What Do We Do When We Get Stuck?

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Do you ever feel that despite you best intentions changing is just too difficult?

On the podcast this week Ed and I are looking at what we do when our efforts to create change are simply not working. Despite our best efforts things seem to be going wrong, nothing is falling into place. It can feel that the world is against use, despite our best efforts nothing is going right. Time to get a little determination!

Us human beings are tenacious but also stubborn. Your human MindBrain system, that we also describe as your paradigm, is formed by the habits that you have learned since the moment of your birth. Strangely many of us create, and carry on with, the worst most self damaging habits, even with the clear knowledge of the damage they are doing to us. Yet, we sometimes do anything to avoid changing.

We say things like, “better the devil that you know”.

For many of us the status quo, however horrible, is often seen as a better bet than attempting to change ourselves so that we might enjoy something better.

The things that we think about we bring about

The relentless repetition of habitual behaviours day after day, year after year, embed themselves in our inner paradigm so that we can fool ourselves into believing that…

“this is just the way I am”.

This is never true. You and everyone else are the sum total of all that you can think, feel, imagine and do. You are simply the sum total off all that habits that you have learned. You are never, and never will be, “just the way you are”…

…you are what you have learned to be.

Do you like what you have learned to be? Are you happy with how you think, with your inner feelings and the way that you live your life? If the answer is ‘no’ then it is time to change.

The problem is inertia. To change takes great effort and it can simply be easier to stay the way that we are. Sometimes we attempt change only to hit the blocks, problems and issues that we need to overcome to complete the change. Our inertia is the heavy weight of all those habits that we have learned.

Overcoming the blocks in our path demands of us that we are persistent and consistent in our efforts, or, as Winston Churchill once said…

‘…never, never,never, never, give up’

We can all change if we want to. Persistence and consistence enables us to create the new habits that are the new you, the you that you want to be.

Change is the natural flow of evolution. Change through choice allows us to evolve into what we want to become.

Enjoy who you are and enjoy who you are becoming.

Take care

Sean x

The Law of Allowing

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The Law of Allowing

In this step on the course Ed and I have been talking about the law of Allowing. This is one of the hardest steps in the Live in the Present course.

“The only thing you should be intolerant of is intolerance”
Plato

If you feel angry or disgruntled when someone with beliefs opposed to yours gets their way, if you become upset because you can’t have your way, then you are not living within the Law of allowing. When we can allow the mad people to be mad, the drug takers to be drug takers an so on we stand a better chance of changing their behaviour. When we oppose people’s behaviour we will normally make it worse and we get more of what we don’t want.

According to Emile Coue when you feel or express anger at the behaviour of others you will create more of what you would seek to eliminate.

Emile Coue’s law of reversed effort

The more we try to consciously struggle with a dominant idea the more powerful its effects become.

“When an idea imposes itself on the mind to such an extent as to give rise to a suggestion, all the conscious efforts which the subject makes in order to counteract this suggestion are not merely without the desired effect, but they actually run counter to the subject’s conscious wishes and tend to intensify the suggestion.”
(Baudouin, 1920: 116).

He elaborates by describing the law of reversed effect as exemplified by the self-antagonistic attitude of mind that says, “I would like to… but I cannot.” This notion might be seen as similar to the modern technique of “reverse psychology”, a persuasion technique which aims, paradoxically, to persuade someone to accept an idea by suggesting the opposite to them.

Is it ok to be completely tolerant of any behaviour?

Karl Popper

“The so-called paradox of freedom is the argument that freedom in the sense of absence of any constraining control must lead to very great restraint, since it makes the bully free to enslave the meek. The idea is, in a slightly different form, and with very different tendency, clearly expressed in Plato.

Less well known is the paradox of tolerance: Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them. — In this formulation, I do not imply, for instance, that we should always suppress the utterance of intolerant philosophies; as long as we can counter them by rational argument and keep them in check by public opinion, suppression would certainly be unwise. But we should claim the right to suppress them if necessary even by force; for it may easily turn out that they are not prepared to meet us on the level of rational argument, but begin by denouncing all argument; they may forbid their followers to listen to rational argument, because it is deceptive, and teach them to answer arguments by the use of their fists or pistols. We should therefore claim, in the name of tolerance, the right not to tolerate the intolerant. We should claim that any movement preaching intolerance places itself outside the law, and we should consider incitement to intolerance and persecution as criminal, in the same way as we should consider incitement to murder, or to kidnapping, or to the revival of the slave trade, as criminal.”

Karl Popper, The Open Society and Its Enemies

Of all the Universal Laws, the Law of Allowing is often the most difficult one to get our heads around. The truth is, there is freedom in allowing circumstances to be what they are and people to be who they are, whether you agree with them or not. Really. Even when it comes to poverty or war or disease.

Mother Theresa famously said that she would not attend an anti war rally, but she would attend a pro peace rally. She understood the Law of Allowing and the Law of Reversed Effort. She realised that the effect of an anti war rally would simply focus attention on ‘War’. A pro peace rally will focus attention on ‘Peace’.

This is also an internal process. When we have an internal dialogue that is self punishing when we get something wrong all we do is create more of what we don’t want.

Example
If I am using hypnosis to stop someone smoking and use the phrase “you must stop this filthy, disgusting habit right now!” the person will smoke even more. However, if I use the phrase “you will get a lot of pride and pleasure from no longer needing to smoke”, the person will stop.

To change yourself and change others you need to evoke the Law of Allowing.

Take care of yourself and treat yourself with love

Sean x

Intention

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If you have been following the steps in the book you will have let go of the past, focussed on gratitude and, come mindfully into your present.

Are you in your present?

The chances are that you may not be there yet. The work that has been laid out in the previous steps may take you some time to complete. That is not a problem. It does not matter how long it takes. What is important is that you persistently and consistently keep going. This is a theme that we return to again and again. If you are in your present, then you are now ready to begin to create your future.

Your choice and responsibility
You, hopefully, now realise that you are the total creator of all that you have experienced and all that you ever will experience. If you are still harbouring negative attachment to the past, take responsibility for it and do something about it. You may need to revisit steps one and two several or many times, until you are really clear of your negative past.

If you are finding it difficult to let go of particular events or people you may find it necessary, to go into therapy and maybe even long-term therapy. Whatever you do, let it go and enjoy your present, enjoy your life.

Beliefs
Beliefs are the building blocks of your paradigm. We all have a paradigm. Even the most positive person is manifesting their paradigm; it is simply that theirs is composed of positive, not negative, beliefs. It is so important to understand your paradigm and, perhaps, how it developed and then decide how you would like to change it. You might need to refer back to the earlier steps to be clear about what you are doing.

Intention
Intention allows you to move towards your goal. As you move into this stage you begin to tune into your desires for the future. As you do this the residue of your negative paradigm will attempt to reassert itself and hold you back. This is were you need to maintain a persistent belief in your ability to change to get where you want.

You need self-belief
Self-belief is based in your ability, and your right, to have and achieve all that you desire. Whether that is the most altruistic or the most self-centred goal, it is important and has value. The Law of Attraction is constant and will simply reflect back to you more of what you focus on. This is why it is so important that you have to let go of the past in steps one and two allowing you to move forward and not be held back.

As you work through this step be honest with yourself about your hopes, wishes and desires, think out of the box. What do you really want? Go for it.

With intention you can make you dreams become your reality.

Be happy and take care

Sean x

Be Mindful

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Step 4

In the podcast this week we have been looking at Mindfulness. In the previous steps we have focussed on letting go of the past. Mindfulness requires that we are living in the present having let go of the past and not worrying about the future. Focusing on the past leads to depression and focusing on the future leads to anxiety.

Twenty years ago Mindfulness was an odd word used by strange silent Buddhists sitting beneath Banyan trees conducting obscure meditative practices. These days mindfulness has become a part of every day psychotherapy. To be Mindful means to be aware of your self in the present. Also to be aware of the world around you, of who you are, what you are doing and the effect that it will have on other people.

To live effectively we need to be mindful and awake so that we can enjoy our existence while at the same time causing the least damage to others. Blow there are eight reasons why it might be useful to be mindful and live in the present.

1: Get Physical…
Living mindfully means enjoying your body. We each have a body. In the East the body is seen as the temple of the soul, as something that should be looked after and respected, treasured and loved. To live mindfully in your body means to treat it with respect. Keep it well serviced and exercised. Not too fat and not too thin. To eat and drink sensibly. The man who ran the London marathon aged 101 said that his health and fitness was all down to his diet…interesting.

Q: What does your body need you to do for it today?

2: Get Social…
Living mindfully means making positive social connections. We are social animals. Our evolution has happened mainly due to our ability to cooperate with each other from the invention of tools to the development of social change. To live in social mindfulness is about caring for other people. This may be charitable or simply helping someone across the road. One of the good things about us all looking after other people is that everyone’s needs are met, including yours.

Q: Who could you help today?

3: Get some fun
Living mindfully means having fun. If you are living a balanced life then you will already be having fun. If, on the other hand your are trying to create a work life balance the chances are that life is not fun for you right now. When did you last have some fun? Living mindfully and having fun go together. If you are bored or stuck in a routine that is mind numbing you are not living mindfully. When you are living mindfully you are self-aware and aware of your needs and doing things that make you feel good. For most of us the fun is in being challenged, trying something new, taking a holiday, starting a new venture. I often say to clients “when did you last have fun?” Sadly they often look blank and cannot remember.

Q: What would be fun to do today? Or what fun things can you plan for the future?

4: Get some love
Living mindfully means both loving and being loved. We all need a bit of love in our lives. Love, self esteem and a robust immune system and health all run together. It is also true that love and happiness go together. Yet, as in all things, it begins at home. To be loved you have to begin with loving yourself. This is the mirror task. Go to a mirror look yourself in the eyes and say, “I love you”. At the point when you can say it, feel it and, believe it you are ready to be loved by another person. Living mindfully with love ensures that you make decisions that serve you well. It also means that you only do things that serve other people well. Positive loving action and the process of Dharma are the same thing. ‘Do as you would be done by’ is the guiding principle.

Q: Who do you love? Q: Would it be a good idea to tell them? Q: What do you need to do to feel loved?

5: Get wealthy
Living mindfully means an abundance of wealth. Wealth is a funny concept because we tend to attach it to money. Yet, we can be wealthy in many things. Wealthy with friends, opportunities, love, happiness and so on. But, we all need to live and to do that we need money and resources according to our needs. How much is enough? Some people may say ‘a million’. I guess it sounds like a nice round sum. For any of us if we have more than we need we are in a state of wealth and abundance. If you need £99 but you have £100 you are wealthy beyond need, you are in surplus. Being mindfully wealthy requires that we know what we need and that we have a surplus, we are rich.

Q: Are you wealthy? If not, what would you need to feel wealthy?

6: Get organised
Living mindfully means living with clarity and not with clutter. It is often said that you can tell what is going in someone’s head by looking at their desk. I guess you could extend that to looking at their house or, the way that they live. Just like a tree bears fruit, our actions in life bear results and these we see all around us. There comes a point in everyday, week, month, year or life time when we need to put our house in order and sort things out. These may be physical, social, emotional and so on. My teacher once told me “you are never ready to live until you are ready to die”. He was saying that when your life is clear and in order, when you have said everything that needs to be said, done everything that needs to be done, taken care of all debts and promises, now, you are ready to get on with life. To live mindfully means that you clear up all your mess as you go along so that you live in a world of clarity.

Q: What do you need to do to clear up your messes and create clarity in your life?

7: Get intuitive
Living mindfully with intuition means living with insight. Those that cultivate their intuition develop clear vision, they become clairvoyant. Insight is a magical quality that is only really developed in a few people. We all have the ability to connect with others. We may be thinking of someone and the phone goes and there they are. We spontaneously meet the right person follow the right hunch. Often intuitive insight is called coincidence or accident. Mindful insight comes to those that develop it. This means creating mind time. It may come in the form of meditation or contemplation exercises. It might be in swimming up and down the pool, walking to dog or going for a run. However it is done, regular consistent and persistent mind time allows us to get into the zone. In the knowing silence of the zone we begin to here the answer to our problems.

Q: Where will you find your mind time today?

8: Get creative
Living mindfully always leads to creativity. In many ways this is the goal that we are all aiming for. True creativity is the science of the imagination. This is the ability to solve problems. When we are truly mindfully awake there are no problems, there are no obstacles. All there ever is are learning experiences, challenges and, ultimately solutions. To be mindfully creative you need to attend to the previous seven steps, pull your life into shape. It is then in the waking that the ability to solve problems flows from deep within. Answers flow like spring water. In this new found ability to find solutions there are no problems, no stress, no anxiety. All is safe and as if should be.

Q: What problems do you have that can be turned into challenges? Now go and solve them!

Ashtanga
The word Ashtanga means to be integrated or to be whole. Mindful people follow the way of Ashtanga and attend to all levels:

Health and physical development
Friends and relationships
Fun and experience
Love and loving
Wealth and money
Clarity and organisation
Intuitive understanding
Creative problem solving

Be whole and be happy
Live in the present
Take care

Sean x

Reasons to be Grateful

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Step 3 Gratitude

In this step we are looking at Gratitude which is “The Secret”. When we live with gratitude we create a happy way of looking at the world and therefore a happy and fulfilling life. This is not some kind of naive hippy philosophy it is embedded in science and psychology. Happiness is where psychology and science meet.

You have a mind and you have a brain but are they the same thing? Your brain is a piece of meat. It may be a clever piece of meat full of electrical connections and powerful endorphins but without your mind, it is simply meat. The question is does your brain create and generate this experience of who you are, so that at the point of your death your mind ceases to be? Or, is the brain a clever switching station through which your mind expresses itself? This would mean that your mind would carryon after the meat of your brain has ceased to function.

For some this thing called mind may also be termed ‘spirit’ or ‘soul’ for others it is ‘personality’ or ‘psychology’ or the psyche. Whatever you call it your mind is the essence of who you are, of what you think and all that you feel. Perhaps most importantly it is the driver of all that you do. What interests me is this relationship between mind and brain and how we can influence it to achieve the experiences that we really want. This, in my terms as a psychotherapist, is the fulfilment that we all deserve and can achieve.

So how does it work?
We know that if we change our brain chemistry, with alcohol, legal or recreational drugs, we change the way our mind feels, thinks and responds. We also know that if we change the way that we think, feel and respond, by positive mindful interventions, or repetitious negative thought processes and rumination, we then change the chemistry that is in our brain.

It as though there is a tube that has the brain at one end and the mind at the other. Which ever end we move, effect or change, the other must follow with an equal response. Now, it would seem to me that using positivity, mindfulness and positive rumination to change the way that our mind works is a far better way of effecting the brain than taking drugs prescribed or otherwise.

Learning to be emotionally articulate
If you want your brain to produce the chemistry that will make your mind feel happy and fulfilled then, you need to change the way that you feel. This requires that you become emotionally articulate. This involves developing Mindful skills learning to listen and respond to what we are feeling. Then deciding which new feelings might serve us better.

Most of us can accept that we can control what we do with our body and our actions. Many would accept that we can also change the way that we think. However, fewer people realise that we can also change the way that we feel…

…a happy mind equals a happy brain…

…this also flows back the other way…

…a happy brain equals a happy mind…

The quickest and most powerful way the develop a happy brain is to fill your mind full of gratitude. The key to happiness is gratitude.

Whatever you are doing, wherever you are doing it, look around you. You may be in the Paris Hilton or a down town gutter. If you see the things around you with gratitude you will begin to effect your brain chemistry and create a happy brain. When you have a happy brain and mindset you can begin to see the potentials that lead to positive change. You see opportunities previously hidden or ignored.

What can you be grateful for right now this minute?

It may simply be that you are alive.

Buddha:
Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn’t learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little,
and if we didn’t learn a little,
at least we didn’t get sick,
and if we got sick,
at least we didn’t die;
so,
let us all be thankful.

When you learn to be grateful for what you have, even when it is a little, you create the positive brain chemistry that allows you to move forward with hope and expectation. It is then that you will develop the ability to create a world of experience that you really, really, really want.

Be happy, be grateful and, live in the present

Sean x

It’s Time You Forgave Yourself

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Time to apologise?

In Step one you looked at how you feel about other people and the negative things that they did to you, but what about you? What about those people that you have let down? Do you blame them or yourself? Is it time to acknowledge those negative things that you have done? Is it time to apologise? Let go and move on.

It is so easy to blame other people for your own problems, angers and frustration. Or you can become irritated with people who do not do things the way that you want them to. You may see them as stupid, rude, incompetent, inconsiderate, and so on. But, is the problem theirs or yours?

You can never change other people
The only thing in life that you will ever be able to change is yourself. What other people do, or did, and the reasons why they did it, may only make sense to them but never to you. The outcome of their actions are their responsibility not yours. This is what we call karma, the result of their actions, is their karma.

You have karma as well
Equally, you are, and always will be, responsible for your actions, responses and, also your reactions. This is your karma. Being responsible for yourself means that you are able to let go of your expectations of others, and that you are not hanging onto the outcomes and hopes that you want or desire.

Attachments are fixed connections to past expectations
Cravings are attachments to future expectations

Being attached to, or craving for a desired outcome is a recipe for disappointment that can leave you feeling angry, offended, hurt or, disappointed. The simple truth is that in all of your interactions with others, if you had not had an expectation in the first place you would not have been disappointed.

The other side of the same coin is what did you do to others? I wonder what expectations other people had of you? Did you get it wrong, fail to get it right; were you a disappointment to yourself or to other people?

If you are honest with yourself who is it that you let down or disappointed by your behaviour. Perhaps their expectation of you were that wrong.

If you want to feel different and let go of the past then, perhaps it is time to own up and let go of your negativity.

Blaming yourself may not be that helpful
I don’t like the concepts of fault and blame; they do not really help us very much. I prefer the concept of responsibility that suggests the ability to respond -respondability. If you are responsible for the way that you think, feel, and do, without the need to blame others, you cease to be a victim. Acknowledging the part that you have played of other peoples problems and become the author of your own destiny.

In step two we seek forgiveness for all the negative things that we have done, and did, to other people. None of us are squeaky clean we have all done things that we would need to acknowledge and seek forgiveness.

Complete step two, enjoy your life in the present and be happy

Take care

Sean x

Step 1 is Letting Go

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Forgive and let go of your negative past

In the first three steps of this programme we move from negative to positive by letting go of the past and becoming grateful for what is happening right now. Forgiveness may seem to be difficult but it’s sure not impossible. If you have problems with the word forgiveness then try using “Letting go”.

Again and again I work with people who are weighed down and disabled by their attachment to past experiences. Their negative attachment to what has happened to them stops them living ‘now’, it stops them living in the present.

Sometimes people can get angry with me when I talk about forgiving and letting go of these negative attachments. They will often shout and tell me that I don’t understand. Then I explain, that if they become grateful for what they have ‘now’ they will be able to let go of their negative thoughts and feelings of the past and create a happier, healthier future.

To let go and forgive requires a good dollop of gratitude in the present. It requires that we each learn to love and grow from those things that we currently dislike or hate and seek to avoid. When someone says to me…

…”I try to see the good and be grateful for the good things that happen – but it doesn’t make sense to me to be grateful for the crap.”…

…they have completely missed the mark. It is in being grateful for the crap that it does begin to make sense and then life really does begin to change and it changes fast. This takes a step up in consciousness, in awareness. To see the things that were previously experienced as bad and horrible as good and positive seems counterintuitive. But it is the breakthrough point to awakeness. when you become the creator of your experience rather than the reactor to events.

Is the universe out to get you?
This is an important question and lays the foundation for how you experience your world. For me all the things that have happened to me have taught me lessons. Some of these have been easy good lessons and some have been hard lessons. When I now look back I would rather not have needed to learn some of those lessons but they were there and I dealt with them. Sometimes the same lessons would come back again and again until I got the point. This process is on going. It is life long learning. The main thing they have taught me is this…

…When I experience something, or someone, who makes me angry, upset, hurt or whatever, I have a choice I can either assume victim mode and be weighed down by it or, I can observe, learn and grow from the experience. It may be that this process is seen by others as me withdrawing, some might see it as sulking (that is their stuff) for me it is the mindful observation of self, situation and of others so that I can learn and in learning I can grow.

Over all I see the universe of experience as a set of lessons and, I see us human beings as points of consciousness, or our sense of self, surrounded by a set of physical and intuitive senses that enable us to learn from our experiences. We are always facing new lessons if we choose to see our experience that way. Of course, if we choose to see life as a problem in various states of unfairness then we never grow, or we grow very slowly.

On a moment by moment basis we exercise our choice. Will we learn, grow and develop from what we experience or we will use it as ammunition to reinforce our problems and our negative view of a universe that is out to get us.

The confusion of forgiveness and gratitude
In attempting to forgive we can become confused with the idea that we are condoning behaviours that we know are wrong. We might feel that we are, in some way, saying that what people did, however bad, was ok. This is never the case. To forgive means to forgo your retribution or let go of your hatred and in, letting go of what was in the past enables you to focus on the gratitude of what is in the present. If you hold onto negative thoughts they will, in the end hurt you. You cannot live a happy life now, or create a positive future if you believe that the past has done you wrong. You need to take responsibility for how you have responded to the difficult situations in your life.

It is never what happens it is how we deal with it that makes the difference.

The only person that hatred will ever harm is the hater.
When you hate, or have any negative thoughts about others or any situation, your body creates all the negative chemistry that will ultimately damage your body. It raises your blood pressure, hardens your arteries and leads to strokes, heart attacks, ulcers, back ache, neck ache, head ache, dementia and so on. Then come the symptoms nausea, irritable bowel, eczema, asthma and so on. The list really is endless.

In hatred it is as though you have taken the poison expecting it to kill someone else

Sadly the only person your hatred damages is you. Even worse is that these things that we hold on to, in our negative attachments to the past, stop us moving forward.

All the emotions of the negativity that we hold about other people, or events, are like elastic bonds that keep pulling us back and stop us from moving forward. The trick is learning to love adversity, love your enemies, love the difficult situation, love the crap and use them all as learning points so that you can grow.

In forgiveness, forgoing or letting go, choose the word that works best for you, you will be able to get into your present. In your present you are then able to create the life of gratitude that you really want for your self. When you are bound to the past you will never create a future that you desire.

Just a thought! If the science of karma, the law of cause and effect, is right, I suspect that it is, then everyone gets theirs in the end. There are no free lunches all debts need to be paid in full. It would seem that it is not my role in life to punish people for what they have done. It is equally true that I do not need to punish myself either. In letting it go I step out of the cycle of karma and move forward unencumbered by the past in to a happy and fulfilling future.

Read this weeks Chapter (1) on the website and attempt the exercise at the end and begin you journey of letting go of negativity. In the podcast this week Ed and I talk through the chapter so that you can get a feeling of the work to be done.

Let go
Be happy and
Live in your present

Take care

Sean x

Why Live in the Present?

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Live in the present

Well, we have done it. This is the introduction to the course “Live In the present” that I have run for many years with my lovely wife Rie, my amazing business partner Ed and some lovely helpers, David, Sharon and Dafydd. Happy times and good sessions.

The course grew out of my experience working with clients who were attempting to change their live to find the fulfilment that the they really wanted but were hitting the emotional blocks, that we all have, and stop us growing as people.

If you come on this journey with us and complete the ten steps, that will be available over the next ten weeks, you will change your life forever and you may actually achieve all that you want from your life. The thing is that we need to get on with it now! But as the warning in the book says to change you actually have to do and complete the tasks suggested. If you continue too do the same things in the same ways nothing will ever be any different.

Procrastination
For most of us change is something that is seen as happening in the future. It can seem easier to put off changing, ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’, rather than actually doing it today. Even the idea that I will change in the New Year, or after my next birthday, or when we get back from our holiday, is simply another way of putting off doing something. The reality is that if I want to change I need to do so now.

The power of now
Change can only ever take place in the present. The magic of the present, of the now, is that it is all that ever really exists. And, if we are going to make changes we have to do them now, we cannot change in the past and we cannot change in the future, we can only change NOW!

We avoid living in our present by focussing on the past or the future

Depression
Many of us are stuck in the past ruminating on unresolved emotional events, reliving them in the present just as though they were still taking place. This habitual way of thinking is the basis of (non-clinical) depression. People that live in the past cannot move forward because the past holds them back like an anchor.

Anxiety
Many of us will be worrying about the future and things that may never happen, but will be feeling all the worry as though those things are happening right now. This is the basis of anxiety. People that are anxious can never move forward because they are scared of what will happen next. Those of us that have learned to worry about both the past and the future at the same time are suffering from anxious depression.

Ninety days to change
The good news is that we can all change and achieve what we want if we go about in a certain way. And, the second bit of good news is that most people, in most situations, can achieve lasting change in just ninety days, and that includes getting beyond both depression and anxiety.

The thirty day rule
We know from research that everything that we think, feel and do is encoded in our brain as circuits in the neurone and dendrite cells. When we learn a new habit a new circuit is created. This might be from learning to tie a shoe lace, to learning how to moan all the time, or learning to be happy.

Persistence and consistence
We now know that the new circuit will only become established when we practise the new habit consistently and persistently for thirty days. This is crucial. It is like snakes and ladders. If during these first thirty days we missed a day we can slide right back down the snake to step one and need to begin all over again. Most people seeking to change will fail because people will give up on their intent within the thirty day rule and the new habit will never become established in their brain cells and, inevitably they will revert back to their previous habits and behaviours.

The ninety day rule
Research also shows us that if we can remain consistent and persistent about in our new habit it will become embedded in the higher cortex of the brain as long term memory.

If you learned to ride a bike when you were a child, maybe thirty years ago but have not ridden since, once you get on a bike now, you may wobble down the road and then the magic happens as it all comes back to you and off you go.

A learned habit lasts forever

If you complete the ten steps of live in the present and if you apply the ninety day rule change is inevitable and that includes overcoming (non-clinical) depression and anxiety.

In this work that I do with my good friend Ed and my wonderful wife Rie, we have created Live in The Present as a focal point for those seeking to create and maintain real change in their lives. We are putting the course up online together with free access to the book, ‘Live In The Present’, as a manual for those attempting to create lasting change.

Make sure you have signed up for regular updates and together we can make this the year that you changed.

Take care

Sean x

It’s Party Time. All the Time.

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Come On Let’s Celebrate

A quick look at celebration because we have made it, episode 100 of the podcast!

Ed, Rie and I have been working away over the last few years developing the Live In the Present site and service. Ed has been focused on design, working on the site, the books and currently on the audio visuals for the new “Live In The Present” on-line course. Rie runs the site, processes the book orders and our Facebook and Twitter pages. Day after day she both sources and creates the most amazingly positive images, ideas and sayings that are a daily inspiration for so many people. Along with keeping Ed and I in check! My role has been writing the books and courses and, of course, Ed and I have spent time each week researching and recording the podcast. Then Ed edits and puts it up on the net, creative genius.

So, in celebrating our work to date I want to thank Ed and Rie for their amazing contribution to what I see as “The Work”. The work is done by all those that attempt the make the world a better place, help us resolve our issues and enable people to wake up to their full potential and happiness. Ed and Rie are real and committed workers.

I want to thank all you wonderful people who read, listen and participate in our work at Live In the Present. Every week we have over a thousand regular listeners to the podcast and over time we have over two hundred thousand downloads. It has all been fun and amazing.

Celebration is important

When we celebrate what we have, where we are and all those around us we are acknowledging our gratitude for being alive. It seems to me that we should spend more time celebrating, thanking and acknowledging the goodness that is all around us.

We celebrate at births, birthdays, christenings, weddings, graduations, and even funerals. There are even people who have divorce parties. But everyday can be a celebration. Every morning when you wake you have the chance to celebrate the wonder of a new day. In the evening you can celebrate all that you have enjoyed in your day.

When did you last have a party? When did you find a reason to celebrate with your friends or family. So, come on let’s celebrate.

Be happy and party

Thank you all

Sean x

Ps. stay with us for the next hundred episodes and we will celebrate 200.

Dealing with Depression

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Depression

People tell me about being stressed when they are not, they are busy. People tell about having the flu when they haven’t, they have a cold. People tell me that they are depressed when they are not, they are a little bit down. The natural flow of human emotion is to be high and to be low. This flow is normal and may happen minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month. It may flow throughout the year so that people feel high in the summer and low in the winter. To feel a bit down from time to time is normal.

What is depression?
Try and visualise a flat line that starts in the present moment and goes on into eternity. The line represent the normal, normal feeling and normal actions, you might see the line as flatness neither happy nor sad, positive nor negative. Anything above the line is positive, happiness, joy and as it get higher euphoria, ecstasy and mania. Below the line is dullness, lack of motivation, inertia, unhappiness, misery, sadness, and depression.

Those described as manic depressive have fluctuating emotions between the highs of mania, through normality of the middle line to the lows of depression. There are many types of manic depression. Some are mainly high with a little bit of low, some mainly low with a little high and all other combinations between these two. Then there are is the issues of are these changes rapid cycling or slow cycling.

Depression describes an emotional state that exists below the normal line. As we all have up days and down days we all feel high and lows. Both mania and depression are the extremes of these normal emotional states.

The mind brain
The mind is the emotional and conceptual part of the system or the software of the system. The brain is the meat, or hardware of the system. Feelings are in the software and, the chemistry or endorphins of the brain, are in the hardware. Both effect each other. If we change the way that we think or feel we will change our brain chemistry. On the other hand if we change our brain chemistry we change the way that we think and feel.

Medication
Anti-Depressants change the brain chemistry that in turn changes the way that we think and feel.

Psychotherapy
This changes the way that we think and feel that in tern changes the brain chemistry.

Both medication and psychotherapy are relevant and will effect depression. In most cases of deep depression they will only work effectively when used together.

Clinical depression
This is when depression is the sole result of deficient brain chemistry. This requires medication, which may need to be used forever, just as if you have an insulin deficiency because you are diabetic you will need medication for life.

Reactive depression
This is when an event or experience effects our thinking and feeling and subsequently effects our brain chemistry. Included in reactive depression are bereavement, loss, hurt, separation and so on. Also there may be trauma and post traumatic stress. Both medication and talking therapies will be useful for reactive depression.

Repressed anger
This is not accepted by all authorities, though I often find it in my consulting room. Perhaps a manager or partner acts in way that creates anger within you that you are unable to respond to. The situation requires that you keep quiet and repress your feelings. Over time, as the anger accumulates, the negative feelings, that are unexpressed, eventually turn against you and are eventually excreted as depression. Therapy is an absolute must in this case. Also running, jumping, screaming and shouting to let go of all negative energy will be really useful.

Generally there are many issues of feeling down in life. Post natal depression, the baby blues, midlife crisis, bereavement, loss, being let down, and so on. In most cases when the situation remains unaddressed it will eventually become depression.

We all need to be aware of our emotional health. The self help tip here has to be that if you begin to feel bad, down or depressed do something about it. The more aware you become of your self the more you will be able to attend to your own needs and not get lost in the depth of depression.

Those that practice mindful meditation are least likely to experience depression and those that are depressed and begin to practice mindfulness will not only solve their problems quicker but will also reduce the levels of medication required to solve their issues.

Be happy and be mindful

Take care

Sean x