Archive for year: 2021

The theme of this year’s World Mental Health Day, October 10^th, is ‘Mental health in an unequal world’. Equality comes when we all show each other the respect that we deserve or as I like to say…

If we all look after each other we will all be okay!

When look at mental health it is important to acknowledge that normal does not exists. In that sense we are all bonkers, just different kinds of bonkers and when we struggling it is okay to admit it and talk about it.

I think that it must be another sign of the effects of Covid but I keep talking to people who are telling me that they are having a midlife crisis. The thing is that the symptoms that they are describing are very like the effects of long Covid. Now, it could be that covid is having an effect or it could be that the general state of the world it taking it’s toll on us all. Then again it could that people are in a midlife crisis.

What on earth is a midlife crisis? What is midlife come to that?

Well, when it comes to timings, in theory at least, the midlife crisis has to be happening later these days as we are living longer. In previous generations people were lucky to live to 60 which would mean that their 30s would have been midlife. Now as we are all moving towards living to the magic 100 the 50s and 60s have become the new 30. In psychotherapy we are now suggesting that the people are about 20 years younger than the previous generations. That is, people at 60 are doing what their parents were still doing at 40. I guess the timing of a midlife crisis is a moveable feast. 

Midlife crisis is a term first coined by Elliott Jaques he suggested that it occurred somewhere between the forties to early sixties. He looked it as being points, or periods of change and transition in life. However, there seems to be little evidence that the midlife crisis in in any way a universal phenomenon and seems more to do with the industrialised and urbanised western culture rather than the agricultural societies of Africa and Asia.

I have a theory that is born out of developmental psychology in the school of analytical psychotherapy. It is this…

… at around the age 3 to 4 most of us have set our gender role and identity. By this age we understand the concepts of male, female, mother, father, brother, sister and so on and we understand where we fit into these patterns. We also have developed internal working models, or inner concepts, that enable us to make sense of our percepts, or what we perceive to be out there. A concept is like a box full of information that explains things. So in the mother box will be all the information that we have gathered about what a mother is. So, when we see those things ‘out there’ we know what they are. We have concept boxes for all things, people, roles, talents etc.

I guess it is fairly obvious that if the things that end up in the concept boxes where mixed up we may have some odd ideas. Let’s say that when we were gathering information about mothers, to fill our mother concept box, our mother was always beating us with a stick, then we are unlikely to be able perceive that woman out there is a mother unless she is carrying a stick and beating people with it. It also follows that when we grow and become a mother we might feel that beating people with sticks is a part of the deal that we have to do to be a real mother. Anyway, I digress.

After our basic concepts have been established at around the age of 4 we enter what is termed the ‘latent’ period. This is where our focus moves from being self centred to attempting build and understand relationships. This phase is also termed ‘socialisation’. It is not until we reach adolescence that the early concepts gathered at 4 years are re-examined, re-evaluated and, if required, re-built.

It is in adolescence that we challenge all the basis assumptions that we took on early in life. This also means challenging the beliefs of our society, religion, culture, family and so on. Often this includes experimentation with various version of ourself until we find one that feels comfortable that we can own into adult life. Growing your hair down to your knees, or dying it green, or hanging your face with cutlery, or getting tattooed, travelling experiencing and experimenting are all a part of the adolescent phase. It seems to me that those people who don’t go through the rebellion of adolescence, those that do not question the current order and challenge their early concepts are vulnerable to a mid life crisis.

When people have a mid life crisis, go ‘off the rails’ or ‘lose the plot’ or do something completely out of character are now doing the things that they would normally have done in adolescence. Their behaviour often appears out of place belonging in adolescence not in middle age. We can all be vulnerable to midlife crisis because we all, or at least most of us, failed to do all that we could have done in the adolescent phase. There is the added issues that the current circumstances may be such that we feel the need to regress to adolescence in order to deal with and survive the issues.

I am using as my resource for this podcast an article from the Telegraph ‘The six signs that you could be suffering from a midlife mental crisis’. Not too sure about the word ‘mental’ in this context. It is probably better to use the word emotional. Anyway, the six symptoms or signs identifies are…

1: Two or more weeks of low mood

2: Tearfulness

3: Irritability

4: Sense of hopelessness

5: Memory loss

6: Problems sleeping

As I said all of the above have been reported to me as symptoms of long covid. But if it isn’t long covid how can we avoid the midlife crisis?

Avoiding a midlife crisis

Most people that I see who are in a midlife crisis are those feeling stuck in their current way if life or circumstances. They are seeking change, a relief from the present issues and are looking a foe new or enlightening experience. The mother when the last child leaves home. The man in his mid fifties who still have a mortgage to pay and children at Uni who need supporting. Doing the same job for years has become Groundhog Day and you feel that you have had enough. Often it is those who have had enough, that have run out of steam, motivation and energy often driven by frustration. Over all they need some fun, excitement and new experience.

To avoid the midlife crisis make sure that you are enjoying life and experiencing new things and having some fun. When we learn to express ourself and if we are enjoying who we are and where we are, then the need to do something drastically different tends not to happen. And, if it does we can do it cooperatively with our partner, family or friends.

The trick is be happy and have fun

Sean x

I couldn’t let this one pass. Last week Ed and family acquired a lovely little dog call Cooper. I think we should insert a picture here Ed. I know that Cooper is and will be loved, you just have to see the look in Ed’s eyes when he is talking about him, a real positive addition to the family. Dogs really can be man’s best friend. Sadly man is not always a dogs best friend.

So many people have dogs as companions and friends and there are many help and support dogs. I have clients who have hearing dogs to help with their deafness, seeing dogs to help with blindness and even seizures dogs who can tell their owner that they are about to have a fit before they realise it so that they can get to a place of safety. All animals are wonderful though dogs have lived with us throughout most of our evolution and have a special place in our hearts.

One day I was running with my trainer Conrad. As we ran down the road I notice a brown dog ahead of us. She saw us coming and stopped to allow us to catch up with her. As we passed Conrad and I both naturally greeted her and she fell into step running between us. She seemed a perfectly nice and happy person very comfortably joining in with us. It led me to wonder what was it that was going in her mind. Did she feel that she had joined the pack? Was this the natural instinct of a pack animal off for the hunt? Perhaps she thought ‘two mad humans here running around, I wonder where they are going? I’ll go with them and see’, perhaps she thought, or didn’t, think of anything that I, as a human, could conceive or even begin to understand.  I wonder does Cooper now feel that he is a part of Ed’s pack or even that he a little human?

We often treat animals anthropomorphically, just as I did with the brown dog, and we project our own feelings onto them and assume that we know what it is that they are feeling or thinking. The worst thing that I ever hear is when a human projects a lack of feeling and emotion onto an animal in an assumption that the animal has no feelings at all. Fishermen tell me that when they stick a hook through the mouth of a fish, and pull it by the line from the water into the air, something that is suffocating for the fish, that the fish doesn’t feel a thing ‘because they are cold blooded’. Interesting thinks I.

I find it strange that we divide up the animal kingdom into different emotional categories to suit our human selfishness. 

Nature

There are those animals that live in the wild that we cam admire. These might include primates, the large cats, lizards, birds, elephants, rhinos, zebras and so on. We humans make documentaries about them and wonder at their life styles and antics, their social connections and disputes and their various mating rituals and habits. Over all we love them and pay a lot of money to go and see them in the wild or in the captivity of zoos and parks.

Vermin

Vermin are those animals that we as humans have decided have no use for us, not even as objects in documentaries. Those that we decide should be removed from the planet. So we trap them poison them and kill them in any way that we can. For householders these might include rats, mice, spiders, ants and so on. Non householders might include the coypu, mink, snakes, foxes, badgers, crows, magpies and so on.

Food

The animal group that we have defined as food, that is they are there for us to eat, varies from one country to the next and we can all share our disgust at each other’s habits. When a country eats frogs, dogs, or horses Brits can become very angry or disgusted. A while ago horse meat was found in British mincemeat which upset a lot of people, yet the French will happily take our horses from Dartmoor and Exmoor for their dinner table while we will take their cows for ours. The staple meat diets of the western world has been cattle, sheep and pigs plus the occasional goat. We will eat chickens and ducks but will be disgusted by those that eat song birds. We make the distinction between Kentucky Fried Chicken and Kentucky Fried Rat, though they would probably taste and feel very similar once the spices had been added to the coating. For some rabbits are simply four legged chicken while for others they are cuddly bunnies and venison may be seen as strong beef or the murder of Bambi.

Fashion

If you wear a leather pair of shoes or a leather belt you are wearing an animal for fashion. The reality is that there are many alternatives to leather but if you eat the meat I guess that you might as well wear the skin. However, this does not seem to hold true in the case of fur. Would a fur coat be more acceptable if we ate the meat as well as wearing the skin? The British army has spent generations wearing bear skin hats, I doubt  that they ever ate the meat. 

Pets

Pets are animals that we assume like to be with us. We use animals without really understanding what it is that they want or need. Before a horse allows a rider to sit on it’s back it has to be ‘broken’. This means that it’s will to resist, and simply be a horse, is stripped away from it until it will tolerate the rider and respond to being directed by a piece of metal in their mouth, often kicked in the sides and being beaten with whip. We put birds in cages to prevent them from doing what is natural for them, flying. We take the doggie-ness away from a dog until it believes that is a part of our human pack.

The symbiotic connections

We hear stories of the dolphin who appeared in the sea and held a human up in the water until help arrived or they had taken them to the shallows so that they could then stand. There are those moments when an animal and a human just connect. Many dogs do have a symbiotic relationship with a human being. Their intuitive connection allows them to know and understand the humans feelings and to respond in a sensitive manner. This may also include bereavement at the loss or death of a human that they are close to. We see this as a wonderful example of how a dog can have deep feelings for a human. Perhaps we should realise that this is how dogs live in their normal situation and that the deep emotion that we see, and assume are for us, are really the emotional power that keeps the pack together. Just as dogs belong in packs, horses belong in herds and were never designed to live on their own or with just a few other horses or human beings. 

Unless an animal comes to you willingly, just like the dog who chose to run with Conrad and me for a while, are we simply interfering in it’s naturalness to make it be what we want it to be.

I often see pets who are not experiencing joy, the joy of pets is all on the part of the human who ‘owns’ and ‘controls’ them. As I sit in my studio I often hear two dogs in the gardens around me. One is very unhappy and cries a lot at being abandoned by it’s human owners. The other howls in a desperate attempt to call to other dogs as though it is playing out some strange memory of the pack. As it howls other dogs, even distantly, respond and on the air they have a conversation that I will never understand but I keep hearing the plaintive cry of ‘tell me I am not alone’. Perhaps I should call this ‘Howling Dog Studios’.

I am sure tha Cooper will have a happy life where he will be loved and be able to love his new family. I keep saying it but…

If we all look after each other we will all be okay… 

…in the ‘all’ I would include all animals be they food, pets or vermin.

If you have pets, eat meat or wear skins have a think about the joy of pets and other animals. Is the joy one sided? Is it all played out for the good of human beings? Do the animals have feelings and if they do are we responding to them?

Food for thought!

Take care and be happy

Sean X

“Here we go again” – it is detox time.  

At the change of the seasons it is my custom to detox. At both spring and autumn are the times for a clean out.  Many people get into the idea of ‘spring cleaning’, well I like an autumn clean as well.  I have been doing it since I lived the ashram when I was a young man. Often as a yoga/meditation teacher students would join for the clean out. These days each year I invite all those around me to have a go.  So, if you are game for a laugh go to liveinthepresent.co.uk and download the thirteen day detox.

The first question people tend to ask me is “why do you want to detox?” For many the idea of spending a couple of weeks on a restricted diet can be scary and even seem impossible. The first time it is a bit strange as we are learning but after that it is easy. And, you will feel so much better for it.

Using the thirteen day detox program you sequentially exclude food over a week leaving you with three magic days when you can really flush you system.  These three days will vary in intensity depending on your experience, needs and commitment.  It might just be three days on fruit.  It could be three days on fruit juice.  Or, you might go for a day on fruit juice, and day on honey, water and lemon, then another day on fruit juice as you work your way back up again onto you full diet. With a spring detox she it is warm I might stay of just the water for a few days. In the autumn it is harder as we need to keep warm and our diet helps us with that.

Across the world people use fasting for both physical and spiritual reasons. In Ramadan Muslims fast throughout the ideas of day light. For Hindu and Sheik communities it is common. In Buddhist and mindfulness communities it is seen as a strong discipline just like meditation. For Christians the fasting or limitations on the Lent period the same. However, in the modern age there is a lot of evidence that that fasting or calorie limiting is good for the body and is a part of our hunter gatherer heritage. Michael Mosley developed the five two diet which is similar.

Even so, for many people, in the west at least, the idea of going without food is scary, and potentially undoable.  Yet many people in the world will go without food for several days a week or be living on a severely limited diet.  A detox is much more than a physical thing.  It is also a time when we can clear our mind and make decisions about, life or lifestyle, that enable us to grow and develop as people.

I will be starting my Autumn detox on the week beginning in the week of September 27th.  Many people use the detox when they are seeking changing their relationship with food, alcohol, nicotine and other substances or behaviours.  A detox is the perfect opportunity to get your life back on track, to set new goals and to consider what it is that you really do want from life. It also gives us time to consider what it is that need to do to make it happen. I find it is like drawing a line on what has gone before and creating a new beginning.

You can download the detox from the liveinthepresent.co.uk website. If you have questions about it drop me an email.

I do say in the program that you need to be aware of your own health situation and I always suggest that if you are unsure then you should run the program by your doctor before you are it on to get the go ahead.

Take care and happy autumn cleaning 

Sean x