to that. If we get to the point where we no longer look like who we really are or act like who we really are how do we even know who we are? If the way we present ourself or our clothes or our house in the way that we believe other people will value us, do they ever know who are we really?

Over lock down I have been really surprised at how many people, when using Zoom etc, use filters to improve their complexion rather than just being who they are. People tell me that it is the problem of continually looking at their own face on a screen that makes them feel as though they are not good enough. In everyday face to face conversations we are focussed on the other persons face not on our own.

I have also be surprised at how many people now use video back grounds to make their home setting look better than it is. They tell me the same thing that after looking at their old furniture or worn out kitchen they want to present a better looking home when on video. So with the filters and the backgrounds people are not really being themselves. It come as a real shock when we finally meet people face to face. In Psycho-speak these performative issues often come down to what is described as ‘performance anxiety’. This is often simply concerned with the fear of ‘am I good enough?’ 

Social media has a lot to answer for in this regard. It can take a toll on anyone’s resolve.  Many people have used social media for support and connection. Over the pandemic people’s reliance of social media has increased. Sadly at the same time so have levels of anxiety as people try to look and act like everything is wonderful and okay. 

Perhaps, for many, this would be a good time to take a break from social media.

I was thinking a lot about how we compare ourselves to others. As a people watcher I am fascinated by people’s need to mimic and copy others behaviours. Even as a yoga teacher I have watched many students doing their postures with one eye on the person next to them to check if they were doing it as well as them or if they could stretch further. I have even had to say to some classes that yoga is not a competition, there are no winners, this is about you, your body, mind and soul.

As you get dressed in the morning, do your make up or your hair ask yourself ‘who am I doing this for?’ Is this you being you or are you doing it to effect they way that people see you? Everything in life can be a performance from walking and dancing to making love, to ordering and eating a meal to the way that we drink our wine. 

When you stop performing you start being. 

In mindfulness we learn the ‘be’ in the moment and to ‘be’ in the moment with ourself. 

Be here now, be you and be happy.

Take care

Sean x

After the last two podcasts I have had a few people tell me that after getting into meditation and also doing the Dr Dolittle talking to animals exercise that they had had some insights about there need to change there work roles and in one case their entire life. This then turned into conversations about goal setting and decisions about setting the goals. Normally the traditional time for making life altering decisions is New Year. I guess that for many coming out of the Covid restrictions is like a New Year of maybe a new life.

• Do you have a goal in life?
• If you do has it changed or altered because of Covid?
• If you do have a goal how did you decide on it or discover it?
• If you don’t have a goal would you like to have one?

For many people their new life goal seems to be about being able to leave a legacy to the next generation. That might be because they want a lasting memorial and don’t want to be forgotten. While some want to ensure that their kids get the best that they can give them. I guess that all goals are worthy as long as they don’t hurt others. Through, it helps to make the game of life and your goals fun.

My goal is that I want to arrive at the end of my life with a smile on my face, I think that is  a good goal. I recon that if I am smiling at the end it would suggest that the journey has been pretty good, and that is the point. Goals are all ok but if we only focus on the end point we can so easily miss the enjoyment of the journey.

A goal is, by definition, the end of a journey. It could be that from that ending  could be other new beginnings and new goals to aim at.  But, any goal that we are aiming at is an end point, a conclusion. And yet the goal itself may represent only the smallest part of the journey. It is the journey that is the bulk of the experience that is what really counts.

So why have a goal at all?

For me a goals are good. They give purpose to the experience of being alive. So I will have a goal for the day. It may that my goal is to do nothing, but then to actively do nothing is actually doing something, if you see what I mean. Goal setting does not mean that we have to engage in endless activity. It may be that we are aiming at doing and working less and chilling out more and learning to relax better.

Often I will see every day as this blank cheque of time. We each have 1440 minutes in the next 24 hours all to be spent however we wish – wonderful. I try to split my day into segments there is the small pre breakfast segment that is a good time to go running, do yoga or meditate. The morning segment takes me through to lunch time, the afternoon segment through to tea time, the evening segment and then the night at bed time. I often set myself mini goals to achieve in the different segments of the day. It can be good to have an agenda or a list.

Goals can be bigger events. I have week goals, month goals, year goals and so on. These are not things that are written in stone they are things I would like to achieve or get done. If I miss the deadlines or decide to dump or change a goal that is fine by me. It is all a part of the game of life and, for me, it has to be fun.

Often a goal, once set, happens in a time line. The time line defines the process and the sequence of achievements that lead to the ultimate goal. If you think of a goal as a chain that is spread from the present moment to the point that you wish to get to, then the chain is composed of links. Each link is a step in the journey to the goal. If the goal is the top of the mountain then the journey is the chain. Each step that we take is a link in the chain. If we achieve all the links the we complete the chain.

Why set goals?

Human beings are energised and motivated by having something to achieve. There is enough evidence in medicine and neuropsychology to confirm that those of us that carryon learning throughout life, however old we get, stay younger and fitter for longer. Those that do not have goals and become static with no motivation go into decline and they get older quicker. Goals create purpose direction and meaning in life, without goals life can become meaningless. 

A goal can be big or small

Be happy, set goals. Remember that New Year will soon be here. Now, there’s a good time to set some new goals.

Take care

Sean x