TSHP030 – A Chat About Christmas

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Christmas is here and so Sean and Ed are here to discuss why we celebrate this strange but wonderful time of year. In a universal sense, Christmas is about the end of darkness and the beginning of light (think about it). Advent calendars, chocolate, turkey and decorated trees = what’s it all about?

Enjoy the show!

Show Notes and Links

Movie of the Week (!)

  • Sean loves The Holiday with Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Cameron Diaz. Oh, and there’s Miracle on 34th Street of course
  • Ed DEMANDS that you watch It’s A Wonderful Life first and foremost, then there’s Home Alone and Elf…

Stay in Touch

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Alone at Christmas

Sean and Ed did a podcast on how to be alone and it got me thinking. So here is my offering for those of you facing Christmas alone, with thanks and credit to David Harkins.

It starts around the beginning of November, maybe earlier. It is the same each year and there is no escape. Christmas ads on the TV, decorations being put up in the shops and houses lit up like Blackpool illuminations. Everyone asks each other ‘What are you doing for Christmas this year?’

This question can cause feelings of panic and desperation for someone who has lost a loved one in the last year, or lost a relationship that was important to them. I love Christmas and everything about it especially being with the people I love. Don’t get me wrong it also used to be filled with stressing myself out, trying to have everything perfect for the big day. Then I started working in a cancer centre and the meaning of Christmas (and life really) changed.

Suggestions for facing Christmas without a loved one:

DO try to talk to your friends and family. They will be grateful if you tell them what you need as they care about you and will be conscious of your loss. Just because they don’t mention it, it doesn’t mean they don’t care, it just means they don’t know what to say and are afraid of upsetting you.

DO try to schedule time in the day to perform a small ritual in memory of your loved one. Light a candle, look at some happy photos, and tell others of a happy memory that you shared. Shed a tear, but be grateful for the time you had them with them and focus on this rather than their absence in your future.

DO try to plan at least one thing during the day just for YOU. Be selfish. If you want to watch your favourite TV programme with a glass of wine, or go for a walk to a favourite spot or indulge in your favourite treat, make sure you are able to plan this into your day and visualise it and look forward to it. Your loved one wouldn’t want you to feel miserable all day.

DO try to ask for support from friends. If you must be alone, ask a friend to call you at a set time so you can share a favourite memory of your absent loved one.

DON’T be a martyr. Tell people how you feel, and how difficult this Christmas will be for you. Don’t expect people to read your mind or intuitively know what you need. If you haven’t had an invite try asking someone if you can pop in during the day. Your true friends will be more than happy to help and support you through this difficult time.

DON’T beat yourself up if you feel sad and depressed or cry; know that this is completely normal and that the first Christmas will be the worst. Look into the future and believe that it will get easier. If you feel really desperate don’t forget you can always call ‘The Samaritans’ on 08457 90 90 90 or cruse on 0844 477 9400. if you just want an ear at the end of the phone. It is not weak to reach out for help. You are grieving and you are in pain.

DO try and find an inspirational reading or poem that you can read during the day if you feel down. Choose this in advance and know that it will lift your spirits if things get too bad; this is your back up plan.

DO enjoy a Christmas drink, but avoid numbing your pain with alcohol. This will just make you feel worse in the long run. Have a glass or two, but know your limit.

DO try to have FUN. I know this is the last thing you want to hear but all the clichés are true, ‘Life goes on’ and ‘life is for the living’. Above all think about if your loved one would want you to have fun. I don’t feel it is disrespectful to laugh during your darkest times; sometimes it is the only way to survive.

DO celebrate when you get to the end of the day; you took control and not only survived, you found some pleasure in the day, and you will enjoy many more Christmas days and create new special memories as well as always remembering the special times you shared with your loved one.

An inspirational poem by David Harkins

He is Gone

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on

David Harkins

I will make sure I find some quiet time in the day to reflect and be grateful for all the years I had with my Nan & Grandad. As I face the rest of my life without their physical presence I try to keep their memories alive.

I will find ten things that I am grateful for in my life today (everyday i try to find at least three) and make a commitment to myself that I will make the best life possible because I know only to well how precious life is.

I wish you all a Happy Christmas and Healthy New Year.

Much Love

Rie x

TSHP029 – How to be Alone

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Loneliness is a killer, didn’t you know? There are plenty of blog posts that discuss this. Sean and Ed do the same this week on The Self Help Podcast and also take a look at the positive sides of some time on our own. Loneliness and solitude are very different things.

We all have a drive to connect, but is ‘collecting friends like stamps’ as we now do on Facebook & Twitter really making genuine connections?

You can be at home, alone with the TV and phone off and feel connected to the world. You can also be on a crowded train platform and feel horribly alone. Sean and Ed try to teach you how to be alone in the following 30 or so minutes.

Enjoy the show!

Show Notes and Links

Resource of the Week

Stay in Touch

We’re all over the web, so feel free to stay in touch:

Leave us an Honest Review on iTunes

We’d be amazingly grateful if you could leave us a review on iTunes. It will really help us to build our audience. So, if your like what you hear (and would like to hear more great free content) then visit our iTunes page and leave us an honest review (all feedback gratefully received!).

TSHP028 – Love vs Hate: Mandela’s Legacy

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What’s Coming This Episode?

Nelson Mandela recently passed away and he’s left quite a legacy. His rise to prominence and his journey from angry young to forgiving, empathetic elder statesman was truly remarkable. What was Mandela’s legacy? For some it may be negative, for the vast majority, it’s incredibly positive.

Here’s the thing: we’ll all make mistakes but we are all given the choice to make better choices today and tomorrow. If you do that consecutively for years on end you’ll have lived quite a life.

Ed makes a couple of semi-heartfelt apologies whilst this week it’s Sean’s turn to feel a little sleep deprived.

Enjoy the show!

Show Notes and Links

Resource of the Week

  • Sean recommends A Long Walk to Freedom, the autobiography of Mandela. Check out some Martin Lither King Jr. action on YouTube too
  • Ed has a couple of movies for you. Gandhi (1982) and Invictus (2009) are both essential viewing

Stay in Touch

We’re all over the web, so feel free to stay in touch:

Leave us an Honest Review on iTunes

We’d be amazingly grateful if you could leave us a review on iTunes. It will really help us to build our audience. So, if your like what you hear (and would like to hear more great free content) then visit our iTunes page and leave us an honest review (all feedback gratefully received!).

TSHP027 – Pain is in the Brain

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What’s Coming This Episode?

We all have very different experiences of pain. The fact that pain is in the mind can be tricky to accept, but even harder to deny. Some are able to withstand much more than others, both psychical and emotional. All together now – pain is in the brain! Pain is in the brain!

Ed apologises if he sounds a little tired this week. He’s just got back from a few days in Munich with 15+ loutish lads. Great city!

Enjoy the show!

Show Notes and Links

Resource of the Week

Stay in Touch

We’re all over the web, so feel free to stay in touch:

Leave us an Honest Review on iTunes

We’d be amazingly grateful if you could leave us a review on iTunes. It will really help us to build our audience. So, if your like what you hear (and would like to hear more great free content) then visit our iTunes page and leave us an honest review (all feedback gratefully received!).