Archive for year: 2020

This week the British Royal Family went public on the apparent rift that exists between Harry and Meghan and the rest of the family. Whatever the realities of what it really going on there appears to be a fracture in the fratricidal of the family. I guess the same would have been true when Charles and Diana split, or the more recent issues with Andrew. When it comes down to it they are simply a family trying to work things through. So, join the club, we are all doing the same thing. I do not know, and have never known, any family that has not at some time has issues to deal with.

The Royals have brought people in from out side, Diana, Fergie, Kate and Meghan, and attempted to create a “Blended Family”. They have then tried to back track and make it work in reality for the new comers. To date, in three of the four cases it seems that they were not able to make this happen. Charlie’s and Diana, Andrew and Fergie had to divorce and now Harry and Meghan are seeking to renegotiate their royal roles and connections.

When our kids get married we inherit an extended family. We have no choice over who they are and we either have to accept them or not. Do we lose a son or gain a daughter, or the other way around.

I deal with couples and families and their attendant issues and problems. Over and over again I see that it is never what happens in the family that is the issue it is how they respond to it and deal with it that counts. When counselling couples and family therapy this raises the issues of tolerance and compromise. It is unlikely that we will really be able to change the other people in our family. All that we can really do is change ourself.

Family support is not now as it was. We live in a world where families no longer stay together as they once did. The time when people remained living close to each other or even in the same dwelling have long since gone. We choose to live in smaller nuclear units that often comprise of a couple and two kids that live a long way from other relatives. This can put both stress and strain the family bonds that once held our society together. As the informal stress management function of the extended family has diminished we have seen a rise in the mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. This is especially true with children who once had grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings that they could use to talk problems through. These day many of us have to go to the GP and book to see a therapist or counsellor.

Being both a parent or a partner is not an easy job unless of course we can learn to bend a little. Families work well when they talk and communicate together in a civil manner. Not forgetting that the most important part of communication is listening not transmitting. This is followed by acceptance, tolerance and good old compromise. Those three things alone would solve most of the world problems at every level from families to countries.

I assume that this will also be true for the Royal Family as they attempt to resolve their current problems. If they do, they will have negotiated what will happen next in a way that works for all of them. If they are not able to do this then the fracture will deepen. This is no different to any family. I wish them luck.

Take care and be happy

Sean x

Finland’s new prime minister, Santa Marin, is just 34 years of age. Is this too young for a leader. My answer is ‘No’ of course not. Wisdom does not come with age it comes with psychological and spiritual maturity.

This touches a point that is often controversial. It is to do with life and what happens after you die. If life is a one off event then the issues of success and failure, happiness and sadness, maturity and immaturity are limited to this lifetime. If life is continuous then issues of maturity may be more to do with the amount of lifetimes someone has experienced rather than the amount of years they have been alive in this one. People will often describe another person as an ‘old soul’, even if they are a baby. I have met eleven year olds that I would describe as mature adults and sixty five year olds that I would describe as immature children.

Putting the question of reincarnation to one side we can look at the individual as maturing in three ways. These are physical, as our bodies grow, mature and finally age. There is the cognitive functions that as they grow develop our ability to reason and make sense of things. When the cognitive mind matures we see the beginnings of wisdom. Then, as they age we see forgetfulness and eventually dementia. With emotional immaturity we see the egotistical narcissistic behaviours of the demanding child. As they grow and mature people become a caring empathic, insightful and sensitive adult.

That would all be fine but we see some people who have old bodies even when they are children and some old people who maintain a young supple body well into old age. We see the people who have no power of reasoning at any age and see everything emotionally and are completely unable to rationalise. These people are unable to take responsibility for who they are, how they got like it or what they will do from here on. We also see the adults who have never gone beyond their narcissistic self centred need to be recognised as a special individual and believe that the world should revolve around them.

It can be hard when we see a grown person who is physically mature, who has a seemingly good reasonable mind but at the same time acts like a spoilt child. Names like, Johnson, Farage, Corbyn and Trump et al come to mind at this point. As I observe these personalities exercising extreme power over defenceless innocent people using the minds of children I fear for the future of humanity. Over all I realise that maturity has nothing to do with physical age and that maturity and wisdom go together as opposed to the immaturity and knowledge that I see all around me.

For us all the easiest path to wisdom is through mindfulness, self reflection and inner observation. Wisdom requires insight. If we lack insight we cannot develop wisdom. Mindfulness allows to develop insight.

Take care and be happy.

Sean x