The Joy of Growing Old

How Ageist are you?

I think that there is a problem with the concept that we seem to have in relation to age and ageing. Age seems to have become the thing that people fear and wish to avoid which is strange because it is the one thing that will, to some extent or another happen to us all.

The crazy thing is that you never actually get there, you never ‘really’ become old. As my adopter Grannie would say, “it is just this body that doesn’t work, I am really 18 inside”. It is all to do with perception. Whatever age you are now those younger than you will represent youth, while those older than you will represent age, it is all relative.

Once I did some consultancy work with a privately owned company. It was run by a 92 year old woman who had been doing so since her husband died ten years previously. Her son, aged 72, ran the office. While in discussion with her about sending out some flyers she said to me ‘you’ll need to talk to the boy about that’. At 92 I guess that 72 represents youth.

Equally to the fifteen year old someone of thirty years can seem old. I can remember being at secondary school and the feelings that we had of total disgust when a mother of a friend, in her thirties, became pregnant. It seemed revolting to us that such old people should still be having sex, ‘how gross’ we all thought.

It seems that as a society we have learned to value youth, or that which is behind us, and fear age or that which is ahead of us. The drive to stay looking young through cosmetics, Botox or surgery gives a value to youth that we deny to age. This has tragic consequences for our futures. Because if we learn to dislike age and attempt to avoid our ageing and getting older, as we all shall, we are likely to move into a state of self dislike or even disgust in later life. This can lead to us hating the last part of our lives and risk falling into depressive and miserable states.

But, there are other ways to be. How about we reverse the process and learn to value age again? In the 1960’s Roger Daltry from the band The Who sang the song ‘my generation’ he sang the line “I hope I die before I get old”. Interestingly he is now experiencing later life himself at the age of seventy. I wonder if he sees himself as old or if that is what is ahead of him?

So is seventy old? Well, current statistics would suggest that Roger has at least twenty years left, and may be more if he looks after himself. The average age of death for women in the UK is approaching the mid nineties, with men a few years younger. But, that age expectation is increasing all the time with one in four people alive now being expected to live to one hundred plus.

Ok, so you are going to get older than you are now, how does that look? Positive or negative? If you look backwards how does that feel? Do you crave to have again what you had before? Or are you happy to embrace your advancing years with joy, happiness and expectation?

What is good about age?
Age represents knowledge, experience, insight, and understanding. Maturity, for some a dodgy word, represents a calm way of looking at life, less stress, more fun and happiness. Of course those that have taken time, when younger, to attend to their own fulfillment will be reaching their goals as they get older. But then there is life long learning. Perhaps ageing begins when we stop learning.

Why retire?
Even if you get to the point where your life career ends why stop working? If life is for learning and that never ends then keep going, stay young active and be happy, whatever your age?

Take care and enjoy your life
Sean x

TSHP052: How to Grow Old Gracefully

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Oh my word, we’ve somehow managed to clock up a whole year of podcasts! It’s been a joy to be honest (aside from the late Wednesday nights editing the darn thing) but first we’d like to say a HUGE thank you to all who have listened and continue to support the show – we actually crossed the 100,00 download mark last week which is kind of mind boggling.

Aside from discussing our anniversary this week, Sean and Ed dive deeper into the subject of age, ageing and why some people seem to be able to appreciate their ‘twilight’ years better than others.

Thanks again and here’s to another year of getting better each and every day.

It’s The Self Help Podcast! Enjoy the show 🙂

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TSHP051: The Purpose of Life

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What’s Coming This Episode?

What is life about ? Why are we here? It is easy to think that we know it all, that we have the physical world taped and that we know all about life, but what is really going on here? Finding the purpose of life is a lifelong journey but it’s worth investing the time.

It’s The Self Help Podcast! Enjoy the show 🙂

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The World Is What You Make It

What is life about ? Why are we here?

It is easy to think that we know it all, that we have the physical world taped and that we
know all about life, but what is really going on here?

As a young man I travelled in an attempt to find the answer to life the universe and,
everything. I spent time with various religions, sects, and philosophies. I lived on
communities and tried various practices. I spent time and studied with Christians, Jews,
Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and Sikhs. I tried the fringe areas such as Spiritualism,
Theosophy, Christian Science, Dianetics, and even the Moonies. I tried the Tarot, the I
Ching, and the Runes. I talked with teachers and Gurus, and spent many years under
vows as a brother in an Ayurvedic community. I studied philosophy, psychology and
became a psychotherapist and yet, for all those years of time and study I have never found
anyone who knows the answer.

So here is my take. The world is what you make it. In the end it is up to you.

My teacher once said to me ‘what you hold in you bindi will come to pass’. Later the more
pop psychologists and the book The Secret’ made statement such as ‘thoughts become
things’, what you think about you being about’.

From whichever point you look at it from creation is a very odd thing. You might see it as
living hell or the magic of nature, either which way it is very odd. Why should anybody, any
consciousness, God or being create the universe?

Bottom line is that no one knows.

We have developed theories and ideas, religions and sciences, we have belief and faith.
So, my take is this. Decide what you enjoy, discover your passion and lead a happy life.

Take care, may all beings be happy.

Sean x

TSHP050: The Importance of Kindness

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Kindness is in the same spectrum as love. It is part of the positive forces that brings people together, solves problems and creates happiness. Worth discussing then wouldn’t you say?

It’s The Self Help Podcast! Enjoy the show 🙂

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What is Kindness?

According to Wikipedia kindness is a behaviour marked by:

‘ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognised as a value.’

Google defines kindness as:

‘the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate’.

How do you define it?

When I was a child I read the book ‘The Water Babies’ by Charles Kingsley. In the story there was a wonderful character called Mrs Do As You Would Be Done By. She ensured that whatever the children’s behaviour; it was reflected back to them. Later in my travels I discovered the laws of Karma and Dharma and the concept that ‘what goes around comes around’.

If the law of karma is real then we have a vested interest in treating other people well, on the basis that we will also be treated this way. This can make acts of kindness and altruism begin to sound too calculated though, in terms of social stability, in any community or group of people, treating others fairly means that I will be treated fairly as well.

In Ayurvedic psychology acting positively and serving the needs of others without expecting anything in return is termed ‘Bhakti’. People such as Ghandi, Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela, amongst many others, would fall into this category. People who have given of themselves without great reward or aggrandisement. You will probably know of people in your life or community who have been Bhakti.

Kindness or treating other people fairly and well is enshrined in most religions and philosophies. In the Ayurvedic and Hindu worlds acting in the right way is termed dharma.

‘The word “dharma” has multiple meanings depending on the context in which it is used. These include: conduct, duty, right, justice, virtue, morality, religion, religious merit, good work according to a right or rule, etc. Many other meanings have been suggested, such as law or “torah” (in the Judaic sense), “logos” (Greek), “way” (Christian) and even ‘tao” (Chinese).’

Though there is no équivalent word for dharma in the Western lexicon.

‘Dharma has the Sanskrit root dhri, which means, “that which upholds” or “that without which nothing can stand” or “that which maintains the stability and harmony of the universe.” Dharma encompasses the natural, innate behaviour of things, duty, law, ethics, virtue, etc. Every entity in the cosmos has its particular dharma — from the electron, which has the dharma to move in a certain manner, to the clouds, galaxies, plants, insects, and of course, man. Man’s understanding of the dharma of inanimate things is what we now call physics.’

For me, psychological or spiritual dharma is to act in the right way, in every situation all the time. An ideal to aim for though hard to achieve. This is what we in ‘live in the present’ term mindfulness. To be mindful in the moment, to be aware of yourself and the other people around you means that you can do nothing but act in the right way, which is to act with kindness. Being mindful, being positive, being kind and being happy are all facets of the same attitude of mind and way of being.

Kindness is in the same spectrum as love. It is part of the positive forces that brings people together, solves problems and creates happiness.

However you would express your acts of kindness, it would be good if we could all spend the day being consciously kind.

Be happy.

Sean x

TSHP049: For the Love of Money

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Why do you go to work? Do you jump out of bed shouting ‘hooray’? If not why not? A few people will be doing what they do each day because they simply love it and would carryon doing it what ever happened. Sadly many people will be going to work simply for the money and hating everyday of their life. Let’s talk about money (thanks to Mike for the episode suggestion).

It’s The Self Help Podcast. Enjoy the show!

Show Notes and Links

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Your Money Is Your Energy Of Life

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Why do you go to work? Do you jump out of bed shouting ‘hooray’? If not why not? A few people will be doing what they do each day because they simply love it and would carryon doing it what ever happened. Sadly many people will be going to work simply for the money and hating everyday of their life

What are you doing?

Ask yourself this simple question if you did not need the money, perhaps you had won the lotto, would you still do what you do, would you still go into work?

Maybe, if you were very conscientious and had a very responsible job or, if you felt that people relied upon things that you had to do, then maybe you would feel the need to go into work to tie up those lose ends. But would that be it, would you then do a runner and do something else with your life?

What is the relationship between your life and your work?

Do you work for money or happiness?

Most people would say that they want money and that it will make them happy, however they do not really understand what money is. Often people see money as the route to their fulfilment, they are generally wrong. There are millions of examples where money has created great unhappiness. Yet, when we understand the true nature of money it can make us happier.

You see, money does not actually exist, it is not tangible stuff. On a British bank note it states “I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of £X”. Now, this is a nonsense. If you took you £20 note to the Bank of England and asked for your twenty pounds they would look at you like you were mad. A bank note is a token of good faith. At best it is a share certificate that entitles you to a share in reserves of the banking system. In the current bank led recession it is easy to assume that this share is not worth very much if anything at all. A bank note is really potential energy.

There is both good energy and bad energy

Money works at a much deeper level than simply bits of paper. Your twenty pound note is like a seed full of energy that, if planted in one way will grow and bear the fruit of other £20 notes. If planted on barren soil, or frittered away, it becomes nothing.

There is both good money and bad money

There is a relationship between money and emotion but it is the reverse of what we expect it to be. Just as there are positive emotions of happiness and wellbeing there are also negative emotions of sadness and negativity. In the same way there is positive money and negative money. That is money that makes us feel good and money that makes us feel bad.

Money is a magnifying glass

Money tends to makes things bigger just like a magnifying glass. When we are feeling happy we will use money to create more happiness. But, if we are unhappy, we will use money to create more unhappiness. This is simply the nature of energy so that…

Your money flows where your consciousness goes

You see money, like all forms of energy, is neutral, it is neither good or bad. All energy does is enable us to act out what we are feeling.

The person who is happy with money is the person who is also happy without money. The feeling comes before the money.

However it is important to realise that is you want to create money it is easier to do so if you are feeling positive. It is happiness that makes it easier to create money, not money that creates happiness.

Money is the energy of life

If your are a giver, money will allow you to give more. If you are a hoarder money will allow you to hoard more. If you are a happy person money will allow you to be more happy. If you are an unhappy person money will allow to be more unhappy.

The common word is ‘more’

All that money allows you to do or be is ‘more’ of what you already are. Because money is just energy, and when you use it you are expressing your life energy.

Be happy, live in the present and allow your self to positivity create your financial wealth and in so doing you will also find your financial health.

Sean x

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