TSHP521: New Life & Grandparenting

What’s Coming This Episode?

Sean has some news – a grandchild has arrived for him and his family! Very exciting news… but it’s an important job with important responsibilities. Let’s have a chat about how to make the most of this potentially fantastic period of our lives.

Enjoy the show, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

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TSHP520: Getting out of your comfort zone

What’s Coming This Episode?

Today we’re talking about getting out of your comfort zone and meeting people! We were inspired by a story on The Good News Network. Have a listen and let us know your thoughts.

Enjoy the show, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

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TSHP519: How useful is anger?

What’s Coming This Episode?

We have just seen the attempted assassination of Donald Trump followed by an appeal by President Biden for the population to come together and accept disagreement with out seeing it as a threat. It is okay to disagree with other people. It does not need to lead to violence, war and death. Now we see violence on the streets of the UK!

We often see anger as a negative force. Though it can be a very creative and useful force.

Enjoy the show, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

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Anger can be a useful emotion

We have just seen the attempted assassination of Donald Trump followed by an appeal by President Biden for the population to come together and accept disagreement with out seeing it as a threat. It is okay to disagree with other people. It does not need to lead to violence, war and death. 

We often see anger as a negative force. Though it can be a very creative and useful force. When our anger is stuck out the front of us it is in the way. It becomes a battering ram that bashes into other people and becomes destructive. When it is behind us it can be used as a power pack that positively can be a dynamic force that drives us forward and gets things done.

Preparing this podcast I was thinking a lot about how anger can effect each of us. Anger is really just another emotion, it is an energy. However anger is either a productive energy or a destructive energy. Anger can be described with other words such a passion, determination, assertion, drive, irritation, exasperation, vexation, indignation, displeasure, chagrin, aggravation and so on. Though in the extreme anger can sometimes it can tip over into aggression or even violence. 

When we have an anger response to a situation or event we are usually just reacting. Generally reactions are mindless. When we respond rather than react we think about what we are doing before we do it. 

Reactions are mindless where as responses are mindful. 

When we are mindful we realise that it is not what happens to us but it is how we deal with it that makes the difference. It will make it either good or bad. Simply it is the way that we see it. As Epicticus put it…

…we are not in the least effected by events, 

we are effected by our response to those events…

Each day throughout life we are surrounded by difficult news and experiences. As I write this there are huge flood and deaths across Europe. For many people there will be a reaction to these events that will be anger. The same is true for Covid and it’s effects. The world can sometimes seem to be a troubled place. I guess that we could say that the world is always a troubled place but somehow it can seem to be getting a bit worse. Anger and angry reactions seem to be all around us.

For me the reality of Brexit is coming to pass and I don’t like that and it could get more difficult yet. We have destabilisation across the globe and I don’t like that. Then we have North Korea off again producing missiles and winding up the anger of the USA, I don’t like that. Putin…I could go on. It seems like there might be quite a lot to let go of over in the coming months and years

Difficult events in the world can bring back a lot of really big negative reactions with many people. Thinking about this took me back to the Manchester bombing in 2017. At that time I had two families that were caught up in the incident. Luckily none of them were physically hurt though they had all seen people who were killed and they were showing high levels of post traumatic stress disorder PTSD. That scar of these events will remain with many people for such a long time. Yet after this event, amongst all the potential for hatred and retribution there came the love and forgiveness of a collective acceptance and forgiveness in concert of those refusing to be cowed by the terrorism. In a deeply emotional experience Oasis sang…

…don’t look back in anger…  

There are no words more appropriate to this event and to our lives.  

We all look back on life, we have a choice of looking at it positively or negatively. We have a mindful choice, do we ruminate and feed the negative events of life with our anger and allow the negativities to grow in our mind and our emotions? There is another option in life that is to feed the positive events of life with our love, ruminate on those and allow them to grow positively in our mind and our emotions.

Just after I started doing this podcast and blog there has been the shooting of a journalist in the Netherlands. On top of that is the apparent growing knife crime here in the UK with several people being killed each week. Every news broadcast tells us things to be angry about. If we are to move on from our anger about any events whatever they are we need to let them go. In general this is termed forgiveness and that idea makes many people feel angry. “Why should I forgive those people after what the did?”

Forgiveness and letting go

We need to let go of whatever is holding us back, of those things that keep us stuck in the past. These negative emotional attachments to unresolved events limit our ability to move forward, they stunt our creativity and weigh us down. To let go, to forgo, to forgive allows us to move forward unencumbered into the rest of our lives. 

Just as in the Step One, from the Live In The Present course and book, we need to let go of all our negative attachments right back to the moment of our birth. Holding onto negative past is a choice, though we may not realise it. In mindfulness we can choose to be different, to let go and enjoy this wonderful thing called life. If you haven’t already done so then visit step one on the website and complete the exercise focussing on any negativity that you are holding and let it go. That mindful journey begins right here, right now. the option is to let go of your negative emotions and attachments and embrace your positive future.

Whatever your faith, religion, ethnicity, nationality, orientation, or beliefs enjoy this moment. As we move into this strange post Brexit, post Covid world we all need to be as positive as we can possibly be with each other. We will be tested and we will need to let go of negative anger and look after each other.

Take care and have a fabulous life and look after each other.

Sean X

THSP518: Truth & Lies

What’s Coming This Episode?

George Orwell, author of Animal Farm, described a political landscape that I am starting to see developing all around me. I see laws and rules being created only then to see them not being followed or totally ignored by those people who created them in the first place. The obvious was the fiasco of Dominic Cummings and the Barnard Castle affair and the Party Gate nonsense.

Enjoy the show, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

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Truth & Lies

“Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable”

George Orwell

George Orwell, author of Animal Farm, described a political landscape that I am starting to see developing all around me. I see laws and rules being created only then to see them not being  followed or totally ignored by those people who created them in the first place. The obvious was the fiasco of Dominic Cummings and the Barnard Castle affair and the Part Gate nonsense.

‘All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others’

In the Orwell story the pigs are the political leaders of the farm community, a bit unfair to pigs but I get her point. The leaders start off by staying that all the animals on the farm are equal. Over time, as the leaders fail to uphold the very rules that they had created they decided to change it slightly. So now, ‘some’, being them, were more equal than others.

Today I have been listening to a business person who is incandescent with rage with our leaders. This is because the restriction rules, that have not ever applied to any of them, are now to be further extended. This is now seen as their intention all along and that they are all a ‘bunch of lying bleep bleeps’. This person who I have previously seen as a mild mannered person is now on the edge of direct action and sounding almost mutinous. Then they quoted Harv Eker at me. Harv Eker is the author of the millionaire mind which is both a course and a book enabling people to reach their desired potential.

‘No one ever changed the world by watching X Factor’

Harv Eker,  famously said this quote. In reality I suspect that no one ever did anything while watching X Factor. Marx once said that religion was the opiate of the people, the thing that kept them quiet and in their place. I suspect that religion has now been overtaken by the various forms of media that fill our lives and often have the effect of stopping us doing things and being creative.

How many hours do we spend each week doing nothing other that being intoxicated by the media on our phones, tablets and televisions?  Often we watch other people, that the media present to us as icons of success, many of us watch and wish that we were  famous or as rich as them. Yet when we are watching them on the media we are not doing the things that would give us the very things that we desire. If religion once served to keep us, the people, quiet acquiescent and in order then has television and the media now have taken the place of religion as the social drug that numbs the senses of the public so that most of us do very little and just accept our lot?  

The business person that I was talking to was saying that most people have become an apathetic bunch of yes people who now just do what we are told and never question anything. Least of all the team of politicians left or right. Are we just changing one version of apathy for another?

In a very real way the world is changing. The climate is changing. Economically and politically things are changing. With another new variant of Covid things continue to changing.

The only constant thing in life is change 

Heraclitus

The universe that we inhabit is subject to constant the change. We can call it evolution or decay but nothing ever stays the same. However, most change is gradual. Occasionally change is sudden abrupt and intense.

The person who has been sharing their frustrations with me is talking about a need to actively do something about the situation. This quite shocked me because they would be seen as a pillar of the community and a part of the constant unchanging landscape of life supporting the status quo come what may. If they are getting in the mood for rebellion, then, I see society in trouble and at a much deeper level that people can imagine. Then he begins to talk about Nigel Farage as a potential saviour and I see the free world slipping further to the right and a potentially fascist mindset. 

We seem to be at a point where there is big change coming. The problem is that it only works when change happens creatively and productively and we move forward together. When change happens without a coherent plan and is imposed on us it can be destructive, devastating and difficult.

Maybe it is not quite the time to man (person)  the barricades but it might not be that far off.  As I keep saying…

If we all look after each other we will all be okay

If we don’t we maybe in a third world war. Whatever happens the issue will always be the same. We all need to survive this thing called ‘life’. Success at any level of life takes commitment and time and consistent and persistent action. If we can fine the time to be persistently and consistently kind and we might just make it. Fingers crossed.

Take care

Sean x

TSHP517: A Quick Pre/Post Election Episode

What’s Coming This Episode?

The election is here (in the UK)!!! Sean and Ed recorded a quick episode before the big day… but in the knowledge that it would likely be published after the results had been announced. Will it hold up? Will it be of any use??! Let’s find out…

Enjoy the show, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

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TSHP516: Your Brain Can Be Fooled

What’s Coming This Episode?

How do we know what we are belong told is true?

How do we know if what we believe is real?

We are all told things from the day we are born about life, other people, history and events. Politicians, teachers, religious leaders, advertisers, propagandists, to the covid doom sayers and conspiracy theorists and even our loved ones all want us to share their point of view and to believe what they tell us.

Enjoy the show, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

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Your Brain Can Be Fooled

How do we know what we are belong told is true?

How do we know if what we believe is real?

We are all told things from the day we are born about life, other people, history and events. Politicians, teachers, religious leaders, advertisers, propagandists, to the covid doom sayers and conspiracy theorists and even our loved ones all want us to share their point of view and to believe what they tell us.

Currently with wars and the climate changing we are facing so many decisions both individually and collectively that will effect the future of planet Earth. How do we know any of it is real? The story below, that I was told many years ago, makes me think about how easy it is for us to believe what we want to hear and not question it’s reality.

The Story Of Two Men

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room’s only window

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band – he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.’

The bottom line is that you don’t have to believe what you are told. Keep an open mind and consider what is it the is behind the words? Why are they being said? Don’t believe everything that you are told unless you have some evidential truth to go on.

Positive discrimination is a powerful skill.

And, by the way, it is okay to enjoy fantasy and fiction. It can be fun.

Take care

Sean x

 

TSHP515: Nature and Mental Health 

What’s Coming This Episode?

This week we are revisiting our relationship with nature and the effect that it has on our mental health and wellbeing. Finally the rain seems to have stopped and we are enjoying some sunshine. I was reminded of when I was looking out of the window of my apartment in Doha Qatar when I was working at Sidra Hospital. Below me the City was a busy place and I could see at least a thousand houses. Each house full of people, thousands of people. The roads full, sometimes gridlocked, as all these people rushed from somewhere to somewhere else. All in a frenzied dash that is, for many human beings throughout the world, normal everyday life. I was struck by the overwhelming concept of ‘just how many of us human beings are there living on this planet?’

Enjoy the show, it’s The Self Help Podcast!

Show Notes and Links

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